Do you think it's ok to have just 1 child?
By muscare
@muscare (3068)
Australia
April 12, 2007 4:12am CST
My wife and I decided when we were married, we would have just one kid, and that was fine, that's what we have done. Once our son was born, certain people kept asking when the next one was coming. When we told them there wasn't going to be any more, they said that kids who were an only child grew up weird. My wife suffers from a major depessive illness, and the pregnancy was quite stressful at times, but we got through it. My wife doesn't want to go through all the extra hormonal stuff, that pregnancy brings, again. I agree. But are we doing the right thing by our son by not giving him any brothers or sisters?
10 people like this
66 responses
@ciaosamson (541)
• Philippines
12 Apr 07
Giving your son brothers and sisters is not a responsibility. I was practically an only child for 11 long years. I'm not weird. If I am, I guess we're all weird in a way, at times hehehe *sigh* after the last sentence I think I am weird. But in a good way hehehe
Being an only child there was no one to play with at home. But in school I had a couple of friends.
The main thing here is your wife's well-being. Those people who ask about the "next" child won't be the one to suffer. It's for you and your wife to decide if you want more kids and if she's up to the stress and going through her illness.
1 person likes this
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
12 Apr 07
Thanks, and you are right, we are all a little weird in some way or another. Our son seems to make an impression on people wherever we go, and it's not by being silly. I suppose at home, he has a big kid, in me, to play with, and as long as he doesn't confuse the boundaries between playmate time and dad time,that should be fine. And yes, the less stress on my wife, the better.
@Augustta (1850)
• Poland
20 Apr 07
Well i am alone at my parents and when i was kid this was not so important for me,because i grow up with a lot people around,my relatives...but now,i know it was very good if i have a brother or a sister..
And i still have just a kid...
I don't know what will be but my lover said he want another baby so i guess we will compromice somehow..
I want a boy...and me and him will be a best team against my lover and my daughter..lol!!
augusta
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
20 Apr 07
My wife and I think that we are always around for him, and if not, grandparents, uncle or friends. I'm happy that my wife and I feel the same about one child, I think it would be quite hard to make a compromise if we had differing opinions. Now, are you sure it will be you and your son, should you have a son, against your daughter and lover? I'm thinking it'll turn out boys against girls!!
@cherriemae (3370)
• Philippines
18 Apr 07
for me, it's ok to have just only 1 child, specially if i dont have enough salary to attend for the needs of my kids if they are more than 1..about the experience of your wife, i think it's a tough decision because she needs to suffer again but it's your own decision if you want to have another baby or not..prayer will do,and ask God for guidance, ok..
@Damacoy (65)
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
We never know what our future would be. it's okay if you decided to raise just one child. don't get pressured with what other people are saying. your wife is the one at stake... If you're destined to have many children it will come... even if you are not expecting it. Thank God for the blessing you have now. You have a lovely son and your wife was safe during the pregnancy and delivery. God Bless!
@axelady (145)
• Portugal
15 Apr 07
I have only a child too. But i didn't plan anthing when i got married. I want to have as much kids as possible, but not just like that. It's very important to give something to your kids, to ensure their growing in health, their education and to help them to starting their lifes on their own. To do that, you must have a good situation, materialy speeking. I'm talking about having a good job, a nice house of your own, a nice car, some money in bank accounts in order to be sure of your succes. For now, i guess i could aford one more child but to have three ....is too much for my situation.
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
16 Apr 07
Thanks for you comments. I also think that people should live within their means. Some don't seem to realise that the more kids they have, the less money they're going to have. Having said that, I would still choose to have only one child even if I was filthy rich!
@jennybeans (912)
• United States
14 Apr 07
My husband and I only have one. She's twelve now, and for years I watched all my friends fill their households with child after child. A part of me was a bit jealous because i miss the baby years, the toddler times, but now I doubt we'll have anymore at all. Our daughter is just fine on her own. A bit bored occasionally, completely spoiled on all fronts, but she's a good kid.
@Ezpada008 (15)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
for me its ok to have 1 child coz if we have 2 or more the expenses will be big..am i right??
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
14 Apr 07
As long as your son has plenty of interaction with kids his own age there shouldn't be a problem with him being a only child.
A friend of mine was an only child. I always thought she was a little strange when we were growing up, but now she has her own daycare center and is pretty much normal for a girl that had no siblings.
If you do want to add more children to your family in the future, would adopting children be an option for you and your wife? That way your family could still grow without her having to go through all the pregnancy stuff that was so hard for her.
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
14 Apr 07
Thanks for your thoughts. I'm thinking now that there is probably a fairly even ratio of weird people from big families or single child families, really just depending on their environments and parents. Nice to hear your strange friend turned out fine. Adoption isn't really an option for us, so I think we'll settle for one.
@piropos (312)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Being right or wrong in this case doesn't depend on what others think. There are 101 reasons for having another child as there are 101 reasons why not to have another. I guess one thing going for you not to have another is your wife's condition. I wouldn't be able to bear seeing my wife go through so much mental suffering besides what physical burden she experiencing. As they say, when pregnant, a woman has her other foot on the grave.
I don't think an only child will grow up weird. He or she may have some questions regarding relationships, but certainly not so much to make him/her such. Some weirder people grew up in large families. Take time to decide if you're going to have another one. Don't give in to pressures by outsiders. You will know when or if you really have to.
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
13 Apr 07
Thanks for your thoughts. 'other foot on the grave'? Never heard that one before! It is hard seeing my wife go through hard times, but she has said it is easier with our son and myself being around. We hope to be able to give good answers to any questions our son has in the future.
@myliezl0903 (2726)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
Well first and foremost you and your wife decided to end up with just one kid because you said that your wife suffer from depressive illness. I agree to her because it is hard on our part to carry those illness and become too stressful on our part. Maybe you should respect each others decision. And aside from that it is also good especially now adays to have if not 1 or two children in a family because its hard to raise a kid and send them to school. Soon you might realize that it is a good decision that you guys end up with one.
@anoop2929 (16)
• India
13 Apr 07
some time it is difficult to deside that wether one child is enough or its to thve another.according to my view only one ghild is more then enough for parents because if a husbend and wife have anly one child then can take care of that child in a better way or they can think of his future also but on the other side a child always need a brother or sister with whome he can share his feelings
@punnenleena (24)
• India
13 Apr 07
hi muscare,
u c certain people in our society has this bad habit of poking their nose into others affair. when a couple decides to have children its entirely their say as to how many they want. its not the society that should decider they must have so many children so don take care of what others tell u ok.
now i understand u too fear that if its only 1 child she/he may suffer some pschycological problem. the thing is that see if he does not have any one to play with tal to n all naturally he will become weird. but that does not mean all single child will become like that . then the entire population of china would have been filled with weird children.
So the solution is that if u both r willing to sacrifise some of ur time every day ,to sit aside with ur son talk to him, play with him n mingle with him not as parents but as his friend not only now but to be his best friend all through out his life, then I tell after 20 years he will say my mom n dad are the best in the world.
thanks,
leena
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
13 Apr 07
Thanks, great comments. That's right, if my wife and I lived in China, no-one would question our decision. My wife and I spend a lot of quality time with our son, and also have our different roles as either Mum and Dad, or as a playmate. Like all 4yr olds, he loves a bit of rough and tumble, drawing, reading, the list goes on, and as parents and friends, we're happy to spend that time with him. We tell him daily how much we love him, and he is well liked by his kindy friends.
@rhinoboy (2129)
•
13 Apr 07
I don't know what it is about people that makes them think that having only one child is wierd or strange. My wife and I always imagined that we would only have one child. We don't currently have any plans for more children, but we'll also leave our options open in case we feel differently in the future.
People in our families were asking us about 'the next one' while my wife was still in hospital after having our first!
My father and step-mother say that it's unfair to have only one child as they were both 'only children' and missed having siblings. I think having siblings actually made me less confident, Whenever we were on holiday or anything, I rarely made new friends, as I would play with my brothers.
The long and short of it is that only you and your wife should decide how many children you want to have. I can't help but think that I will be able to provide more opportunities for my daughter if we don't have any more children. I will probably struggle to support her through Uni, but I know for sure I couldn't do it twice!
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
13 Apr 07
Good response. Thanks. After 4yrs, our thoughts on only having 1 child haven't changed. My wife, ok, me as well, worry enough as it is when only one child gets sick or hurt. We couldn't handle it with more. And yes, finances are a concern for us also. Quality of life is important for kids, too.
@horsesrule (1957)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I am very surprised that anyone would be so rude as to ask you or your wife when you are having another baby and well, to say that only children are weird. That's just a horrible thing to say and it's just not true! I had one child when I was 17, not a planned pregnancy but I definitely wanted her and wouldn't trade her for anything. She's nearly 30 now and I don't think she is any different than any other young person out there and really, I am not just saying that because I am her mother. I've looked at other people and their lives and their children and my daughter is very similar to them. She has taken some "time out" to have children, so she's there right now. She has three young boys, the first two are 2 years apart and the youngest is 3 years younger than the middle boy. The oldest boy is very jealous of the middle boy but he likes his youngest brother. He's always mean to the brother that is closest to him in age, he says nearly every day that he hates his brother and we have to separate them a lot. We just can't let them play together because they hurt each other, especially the oldest since he's stronger than his younger brother. It's kind of awful and as much as I love all three boys, I almost wish that my daughter had stopped at one child. Oh, their behavior directly affects me because we all live together.
I grew up with a brother too, just the two of us and I was the older by nearly 2 years and we did not get along either. We fought constantly when we were kids. And now as adults, we are not close.
I am always surprised when I hear people say that they had a great relationship with their siblings because they talked and helped each other and they would never have just one child so that their kids could have what they had. Well, I, umm, sort of have some doubts. I have not personally met anyone who had a great relationship with their siblings, only people who have NOT grown up with a good relationship with them. And I am a question asker and a good listener so people talk to me and I listen to their stories so I've heard a lot. Plus I was in group counseling, no good sibling relationship stories there either. I also read a lot of books and not just all fiction either. I've read a lot of self-help books that talk about relationships, even sibling relationships and the examples that they gave were not happy feel good stories either!
If you and your wife are loving your son and letting him know how precious he is and having him meet people and have friends and playdates, he should be happier and more mentally healthy than most people. It is definitely okay to have just one child!
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
13 Apr 07
Good comments. Thank you. My wife has said that she didn't get along that well with her siblings, either, and don't speak to them now. I have an older brother, and we talk surface talk, but nothing deep and meaningful. Our son gets told daily how much we love him, and we spend a lot of time with him. He has good social skills for a 4yr old, and plenty of friends.
@joodzki6 (596)
• Philippines
13 Apr 07
i see no problem on it. Having children no matter how many will always depend on couple's choice. It's your choice, and it's your right. I have also 1 kid and i also stopped to that. I want to spend all my time and love just for her alone..i don't want to have another because i know it was not that easy to raise a child. being weird?? i don't think so, that will depend on how you brought the kid and his/her environment while growing. Stay on your decision, don't listen to anyone because they can't do anything about you life. Love your kid and make him a better one in the future. good luck and happy mylotting!
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
13 Apr 07
Thanks, good comments. It's not easy, being a parent. Some people seem like naturals at it. I'm not, but I work damn hard at always trying to get better at it. We have a safe and normal environment in which we are raising our son, and are always telling how much we love him, and spend lots of quality time with him.
@nic_knick (739)
• China
13 Apr 07
i think it is quite alright if u just have only one kid. if possible. why so many kids? do not you think too many kids might bother you when u wanna stay alone or just when u do not wanna to be beside you. and some one say it is better to have only one child since if u could raise the kid, it would be completely enough to show that u r already very successful. keep happy with only one kid. keep smiling with only one kid. do not be down or anything. cool to have only one child..................
@luckly888 (175)
• China
13 Apr 07
I think two children are just rignt.A child may feel lonely in his life.
@gracew (17)
• Malaysia
13 Apr 07
Some people say that to be parents is a wonderful thing, others commented that to be parents is a tedious JOB. It all depends on how you view parenting. It is a wonderful things as one can see the little 'two-in-one' comes and live with you and given under your care; it is a burden(a job)when you are busy with your life and no time to appreciate this nature way. Wow, a lot more philosophies will go on and on...But i would think that one needs to prepare body, mind and strength before one expects to have children so one can be sure and clear on raising the next generation successfully.
@muscare (3068)
• Australia
13 Apr 07
Gee, that's deep! Thanks, I agree with you. I think sometimes there are certain people who have kids because it is fashionable, then have nannies because they are too busy to take care of them. We love and care for our son very much,and don't want to change a thing.