Sorry

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Yesterday, my sister and I had a conversation about saying sorry to others. She told me that for her, saying sorry to someone means 3 things: (1) You admit that you did something wrong, (2) that wrong deed hurt another person and (3) since it brought harm to someone else, you must try your best not to do it again. When I’m sad or I’ve been hurt, I say sorry to myself. I know it sounds weird and no, I do not pity myself. I just want to prove myself 3 things: That I made a mistake, I was hurt by that mistake and that I will try my best not to commit that mistake ever again. Honestly, doing such worsens the pain that I feel inside. Saying that word is like slapping myself on the face while saying, “You made a mistake! You made a mistake!” On the other hand, it is this pain that urges me to become strong; to continue walking though I am injured. Just a few days ago, I was telling myself, “Sorry Jap. Sorry Jap.” I made a mistake. It really affected me. Yet, I do believe that sooner or later I’ll be able to tell myself, “Oh it’s okay. It was nothing, really.”