new preamble to the constitution

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"We the people of the United States of America, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights. Article I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. Article II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone--not just you. You can leave the room, turn the channel, voice your opinion, ect; but the world is full of idiots, and always will be. Article III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool company to make you and all your relatives wealthy. Article IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, but are getting tired of subsidizing generation after generation of couch potatoes. Article V: You do not have the right to free heath care. Article VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised when the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair. Article VII: You do not have the right to the possesions of others. Article VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. Article IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means you have the right to pursue happiness. Article X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to where ever you came from. Article XI: You do not have the right to change our countries history or heritage. You have the right to any belief that you want but this country was founded on one true God. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our history and heritage, if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH! Just a few amendments to read and share!