Need some advice....
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
United States
April 13, 2007 8:26am CST
My paternal grandfather is pretty old and not doing so well. He's the black sheep of the family. To make a long story short he molested half of his female grandchildren (not me that I can remember). He just got out of prison for it and lives in a nursing home in Cincinnati. Anyway I detest him and people like him. However I feel that I should still go to his funeral out of respect for my Grandmother. (She never divorced him but she wouldn't let him come home either.) I think that paying your respects means that you're paying them to the family - not so much the deceased. My hubby disagrees and says it's the opposite.
What do all your guys think? Should I go out of respect for my grandmother? Or should I not go because it's just another child molester who died? The funny thing is I think at least one of my cousins who was molested who actually go. I know he did things that are most unforgivable BUT he is also partially responsible for my life. IF I go it won't be for him - but for support for my Grandmother and Dad (although I'm not sure if he'd want to go or not).
I might just go down there to be with my family before and after the funeral. That might be a win win situation. I won't go to a child molesters funeral - but I'll still be around for my family.
9 people like this
12 responses
@brokentia (10389)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I agree with you husband. When you go, you are paying respects to the person that has passed. Of course, you are also offering your love and respect to those that are survived also. But that can be done by sending flowers to the person's home and put in their name. Then there is no mistake that the flowers are for their loss and not for the lost.
Personally, I would probably just send flowers. But this is a very personal decision you have to make for you and what is right for you.
3 people like this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I really don't need the closure but I probably will go - if my family wants me to go.
@sahira (1071)
• Philippines
15 Apr 07
I agree with your husband also,you have to visit as a sign of respect to the deceased afterall you were not one of his victims and you must atleast thankful for that.Forgiveness must be given to the deceased and let God handle what he did in this worl,you know nobody is perfect..well,i understand your setuation and so much much of your cousins who were being molested.
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
15 Apr 07
I am thankful for that.
Forgiveness is out of the question for me but I have given it to God. I know no one is perfect but it doesn't mean that I have to respect him either.
@retardedrugrat (4791)
• Canada
14 Apr 07
Honestly, as much as I don't agree with what he did, I would go for myself. I would need closure on that part of my family life in order to move on.
I know you say he didn't molest you, and thats something to be very thankful for, but I still would go. I would need that closure.
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I am not sure of what I would do in a situation like that. If my grandmother wanted me there, then I would go for her sake and no one else's. It is a most unforgiving thing that he done but it seems as though your grandmother has found some way of dealing with this. He is a sick person and I hope that your family will see it as a blessing when he is gone.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Apr 07
Wow...this is a real heavy-duty kind of thing and hard to answer...I can see on the one hand of NOT going due to your grandfather being a molester yet on the other side I can see the idea about going to give support and respect toward your grandmother--she might really need that support--after all she had to endure that hardship as well.
2 people like this
@Deltaseccc (505)
• Namibia
9 May 07
If you feel nothing for him, no emotion, no need to go. BUT if you feel anything - love,hate,sympathy,anger...doesn't matter what - any strong emotion - go to get closure for yourself. It is not about paying him respect, it is for you to sort out and get rid of some unwanted feelings.
@astromama (1221)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I wouldn't go, unless I felt a strong need to. In one way you could go out of support for your grandma, or you could NOT go in support of all your other family members who suffered at his hands. It all depends on what feels right to you. I'm sure nobody in your family will judge you either way, considering the circumstances. What an awful decision you have to make... You'll do the right thing, either way, as long as you follow your heart. Good luck to you!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
6 May 07
Your grandfather must be a sick man. Whatever he has done in his lifetime you have to pray for forgiveness. If you do not attend then who will, knowing of his bad past. I think you should attend for your family sake. You had been part of him, without which you will not born.
1 person likes this
@haedescanes (592)
• Philippines
14 Apr 07
be with your family if plan to go . If not, it is still you who will decide. Just pray for these kinds of people. I hope you also pray that there are no other child being molested by anybody. If you go, go for your grandmother and the ones close to you and your relatives. Its not the person you will visit, but your grandmother. Just show up for the respect for your grandmother. Goodluck!!
@nittin2004 (10)
•
14 Apr 07
look you have to think youself dont ask advice to anyone... becouse they wont understand your problem.....
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
14 Apr 07
Well duh. You're real helpful. I already knew that but it's still nice to here what other people think about it too. Normally like having our thoughts validated.
@shivaranjani (164)
• India
6 May 07
listen to you heart & do what pleases you for it is quite true you may have to pay your respects to the departed soul .but as it mentioned is in all the scriptures of the world that one should hate the wrong deed and not the doer?
i think you should be great enough to pardon him for the mistakes he committed but go on with life as your family needs you.Your grandmother needs you most in this hour of grief ...imagine what she went through and she still accepted him....we are here not to judge . God is there to be the final judge!!! Carry on my child!!
1 person likes this
