When is child support unfair?
@elizabethbathory (1132)
United States
April 13, 2007 7:24pm CST
A friend of mine who divorced her husband a little over a year ago just had him brought to court to decide upon child support. She is the primary care giver for her daughter, so the court decided that her husband was going to pay $709 per month to help her make ends meet, so to speak. I was shocked by the amount, especially for one child! While I am happy for her that she will be getting helped out monetarily, it has caused me to wonder if $709 per month is a bit much . . .
Bear in mind, my friend lives with another friend, who charges her a reduced rent and is, herself, a stay-at-home mom who provides day care for my friend's daughter, again, at a reduced price. The daughter attends public school and is fully covered under her mother's medical insurance, which is top notch! I'm not a mother, so I don't really have room to talk and I don't want to sound like an armchair expert, but I really wonder how much of that $709 is going toward the little girl.
I did a little research about the whole topic and found a story of a man who had to get a second job to meet his obligation and still have money left over, but when his ex caught wind of that, she brought the case back to court and they ruled in her favour, awarding her a greater sum each month. Because he made more, he was now obligated to pay more!
I don't know, but sometimes it seems that instead of looking at people's lives, all they look at are numbers in a calculator. Again, more power to my friend for getting the money, it's just food for thought, is all.
Thoughts, anyone?
5 people like this
12 responses
@Anakata2007 (1785)
• Canada
14 Apr 07
I think that the courts take into consideration that if the child were living with the father, he would be puptting most of his money toward the child anyways. They don't want the child to miss out on anything. It's just hard for the father who has to support 2 households. I don't know if it's fair or not. I really don't.
2 people like this
@elizabethbathory (1132)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I'm sure they do. In this case it was the mother, but in others, it's the father, but that seems to be less common. What matters most, obviously, are the children, and they're the ones caught up in the middle of all these legalities. They're the ones that I feel for the most. It can't be easy for them.
2 people like this
@smwarriar (47)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I again totally agree with you. Its the poor children who have to suffer and go through all the mess. Parents can move on with their life. But Divorce incident is a permanent marker in their life. I think most of the kids are at tender age when parent decide to split. At that age they are not capable of handling such an emotional situation .. even Adults find it hard to cope with it !!
@mememama (3076)
• United States
14 Apr 07
You need to take into account food, clothing, health insurance (copays), and shelter. Children cost a lot of money! Also, a mother needs good transportation, so that's a car payment and insurance. Plus depending on where you live, $700 isn't that much, but my sister gets less than that for two children-her ex has a crappy job so she can't get anymore money. He could get a better job but I think this is his way of sticking it to her.
2 people like this
@elizabethbathory (1132)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I know what you're saying, but my friend's copay is $10, though her daughter, thank goodness, hasn't had any health problems. And she bought a used car some time ago, so she doesn't have any car payments. I haven't pressed the issue, but I think she's banking a fair amount of that money each month. I just hope it goes to toward her daughter--perhaps a college fund.
The amounts awarded seem to really depend upon which state you're living in.
2 people like this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
14 Apr 07
I have a friend who is divorced. His son is not living with his mother (the young man is 16) he is living with his older sister. My friend's ex-wife still extorts child support payments out of him. That's a boody outrage, since the boy lives with his SISTER and not with his mother. I don't know exactly where the money goes when he pays the woman, but I do know that it couldn't be all for the boy, since he lives with his sister. I think it would be a different story if the man was paying child support to the sister who is the boy's primemary caregiver, as opposed to the mother who is not caring for the child.
2 people like this
@elizabethbathory (1132)
• United States
14 Apr 07
That's horrendous! From what I've read, that's becoming more and more common. I've even heard of parents being awarded a huge monthly payment from their ex, only to ship the child off to live with another relative, using the child support solely for themselves. What can even be done in such a situation?
2 people like this
@dlkuku (1935)
• United States
14 Apr 07
My husband has two children with his first wife. When we got married, she insisted that their son come live with us, while she retained custody of their daughter. This woman has a good job, her own home and everything she wants. But even after my step son moved in with us, my husband still had to pay child support for his daughter. We had to struggle with four children while she got extra income for one, while my ex twiddled his thumbs and quit his job and went a year without paying until I started pressing it. But even with three kids I never recieved that much money. In my home state, Pennsylvania, they are allowed to take up to 30% for child support.
2 people like this
@sanyah1988 (306)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I think chld support is very unfair when a child is starving and the system says that you have to wait for the courts to process papers. Hello the hungry children. What do they think when they go home at night.
2 people like this
@elizabethbathory (1132)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I know what you mean, sanyah1988 . . . the courts are so obsessed with numbers and forms that they forget that there are real, living, breathing people behind them. It's such a shame. :(
2 people like this
@TotalEclipse (157)
•
14 Apr 07
Child support is calculated on wages and not on what rent you pay. If she is awared the $709 then it will be based on his income and his share in looking after his daughter. I dont think that is unfair at all.
As for it not being spend on her... cost of housing and food etc is also part of cost of having a child. Maybe it doesnt get spend on her directly as in clothes toys and schooling but these are not the only costs.
2 people like this
@emeraldisle (13139)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I know many women who would love to get that much money a month for their child support. I know one who only gets less then $400. I have seen it be unfair though on the one paying the support. Where it is way too high for what they are earning. A lot depends on the state they are living in and some of it has to do with the judge involved but for the most part I've seen it so skewed where either the child support is either so pitiful it's silly or it's way over the amount it should be.
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I have a friens who is an executive for a pretty well known company. He makes an awesome salary, and when he got divorced (his ex wife is a psycho, truly) he kept their 13 year old son and she kept their 16 year old daughter. He pays (this is no joke) $500 PER WEEK in child support, plus alimony. The daughter and the mom both drive new Lexis', and live in a $325,000 house, which is huge in Northern Illinois. Okay, he can afford it, but I still think it is ridiculous, considering neither one of them has any respect for the guy or what he provides for them. He pays his daughters car insurance also, and I can tell you I couldn't even remotely afford it at an adult rate with a clean driving record, let alone for a youthful driver. This poor guy got taken for a ride, divorced because SHE was cheating. I hope I never have to go through a situation like his.
1 person likes this
@elizabethbathory (1132)
• United States
15 Apr 07
$500 per week? Yikes! Well, I guess it's all relative to the amount of money he takes home, but still, that's a high price to pay.
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
21 Apr 07
support awards where i live average $800 per child minimum.
a relative of mine had to move back home after he and his wife were divorced(she filed)-because of the judgement,he cannot afford to live on his own anymore.
she has called him at times (she has custody) and said "pick him up,i have no food"..um..where'd the 800 go?
we keep telling him to report that,but he doesn't.sounds like a good transfer of custody case to me.
@elizabethbathory (1132)
• United States
21 Apr 07
$800 per month and she can't afford enough food to feed her child? Wow, they must be dining out at some very fancy restaurants. Sarcasm aside, I'm sure the parent spending money on everything but the child is more common than most think.
@smwarriar (47)
• United States
14 Apr 07
I totally agree with you. The laws and rules have to same across the board for every state. I dont' understand just because 2 people get married and try to live at some place just because he /she were on this side of the border (of state) they have to suffer !! they would always feel ..man wish I was in different state !! Court should step up to the challenge and do what's in best interest of the Child and NOT for the one who gets the custody...!!
1 person likes this
@elizabethbathory (1132)
• United States
15 Apr 07
There should be a standard, but who knows if there ever will be. What's really sad is when the parent paying the money grows to resent the child that they're paying for. It's not the child's fault, after all, but people often forget that.
1 person likes this
@semak76 (187)
• United States
21 Apr 07
Here's the thing, one person will always think they're paying too much, and the other one will be wishing they got more. Honestly, its not always fair, the courts have to have a standardized way of figureing it out, they cant count every penny of every household that comes across their door. If you're paying, just remember the reason why...to give your child a better life...and if you're receiveing, be grateful that you have someone to help you out with your financial burderns.
