Why am I feeling like that?
@flip_flop_lollipop (97)
Singapore
April 10, 2007 1:33am CST
I'm currently in my first relationship, and my boyfriend his third. We've been together for close to 8 months now and he really belives i'm the one for him. But I don't know...
When I just got to know him, we hit off pretty well. I could talk to him about anything under the sun, even thing I don't tell my best girl friends. He was the one who fell in love with me first. After about a month of knowing each other, he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I said yes at first, but the very next day I wanted to back out. Coz I knew I didn't love him as much as he loved me, and I wasn't sure that I'm being fair to him by agreeing. But he convinced me to stay on. Plus my friends kept telling me that most relationships started out with one party loving the other more, but eventually they will level and grow to love each other the same.
Well, after a while I thought i did love him after all. And I still love talking to him and enjoy his company. He's really sweet to me and we have no apparent problems as a couple, but somehow I keep getting this recurring feeling that I'd rather have him as a really good friend and nothing more. sometimes I don't seem to feel a thing even when i'm holding his hand. Yet, I have always wanted and still want to be there for him if anything happens.
Sometimes I don't know if I really (still) love him, but I can't imagine life without him either. He's a really great guy and I know he's serious about me and this realationship. He's been hurt once in his previous relationship and took years to recover. I really don't want to hurt him again unnecessarily. But I feel so conflicted inside. Has anyone experienced this before? I really need some advice!! Is it because I've stopped loving him? Or maybe I've never loved him the romantic way but thought I did? Or is it because we're past the butterflies-in-stomach stage in our relationship?
5 responses
@deehan (119)
• Pakistan
10 Apr 07
This kind of relationship is against the nature. You should properly mary him and have the legal relations which is accepted by the religion and ethics as well. This kind of relation is just the beastiality. have a true relationship with one partner as a husband/wife.
Main casue of sexually transmitted diseases is the illicit realtions
@diansinta (7544)
• Indonesia
3 Apr 08
Hi flip_flop_lollipop, this discussion is been a year. How is your condition right now?
@diansinta (7544)
• Indonesia
4 Apr 08
Good for you! Rain won't last forever isn't it? This makes me remember of the movie "My best friend wedding" , The sentence of a guy his a worker at the hotel said to Julia Robert :" My mom used to say; This too, will past"
@flip_flop_lollipop (97)
• Singapore
3 Apr 08
wow... i didn't realise that was so long ago!
we're doing quite well now, save the occasional squabble, lol.
I think one of the things i've learnt to treasure the most in this relationship is communication. We are very open with each other and promise never to keep things to ourselves if we thought there was a problem with our relationship. so sometime after that post we had a good talk (or rather, a few!) and we really thrashed things out. he knew i was very insecure back then, but he never pushed me. he was just there, giving me time to get over myself. and i think i did. :) i have to say, our relationship right now is nothing like what i've described a year ago. come this august, we'll be celebrating our 2nd anniversary together. :)
thanks diansinta and everyone who's helped me along by responding to my discussion when i was so lost. i really appreciate it! :)
cheers,
flip_flop_lollipop
1 person likes this
@minty3 (592)
• Nigeria
10 Apr 07
I understand how you feel. Its best to obey/follow your mind. You can't continue to pretend to be in love when you're not and the earlier you let him realise the better for the two of you. maybe you don't know it hurts more when you cannot reciprocate love. Cheers!
@flip_flop_lollipop (97)
• Singapore
10 Apr 07
hi minty, thanks for your response. :) I think i haven't gotten down to that yet, though. Right now, I think I'll give us some more time and give it my best shot. :)
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
10 Apr 07
Well... sometimes we need to refocus in our relationship... I myself...withmy partner right now... doesnt always feel good or dramatically inlove with him all the time... I dont always open my eyes in the morning and thinking he was Brad Pitt look alike... And there is no butterflies in stomach everytime he kisses me...I guess he sometimes feel that way too... But it doesnt mean that I dont love him anymore... The fact that even without those romantic feeling... I STILL WANT TO STAY RIGHT BESIDE HIM ...AND I CANT PICTURE MYSELF WITHOUT HIM...
Somewhere along the way...we will find someone better than him/her... and you have to be true to yourself when the time comes...but as of now...
The best thing that I can advice you... is "you're in that relationship" so make the most out of it! have more timre with him... do things that you dont usually do...have fun together... kiss him 5 minutes straight! Cook something special for him... Have his picture recopy 10 times larger and post it in you room...
have the feeling that you will enjoy and love at the same time...
DO YOUR BEST TO MAKE THINGS WORK!
If in time... its not really meant to be... You wont have regrets being at your best...
And he wont blame you....for doing everything to make things work...
Good Luck...
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
10 Apr 07
Im glad i made you feel better... good luck to both of you...
In whatever situation you are in to... JUST BE AT YOUR BEST ALWAYS... and things will turn out fine in its own time...dont spoil chances given to you... you might not have the same chances again...
@flip_flop_lollipop (97)
• Singapore
10 Apr 07
Thanks for your response, lucky_witch. I guess you're right. I like what you said, to do my best to make things work... so i won't have regrets being at my best. I shall try my best to make this relationship work out since I'm already in this relationship. So even if it wasn't meant to be eventually, i won't have any regrets. Actually that's what he keeps telling me too, that he's going to try his best to make things work out for us. Guess I shouldn't be so negative. Anyways, I'm feeling much better now. Thanks! :)
