In-Laws
By SaSaJ05
@SaSaJ05 (22)
United States
April 13, 2007 10:40am CST
I've been going round and round with my husbands' parents ever since my son was born. They refuse to listen to us on how we want our son taken care of. Even at 6 months old, our son has his likes and dislikes. My husband's parents believe that since they already had two of their own, they know exactly how to take care of our son. They continue to do certain things with my son even though we have asked them repeatedly not to do it.
My father-in-law watched my son a couple of days ago because his babysitter had to bring her son to the doctor. He had him from about 8:30 in the morning until about 5:00 that night, which is when I get out of work. He held him ALL DAY LONG. I have asked him over and over again to let him play around on the floor and sit in his bouncy chair so that he can learn his independence. Nope - instead, he only put him down when he was sleeping. Consequently, it was a complete nightmare for my husband and I that night and the next day. He did not want to be put down at all, and he was awake for 2 hours at 1:00 in the morning because he wanted us to hold him. He wanted to be held the entire next day, and when he wasn't, he cried.
This is just one example. We've tried to explain to them that it makes it difficult for us in the long run, but they don't want to listen. Has anyone else had problems with their in-laws (or parents) like this? What do you do when they won't listen?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@mememama (3076)
• United States
13 Apr 07
I get unwanted advice all the time. Depending on the person (usually an inlaw), I tell them that I feel strongly about the topic and move on, or if I know they won't listen, I just ignore them. But with the situation you described, just remind him again why you don't want him to be held all day, show him how to work the bouncy chair or toys. If he calls the next day after you've been up with the baby all night because of what he has done, tell him how tired you are and that the baby was up all night, etc. Good luck, I think everyone has a relative that thinks they know it all because they've had children!
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
15 Apr 07
Yep, my mother is exactly the same - she'll hold my daughter all day & even when she's asleep she doesn't want to put her down - so when it comes to being home, we have the same problem you do, with our daughter not wanting to go down the following day.
My Mum also thinks that since she had us 3 kids, she knows everything - whether we feel the same way or not.
She also comments on things my daughter does since us 3 kids never did these certain things & she doesn't understand that my daughter might be partly me, she isn't me - she's her own person & of course she'll do things that we didn't do!
Maybe you just could lessen the time they spend alone with your son if they insist on doing things their way rather than the way you & your hubby want them done. I personally cant bring myself to leave my daughter with ANYONE & she's 10 months already - i guess i'm nervous that if something happened i live too far away to do anything & also that all the stuff we do will be undone - since my Mum thinks her way is the best way.
I wish you well & hope you can get them to start doing things your preferred way - it'd just make things much easier for you!
@SaSaJ05 (22)
• United States
17 Apr 07
Thanks for the advice! I definitely limit the time my son is with his grandparents. I only ask my in-laws to watch him when I'm desperate and I don't have any other options - and even then, I try to make sure it's only for several hours. My in-laws made a comment the other day that they would take him over night any time we wanted to go out (they've made this comment several times). My father-in-law proceeded to say, "Yup, we have plenty of room on the waterbed". We have said over and over again that under no circumstances is our son allowed to sleep in the same bed as them. He sleeps in his own crib at home. He needs to sleep in his own crib elsewhere. I won't allow my son to spend the night because I know that my father-in-law will ignore us and let my son sleep with him. I REFUSE to let that happen.
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
14 Apr 07
I had similar problems with my son and my inlaws. They were constantly trying to do things with and to him that were not what I wanted. It really doesn´t matter who is right, the parents have first dibs on how they want their child raised! For me, when my son was born, I would hold him quite a bit because he had a lot of problems and I was worried he would die and wanted to get in lots of cuddle time just in case. My mother-in-law scolded me constantly for holding him. "You´ll never be able to put him down!"
Well, I did finally realize that it wasn´t the best way to go, so I started letting my son sit in his bouncy chair or lie on the bed on his own. He was happy and enjoyed being left to his own devices, then I got "Oh, the poor thing, you never hold him."So, I think you just have to go with what you think is right. They will never listen to you, so I wouldn´t even bother trying. Just do what you can to avoid letting them look after your son for any period of time. I don´t allow my inlaws to look after my son at all anymore. They think I am a horrible person and a terrible mother, but I am doing what is right for my son, and so are you.:) Good luck.
@onecutehoneybear (938)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I think we all go through this with our in-laws. I know mine constantly undermine me when my daughter is at their house. They give her candy for breakfast, whatever fast food joint she wants for lunch and dinner. She's always on a sugar high when we get her home. It doesn't matter how many times we tell them not to do something they do it anyways.
Good luck dealing with your in laws. I hope it gets better.
