18 year old gonna be daddy
By mnflower
@mnflower (1299)
United States
April 22, 2007 8:16pm CST
Ok my 18 year old stepson and his 16 almost 17 year old girlfriend just told me that they are going to be parents. Wow now there is a long story with this one but will make it short, this is the girl that when the son was 17 she called me and told me she was going to get pregnant and then turn him in for rape and I made them quit seeing each other for awhile, well they did and then they got back together and broke up again and are now together again and she just found out she is pregnant the son says just have to deal with it that it is his he quesses and it does no good to get mad, which is true on his part....now my question to all of this is do you think that I should ask him to make her get a dna test once the baby is born or just let him deal with it the way that he wants too. I know he really loves this girl they been sweethearts for alot of years since see has been 13 so it is not a fly by night relationship for sure. I just don't want him to end up paying support if they break up by chance and she tries to get him for child support but on the other hand I want him to take care of it on his own without me getting in it at all..I kinda feel he made it he has to deal with it. any suggestions? stay out of it? or mention to him that it might be a good idea to have a test run when child is born?
15 people like this
36 responses
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
23 Apr 07
IF this is really love, why the rape threat. Something sounds wrong here.
I would suggest a DNA test, your stepson is too young to get saddled with the responsibility of someone else's child.
even if these kids have been together for 5 years, I would not count on this being a long term relationship. Theya re after all kids ( yes, even at 18) and a child puts stress on the most mature relationships.
1 person likes this
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
24 Apr 07
they have broken up got back together broke up seen other people and got back together several times this last time tho i don't think she seen anyone and neither does he he says I just talk to him and yes she did threatened that when she was kicked out of my house for smoking pot and stealing from us...but we have since made amends and started over so that is good and i told them both it is up to them but I will be here for them.
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
23 Apr 07
Since your son is 18 you can't make any real demands of him...he is an adult.
In your shoes I might talk to her parents about the DNA test or even suggest abortion, The problem that you have here is the 18 year old might still be charged with rape by the state depending on what the age of consent is in these matters, where you live.
Another option that you haven't mentioned is their getting married finding a place to live. It is good that he wants to "just deal" with it but they need a place of their own so that you aren't dealing with her and the baby living in YOUR home.
I know this is a difficult situation that has the potential to get a lot worse. I am sorry you are having to deal with it just when the son is ready to start his life as an adult.
1 person likes this
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
24 Apr 07
no the state can't charge him she is within the age limit for this state. so that is good...I think they will live with her parents or get there own place....abortion is not an option noone is gonna allow her to do that and she would an could never do that. against her religion all the way.
@bonnielass (484)
• United States
23 Apr 07
A DNA test cannot hurt things. Im glad he wants to step up. The relationship just doesnt sound solid though.
1 person likes this
@ladymoonstone143 (1507)
• United States
23 Apr 07
I would go for a DNA test just to be sure and to have a peace of mind...IF your stepson has a little doubt on it. If something happens to their relationship and they broke up, that will be so many years of child support. And child support is not cheap and easy nowdays. You can go to jail if you won't pay.
Plus, having a child is a huge responsibility. So, if there is even doubt on it, make sure so he will not regret it later on if he found out the child is not his.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
24 Apr 07
The best thing is to be a sounding board. Let him know that he can come to you if he needs to talk. If he feels that the baby isn't his, that's when I would bring up a DNA test. But if he knows the baby is his or he wants the baby to be his I wouldn't mention the test.Either way he'll need your support.I hope everything goes well. Take Care.
1 person likes this
@xoShannonNCxo (146)
• United States
23 Apr 07
As hard as it is I think you have to stay on the sidelines with this one! She sounds all sorts of crazy and your stepson is eating out of the palm of her hand. :( I feel sorry for the baby being brought into all this mess! All you can really hope for is that your stepson will soon realize he should have listened to you and will try and make everything right!
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
23 Apr 07
From reading your account of things, it doesn't seem as if your son suspects the child might be anybody's but his own, so I think you need to stand back and let him handle this on his own.
I know it's hard, letting go of your son when he's only 18 but this is an adult age, and you must show him some respect. He'll know what to do, and if he does happen to do it wrong, then he will learn by his mistakes, for future life. I feel that your coming between them will appear to be controlling and possessive and only drive him into her arms anyway.
Let go, and let him sort this out himself, but let him know that you'll be there if he needs any advice, or a shoulder. That's what mum's are about.
Brightest Blessings and early congrats on becoming a Grandma! :-)
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
23 Apr 07
Unfortunately, it's not uncommon in our society that babies are having babies. I would leave it up to him. He's an adult, and he should be able to own up his responsiblities. If he really doubts the baby is his, he should however have a paternity test done. I wish them luck, they're going to need it.
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
26 Apr 07
It sounds like you have a very responsible stepson. He is willing to do what is right by the girl. The girl sounds like she has a problem. To call you and tell you what she told you is sick. He is handling it and I would let him with your support. Let him know that anytime he needs to talk you are there for him. I would suggest to him to go ahead and get the DNA test just so he knows that the child is his. Then he can make a true decision whether he wants to take the responsiblity of the child. Just make a suggestion but let him know that the decision is totally his. What ever he decides you are behind him all the way.
@nic_knick (739)
• China
23 Apr 07
it is ok for guys who are 18 to have kids. and I could remember when I was young. my parents used to tell me that they got married at a young age. and they also told me that my grandparents got married even earlier. and it was quite alright if a girl chose to marry a guy when she was at the age of 14 or 15, which was quite normal. so I do not think it is something wrong for guys to marry early at this age. and why not get married early.
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
24 Apr 07
because these days kids are not ready for marriage at age 18 they are barely able to boil an egg themselves let alone hold down a job and support a family...14 and 15 they are not even fully developed yet and still children and minors and that is punished by our law here.
@paidreader (5143)
• United States
23 Apr 07
Wow! Difficult situation to deal with! I must say that the girl needs to grow up but having a child will speed that process up a bit. A 5 year relationship in school will not be enough to make this work though. The stress & strain of raising and caring for a child will pull them apart eventually if they don't have a very strong relationship. Breaking up is more complicated when a child is involved.
As far as paternity tests, it probably wouldn't hurt to mention it to him, but it will still be his decision to make. Just be prepared for him to reject the idea at first. Once the baby is here...... the situation may change again and again and again.
@mnflower (1299)
• United States
24 Apr 07
ya i asked him if he thought of it or if he is just going to let it go and he said he is sure it is his so I am leaving it at that for now...I told him congradulations and just told them both that I am here for them if they need me for anything. that is really all that I can do.
1 person likes this
@paidreader (5143)
• United States
24 Apr 07
That's all you can do for now. For him, I hope it's his, but if he loves the child as he's helping to raise it, he would still be a father, even if it's not biologically his, you know? ;)
SO, grandma, what do you want to be called by this future family member?
@paidreader (5143)
• United States
23 Apr 07
ps. if it does end up with him owing child support, the courts usually request a test at that time anyway.
1 person likes this
@SheliaLee (2736)
• United States
23 Apr 07
I think you would be right in suggesting he have a DNA test run, especially since the girl told you she was going to get pregnant on purpose and then make the false accusation. It sounds like your stepson really loves this girl but I don't know if she really cares for him the same way. But if they get married and then find out later the child isn't his, then there is going to be more heartache for your stepson. If she really loves him she will be willing to have the test to prove it is really his and then they can get married and start their family in a peaceful way. If your stepson isn't willing to do this then I he will probably need to just deal with it his way and accept the consequences.
@sumofalltears (3988)
• United States
23 Apr 07
I think it should be mandatory for underage girls to get the dna match for their children. It would make child support a lot easier to administer. Even if they are sure it is always a good thing to be on record.
1 person likes this
@charlestchan (1415)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 07
if you ask me for my opinion..i can tell you that i actually think you should let your son to decide what he likes.. does it matter whether that's his son or not? it's whether he feel worthy or not.. if he do love the girl very much.. then.. accept it.. even if it's not his child.. he still can take good care of the child.. why not? such sacrifices are very honorable.. and no one will ever dare to tease or laugh at your son even if one day he found that he's taking of care of others child... right? i think the solution is solely depend on your son..he has to make his own decision.. and nobody should stop him.. but do advise him of the consequences.. and make sure he's always prepared for the worse to come.. isn't that right? :)
@wahmoftwo (1296)
• United States
23 Apr 07
Well I can see how this might upset the girl but it doesn't sound like you are on the best terms with her anyway. I say get the test! That way everyone will know for sure :) Best wishes!
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
23 Apr 07
just stay out of the mess your son created for himself. you tried to interfere in a good way some years back, but the fact that it didnt work out ultimately does say something about their mutual feelings. so dont get between them by suggesting a DNA test coz your son is in that impressionable age when good advice may sound like intrusion into his private life. and of course, he has to grow up someday (i mean if you become a dad at 18, you are not mature enough)and face the music on his own. you can always be there as a support to him (not financially till possible) but you cant take decisions on his behalf.
@crazygirl3129 (134)
• United States
23 Apr 07
I'm going to add a personal note to this. My brother was with a woman for five years, she got pregnant and had a baby girl, the relationship ended, she admitted the child wasn't his, dna tests show the child isn't his, he's still owing child support, he signed the birth certificate when the child was born. So due to the fact that it seems this woman is immature, rape threat and all, there should definitely be a dna test BEFORE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE IS SIGNED! That is very important. And if all goes well you'll have a beautiful new grandbaby and your son will be a proud father and that girl will smarten up.
@curvychick77 (1084)
• United States
23 Apr 07
Hmm well in a simillar situation that happend to a girl I knew, I would say let them have the baby, if you feel uncertain maybe consider a DNA, I mean, they are way to young for this responsibility. He may need to at least get a job to support them, now if she told you she was going to get pregnant and report him for rape then there is something wrong. Let's say they did break up, she is likely to ask for child support, but what if the baby is NOT his, then what? You may want to look into everything, have you maybe considered talking to his dad about it, just to get a second opinion? It might work out, I wish you the best and I hope things work out well with this situation.
@kodie420 (872)
• Canada
23 Apr 07
considering what she has already said to you id want the test ran, have you considered that your son my raise this kid until the ripe age of 12 or so and find out that he isn't the father - how devasting at that age would that be.
most courts now a days can petition it and it doesn't cost anything once it's done that way.
lots of things to sort out in your sons head right about now.
