Help . Suggest, how do I go about telling my in-laws to stop spoiling my kids?

I used to have that problem when my father was still alive. When I tried to talk it out with him, my father said that he was old and liked to spent the rest of his time spoiling his grandchildren. He avoided disciplining them as he will leave it to me to do that. Try to open up with your wife about your concern. Together, the two of you can voice out this matter to your in-laws. Your children are still young. You should start training them to stop asking or demanding on a lot of things. They may grow up with this bad habit. You should also be firm about what you're teaching and telling your kids. Good luck. :)

How about making suggestions to them, you know..I really appreciate what you are doing, but if you really want it would be great if little Jimmy could go to soccer camp. Maybe if you could pay for that or Little Mary loves the food you give her, but we are concerned about her health, the doctor said.... We know you want to help and show her your love, instead of feeding her, can you take her to dancing lessons or maybe take her out to ride her bicycle. You could also explain that the best thing they can give your kids is their time and love and before they buy things for them, say over $xx amount, could they please check with your spouse. The kids have been acting spoiled lately and it is time that they learned they can't get everything they want when they want it.

Well firstly you will always find that grandparents always try to spoil their grandchildren, so it all depends to what degree they are doing this. Oh that is not good that your in-laws are feeding them this amount as it is not good for their health. Well you have to talk to them straight as this is not fair and not right in regards to the health of the children.

s..a..m..r..a..t get some real ones dear ,u don't even hv achild again some friend is facing the problem and this time u hv pretended to be father of this plump girl. anyways since u hv made the girl eat and get fat and u hv not taken care of exercise is it ur mil fault? if she is feeding politely say no if she does u take care of rest ,i believe she doesn't lives with u (i know she doesn't) if they are buying costly toys what is bad tell ur son to ask them for more ,what say paisa bachega yaar ,khush raho,

I have had the same problem with my own parents, as my son would be spoiled like crazy at their house. My best advice to you is to let it go, and to deal with your children instead. You simply have to make it clear to your children, that in grandma and grandpa's house we have one set of rules, while in our house we have another. I know it is difficult to just let it go, but belief me it is going to complicate things so much, if you start bringing it up, and your in-laws might end up feeling uncomfortable around your children. By this advice, I certainly do not mean that you should put up with anything, and really do think it is important that you have a talk with your in lawa about your daughter's problem with overweight, as this is a major health concern. My best advice in regards to this is to really plan out what you want to say ahead of time, and to make sure that you are being as understanding and calm as possible, do not make it into a "your are wrong, I am right" conversation, as no good can come out of this. Especially not with your in laws. Instead, try to ask your in laws for advice when it comes to your daughters weight problem (of course when she is not any where near you), and ask if they can think of some way that they can help out, by limiting the sweets and food of certain kinds at their house. Make sure to explain to them that you do not want them to stop what they are doing, but that you just would love it, if they could limit it a bit. No matter what, make sure to involve your significant other in this conversation, and even better yet, if you could get her to bring up the subject, as these are not your parents.

well go straight away and tell them that they are indirectly spoiling them. I dont think that they will argue or something like that... also try to understand them and give them chance to express their love and buy things for them. You can keep quiet for some time...dont buy things for ur kids...let them buy it...

Dear Friend, I can understand your problem. Many people think that giving something valuable is the best way to express love.Materials have material value,only material value. Materials are not part of real love. we can love deeply without any material or gift. Your in-laws do not try to understand the real values. You have to need a discussion with your in-laws. Your kids are important for your. Do not bother your in-laws.

That is a known problem. When you were a kid, your parents probably had similiar problems... I don't have kids, but I see how my grandparents treat my nieces and it is almost horrible - my aunts ask them not to give them candies and they just don't care!!! Once I've been to my friend's house, and her sister came with her children. My friend's mother barely saw the children, and suddenly chocolates apeared out of nowhere... The sister practicaly fought her mother not to give the kids any candies. After about two hours, the sister had to go somewhere, and she told her mother specificaly : "Don't give my children any more candies". The mother said "yea, yea, alright". The moment the sister went out the door, the mother said "Now that your mother is gone, we can eat all we want" and gave the kids lot of candies. I think grandparents become a little bit like kids themselves. As you see from my story, sometimes even talking to them doesn't realy help... But, beind child-like, you can "punish" them by not bringing the kids to them as often. When they start asking why, tell them. (You should talk to your wife first, of course... maby she has a better solution, knowing her parents better...). Good luck!

Its always better to talk directly with the in laws regarding this issue.Make them understand that they cannot fulfill all those needs of the kids.May be now at this young age they can buy them whatever they need but it cannot happen all times.Tell them if they may not be in a position to buy something which the kids need, then the kids may feel bad about them.So its always better to keep a limit for kids..offcourse they can gift and feed them often but not frequently. I also feel parents should not leave thier kids all times in relatives house which is one cause for these kind of problems.

FIrst of all..where is your husband in all this and how does he feel about it? The two of you need to sit down together and come up with a game plan, and then go to the inlaws and follow through, gently and politely, but firmly. I love my inlaws, but sometimes, my mother in law gets pushy when it comes to my children. My husband will call her and say "Mom, you can't keep buying them that stuff. They have enough." Good luck

I think where kids are consern you should be straight!!!! respect is in its place but no messing up with kids!!! Am sure your in laws must be doing this because they love your kids... that is why explain them and tell them in such a manner that it does not hurts them als and they convey yur message too! If they are understanding and sensible they will get your point and will be happy to help and if not then.... but everything aside where kids come! inlaws will be ok in couple of dayzzz!

Ok... Realistically will the In laws change? If you can see yourself having a rational conversation and some good coming from it, excellent! My guess is that won't happen. So I would suggest telling your in laws you are quite happy for them to continue under certain circumstances... If you have allready set a punishment, they follow it through also. Showing respect for your discipline. They have to cut down on the intake of your little girl for her own health. They make it clear that things are a treat and grannys house. That it only happens because the children are good. If you can get them alongside you on discipline and promoting respect for you then it should make life easier. Unfortunately the joy of being a grandparent is the fact that you can spoil the kids, they get all the good bits without the bad! The older your kids get they will soon learn that what happens in grans house doesn't happen at home. Good luck.

You can talk with your in-laws about your feeling directly. I think they can understand you. After all,you are the mother of your kids. But you should pay attention on your attitude toward them. Becasue they spoil your kids because they love your kids. If they continue to spoiling them, you can persuade to your kids and let them know what they really need them.

Well,my in-laws also spoil my kid.You know,in china,one family can have only one child.Sometimes all the family spoil the only kid. It is really bad for the growing up of the kids.I think you should talk with them peacefully.Let them know the bad results of their spoiling.Tell them spoiling is not love but hurt.I think they will understand. Good luck.and best wishes to u all.

I think we may be in the same boat, my kids are 5 and 2 1/2, and I have this same issue on hand. I have asked them to please not buy them so much, as they are having a hard time appreciating what they have, I try to set their values and this spoiling is creating little monsters.....AAAARRRGGG It you find the answer let me know, but in the mean time, just know I understand.

Well I can understand where your in-laws are coming from too. Are your kids their only grandchildren? My inlaws spoil my son (hes their only grandchild so far) but not to the point where he gets what he wants. I suppose being so far away from them they feel the need to have to send things to him every so often. I would probably talk with your kids and try to tell them that because their grandparents give them what they want, doesn't mean they will get it from you. Tell them that you cannot afford to buy the expensive toys, and if they really want it, then maybe they should save up for it themselves. My son is four and he has his own piggy bank and everytime we have left over change, we give it to him to put away. He now saves enough to buy at least one playstation game every couple of months, or a favourite toy, or dvd or whatever. Its a hard one if your going to talk with the inlaws, it may cause a rift between you and them, but then again it might be good to say, in a positive way that your daughter is overweight, and we need to watch her food intake, and or maybe say that its nice that they buy toys, but the kids are now expecting it from you and that its become a burden on your finances or something along those lines. Not sure if I have been of any help to you but good luck anyways.

I think the best way to do it is by letting them know that you appreciate their love for your kids ,but providing them everything they demand might spoil their habits and take life for granted.That way ,when they go through the grilling life has to offer,they might find it tough to adjust.So,you want them to learn that every family has to live within their means.I think they will understand that and won't take offence .

I would sit down with them and tell them firmly but lovingly that the children are yours and they need to follow your rules. Tell them about your concerns and ask them to help you address them. Perhaps, they'll see it as a "team effort" then, instead of being offended.

"I need to talk to both of you - just for a moment. I know you love my children very, very much and want them to have everything that they could ever ask for - but I'd like to show you the other side of the spectrum here, for a moment. My daughter is actually over her healthy weight, and I'm worried that her appetite is becoming larger - so that a trend of gaining weight will begin here, which isn't good for her, or healthy. Also, when you keep on buying my children all that they ask for, they expect the same of me and I just can't afford it. I know that you love them, and that you're just showing that, but as their mother, it's important that I take a more proactive approach here. My daughter needs to get onto an eating regime that is healthy for her - so she doesn't have to battle weight issues now and when she's older. My son needs to learn the value of money, so he doesn't go through life expecting everything to be handed to him on a silver platter. I truly appreciate everything that you have done for my children - and the love that is behind it all - but please, let's work together on this. When you want to buy something for my children, talk to me about it first - and let's work together about their snacks and dietary needs. I don't want to be offensive, or seem ungrateful for all that you've done - but I just feel that we need to work together in this area". How about something like that?

I think it's better to change the way your kids respond to such attention from your in-laws rather than change the way your in-laws respond to your kids. That way, your kids will know how to properly behave and learn that there are things that they should not expect from you. This way, they can be conditioned at an early age.