Question for all parents/step parents out there.

Wow, you are so right. This is a potentially bad situation. She met him online and only knew him for a week. She doesn't even know what kind of person he really is. Also, I agree with you about your kids calling their stepdad by his name. There are not very many cases where I agree with kids calling another person mom or dad. I would say to just keep telling your friend, maybe one day she will actually "hear" you and realize that what she is doing could be detrimental for those kids.

I agree with you about this, it can't be healthy for the kids and you have good reason to be worried for them. Unfortunately, they aren't your kids so there's nothing more you can do if you've already talked to her and she doesn't see the problem. I don't think it's "necessary" for kids to call step parents "mommy" or "daddy". It just depends on the exact situation and what everyone involved is comfortable with. My oldest daughter calls (and always has) my ex-hubby "Daddy". Her "father" left us shortly after she was born and Daddy has been in her life since she was 8 months old. He took on the role right from the start and WANTED it that way. Even 6 years after our divorce, he's a better dad to her than her father was. My older kids have never referred to my s/o as "daddy". And his kids never call me mom. Mine already have a dad and his already have a mom. Depending on the context in which I'm talking about the kids it might sound as though I claim his as my own but usually I try to stress that WE have 8 altogether. I explain if it's necessary otherwise I just let the people assume whatever they want. Not everybody needs it explained to them. As for you're friend, I don't know the situation well enough to judge either way for sure. By what you said it is too much, too fast. If the kids mother isn't around then maybe it will be alright in the end. Chances are your friend isn't the first "new mommy" they've had so probably the impact on them isn't as bad as it would seem.

I think its entirely up to teh children as to when or if they every feel comfortable calling a stepparent anything other than their given name. Every family is different, every situation is different and what works in one case may not work in another.

There's really nothing more you can do. I have step-kids and they don't call me anything other than my name and I call my step-father by his name. The kids already have a mother. I feel that if the children decide that they want to call the step-parent mom or dad, it should be their decision.

I have a hard time with moving someone in with defenceless little kids that they have known so short a time...This could be those kids worst nightmare...I just wonder what people are thinking ...No child should have to call anyone other then their parent by mom or dad...If the child choses to that's another thing... You are not wrong to worry about these children..Looks like the people that should be worring aren't so thankfully they have you..Keep a close eye and trust your gut...If you feel something isn't right call in authorities...if you are right you may save a life ..if you're wrong nothing happens..Good Luck..You are a Sweetie to care..

I don't think you're wrong to worry about these kids in the least. I honestly wish that everyone everywhere were as worried about all children! I do feel like your friend has moved too quickly and is not showing enough concern for how this may affect those children should her relationship with their dad not work out. I worry about the same thing myself with my ex and his live-in girlfriend. But I was very pleased when she asked me to go with her to take my boys to the park so we could talk. She wanted to make sure that I knew that she loves my boys dearly, would never try to replace me in any way with them, would never ever want to do anything to hurt them, and hopes that she and I can be friendly with each other. I was so touched and happy to find that she shares my thoughts about many things, among them the fact that she and I have done nothing wrong to each other so have no reason to feel bad towards each other. So in this case I feel like it's just one more person in this world who loves my boys and will help look out for what's best for them which I'm very happy with! I sincerely wish that all people were as concerned and careful when entering into a relationship with someone who has children. I don't feel it's ever a good idea to make children call someone mom or dad in these situations. I think it gives them the impression that this person is trying to take over their mom or dad's place which can be hurtful and confusing for the children. I let my boys decide for themselves what they call my fiance and my fiance's boys decide what to call me. My boys seem to prefer to call him "Uncle Eric" and his boys like to call me "Aunt Jenn" or just "Jenn". It's so common it's practically cliche but I've had to have "the" talk with his boys about my place with them. The younger one came to me saying that he was having a problem. He was starting to feel very fond of me and more and more comfortable coming to me for help, a talk, a hug or whatever and he was starting to feel a little guilty and confused because it felt like he was betraying his mama somehow. We all sat down and had a big talk about how I do love them, will watch over them, always be here to talk to, give hugs, or whatever but we all know that I am NOT their mom and I would never try to take her place. I just hoped that they'd make an extra spot for me in their hearts as I've done with them just as one more person in the world that loves them and will always be here for them. We all felt more relaxed and comfy with each other after that and I honestly think that this is the healthiest approach to take in these situations. Unfortunately I'm not sure that there's anything more you can do at this point in your situation. You've talked to your friend about your concerns and it sounds like she just feels so strongly that this will work out that it's not a concern. I don't know what else you CAN do. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Maybe this relationship will work out and everything will be fine. If it doesn't with any luck both she and this father will both have learned a valuable lesson and take things slower with the next person. If you're also friends with the father and have any contact with the children maybe you could talk to all of them to express your concerns (first with the dad, of course)? Maybe if you could be another friend to all of them if things DO go wrong you could be there to help the children afterwards? I'm not sure how advisable it is (this could potentially be a real mine field to navigate and I don't envy you in your position at all!) but it might be enough for the children to just hear things like whatever happens it's not their fault, has no bearing whatsoever on anything they did or didn't do, and doesn't change how lovable or worthy of people in thier lives that love them. What do you think?

I've been a stepmom for 13+ years. My kids have moms, they don't need another one. I am called either stepmom or Shannon by my boys. They know I'm here for them & always will be. No need in forcing issues like that.

I agree with you. I have 3 kids and they have different Dads. It is hard. My first child has a close relationship with his biological Dad and my second child has no relationship with her father at all. He abandoned us after i found out he was married after being with him for 5 years and had a child with him. I met my now husband and we have a biological child to gether. My second child calls him Dad but I nor my husband ever asked her to call him that. She just did it on her own. As of a matter of fact she asked him totally on her own to be her Dad. My oldest son calls my husband Dad and by his nickname. I think that he does it because the other kids call him Dad. I think that it should be up to the child. And something like that takes time. You can not force the issue on a child. That parent has to EARN the title not just label themseves. Kids need stability and consistancy. She does sound like she will beable to give that to the kids. And really the kids are the ones that are going to suffer at the parents selfish and imature reasons. That is all real sad......Good luck.

I don't see any reason to call anyone mum or dad if that's not who you are, unless that's what the child wants. I love my stepdad to bits, far more than my Biological dad, who I have no emotional attachment to at all. but I call him his name. he's not my dad. he never will be my dad. and he doesn't need to be my dad.

I think that its good for children to call they're step parent by dad, mom, father, mother, mommy, daddy, etc. Not too soon do mind you, I believe that at a certain point they should be calling them by a parental name mother or father. I have a son, his father isn't my husband. He's only two, and he knows who daddy is. My husband was with me since 4 months of pregnancy, and he has taken care of both of us since then. The real father only tried to come back into the picture after i took him to court for child support, he asked for visitation since i had no reason why he shouldn't I allowed visitaion. However my husband went to basic training for the military in november, in late march my son took a picture of my husband off the computer and pointed to it said one simple word "daddy". Now he used to see his bio father every 2nd and 4th sunday, until we recently got stationed in a new state. He used to cry all the time whenever we'd send him to his fathers house, and now he doesn't because he doesn't have to see him anymore. I think that children will establish who they believe is they're parent, blood or not. If she is pushing the children into this it will be a bad outcome, I don't think its a good idea for her to do that. I hope that she intends for this relationship to last, and doesn't just hope that it will.

I hate to sound so harsh, but I doubt your friend is going to be around those kids long enough to do them any lasting harm. She is probably just going to be a hicough in their lives and hopefully their own mother iwll handle it. I think there is something wrong with what she is doing, even if their mother is out of the picture for some reason. If they were to get married somewhere down the road or was their primary care taker for may years and it was the KIDS idea, then so be it. Otherwise, I think it is a sign of some emotional problem on her part.

I married my husband a month after we met. My son was calling him dad during the 1st week we met. But my son was only 3 at the time so this was the only person he had known as dad. His real dad was not around ever so it was ok. But your friend should really not force it upon the kids.

Yeah I understand it's the hard times for U, Yeah Now The Kids still on Grow Up Time, He or She still don't know waht really happens here? but Someday, The Kids will Ask Who is Exactly my Parents. It Must be like that. that naturally.

Oh wow, she really is setting those kids up for disappointment. She is making a huge mistake!! I have been married and divorced and remarried for 6 mos. now. My kids still call my husband by his name. I was dating a guy before I got remarried and my son jokingly called him Daddy one day, I put a stop to it and explained to him that it was not his Daddy. Needlessto say, we broke up and it was much easier for my kids to have at least a little distance/cushion after the relationship was over. Your friend is not thinking about the kids at all. If they moved in after dating only a week, statistically, their relationship will not last long. All I can say is, poor misdirected kids.

I agree with you. she shouldent have moved in with this guy so soon at all. Plus having these kids call her mommy is very pre-mature. I didnt have my 2 oldest call my husband daddy untill they were ready to. I let them decide when they wanted to call him daddy not theother way arround.

Although i'm not a parent or step parent i do think your right. I believe she should have waited at least six months before moving in though i wouldn't move in with someone unless i had been with them for a couple of years. Eighteen months is the period where most relationships break up so i think asking children to call a partner anything but their name before this time is just selfish though i don't think there is anything you can do. If you wanted to you could tell your friend your concerns but there is no guarantee that he will listen or that he won't resent you for it.

Well, from what I've heard about that website, if she's meeting guys on there, it's not for a long term relationship. LOL! I totally agree that kids should not be forced to call someone mom or dad. I came around when SS and SD were 5 and 1. SS experimented with calling me mom around his friends when he was about 9, but that's it. They call me by my name. I think your friend has a lot of issues going on here. She's moved in with this guy and exposed her kids to him but doesn't really know anything about him yet. It's setting the kids up for a big disappointment at the very least. Good luck!

I agree with you it is way to soon. You never know what the future holds. I am wondering what the mother thinks of her children calling someone else mom in such a short period of time. I have kids and I think I would be upset.

I totally agree with you. She is rushing into things too quickly and neither of them are thinking of the possible damage they could be inflicting on those children. I am not sure that there is anyhting that you could say to someone in that mindset to change their minds. It sounds like she is putting all her eggs into one basket and will be devasted if the basket gets dropped.

I have some cousins who their mother forces them to call her boyfriebds daddy. I think its horrible! My daughter calls my new husband daddy, but that was her choice. His kids call me mom, but that was their choice. I would never force them.