Money related question for stay at home moms?
By cynddvs
@cynddvs (2948)
United States
April 16, 2007 11:12pm CST
Before you got married and had a child did you have any debt that you accrued before you and your spouse and significant other got married and had children? If so after you quit working did it make you feel guilty that your significant other was left to pay for those bills?
The reason I ask this is because before me and my fiance got together and had our daughter I was in school and accrued some student loans. I still have quite a bit left that I owe on them and I feel guilty that my fiance is having to pay them off now that I'm not working. That's part of why I do stuff online to make a little money. I just want to feel like I'm contributing and hopefully eventually make enough to where I can resume making my own payments.
So do any of you feel bad that your significant others had to take over your bills or do you just think it was part of the deal?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@Married2aMarine (1273)
• United States
17 Apr 07
I don't think you should feel guilty. It's obvious that your fiance supports your decision to stay home and take care of your daughter. I'm sure you both feel this is more important at this point in time than for you to work. Your child will only be this young once. They grow up so quickly! Who know...maybe in a few years, you will be back in the workforce. You are contributing. You are raising your child, taking care of the household chores and being a good mother and wife. Money can never replace that.
2 people like this
@cynddvs (2948)
• United States
17 Apr 07
That's very true. I've just never been taken care of like this before. I started working the day I turned 16 and have always had my own money. It's been very hard to me to get in the mind set that being a mother is a job and it really is the most special and demanding job I've ever had.
1 person likes this
@Married2aMarine (1273)
• United States
17 Apr 07
I know how you feel. I was working for more than 10 years before getting married and having a kid and being a SAHM. It was difficult for me to make that transition too. But realise now that you're giving your family the best gift of all...your TIME :)
2 people like this
@jwin2003 (242)
• United States
17 Apr 07
well why from a guys stand point. id rather have my wife home raising my kid into a great person. but i guess not every can afford to do that. i hope the money flows in for you and you are blessed with more than you ever thought possible. i work full time at home on the internet so its possible good luck
2 people like this
@KarenO52 (2950)
• United States
17 Apr 07
I had no debts when I got married, but if I had, it wouldn't have mattered. Once married, I believe, everything should be shared. I've known other couples that had a Mine and Yours approach towards money and bills, but I've never liked that. If you're married, living together under the same roof, any earnings should be shared equally, and whatever spending and savings plan should be agreed upon by both. I think a lot of people get into fights over money after they're married because they didn't talk over the money issues before they were married.
@Suze05 (480)
• United States
17 Apr 07
Fiances will pay your back bills???? dayum...where can I get me one of those??? LOL I don't personally have a fiance and have never been married..and don't think I ever plan to..and I've always been the one who gets stuck with the bums, who I end up having to support..I don't know what it is, but I'm TOTALLY doing something wrong somewhere!! but I wouldn't feel guilty about it unless it was a really substantial amount of money that he was having to pay and it was putting him in a real financial bind or hardship to be able to pay it. He loves you, and he knew about the debt, I assume. When you get married you're a team, and you do things for each other, and if your agreement is that you don't have to work so you can take care of the kids, then you're doing your part. I do think it's a great idea to try to earn what you can, even if it's just a little something extra in your spare time, even if only to be able to have a little bit of your own money to buy him or the kids stuff like birthday presents..I'd hate to have my hubby have to pay for everything and not have any kind of contribution.
