A Sad Realization...

Just the other day, as I was checking my friendster account, I saw my bestfriend in college with a guy I dont know who. So I immediately sent her an email asking whatever happened to her boyfriend. And then yesterday I received her reply and her message made me cry. She said, "you dont expect a friend to tell you what happens to her boyfriend when you dont stay connected to them for a very long period of time". She's a dear friend to me and now she's just too upset because I dont get to call her to even send her an email or so. Since I got married and had my children, we moved out and we are now living in a place 6hours away from her. So many things have happened to me that she doesnt know and so amny things happened to her that I do no know either. We now have different circle of friends, living in different grounds, we travel different roads but I love her as a friend. She is now leaving for Guam and will be staying there for good. She's the best friend that I had and now I am losing her.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I feel the same way with my friends from school. I seem to be the only one married with children and can't relate to anything with them. I don't know what to tell you because I haven't figured it out myself. I am leaning on the side of letting the friendship die and keep your memories. They will probably get married someday and have children of their own and maybe then things will be different.

Yes, I have outgrown some of my friends, but the fact that we have outgrown eachother just tells me that the time is right for us to move on. Those friends whom I was meant to keep, I have kept, and those whom I was not meant to keep, I outgrew, and we moved on.

I feel the same way, except for my best friend from highschool, she's a mother of two but the rest are single. They just have no clue, like when I'm in town they'll call wanting to go bar hopping and I'm say "good God I need rest, I've got a baby!" We all communicate with myspace, but it's not like it used to be. My husband is going through the same thing too, some of his friends have called him "whipped" for not wanting to party, it's really sad!

It is a sad realization but I do believe that there are certain friends that we do outgrow as we get older. I have a close friend who I used to be best friends with but now she does a lot of things that I disapprove of and so I try not to talk with her or anything. It is sad but it is part of life.

Sometimes I also have the feeling that some of my highshool classmates are lost contact with me cos different way of life leading to a huge gap in values on life. I have received a phone call a few months age from a highshool classmate. And actually when we talked, a lot of different points of view between us, so the dialogue end abruptly. Time flies, everything have changed, so the only way for you to feel better is to make some new friends who have common background and character as you, which is a guarantee for a long friendship.

wow I definately know what you mean. I used to be a big partier and bar fly. That was just 2 years ago. Now I have a baby and a husband and it's just not the same. I don't ever go out and if I do it's not to a bar. That's all my friends do. So I rarely see them anymore. It's kind of sad but on the other hand I am too busy most of the time to notice. I dont know if you can ever bridge that gap. It's really hard cause my hubby hates all my friends.

Well, I can say, that I have had that realization before too. I got married and had children at a very young age. I was saying "I do" when my friends were getting Senior pictures. And actually, I let them go. I had to because it was a reminder of my loss of my teen years. It was many things. They were Seniors...what I worked so hard to get to. But I already had a son during my 10th grade year. I ready didn't fit in because when they were going to parties and Homecoming...I was sitting at home or trying to find a sitter. That set me apart from them. So, I lost my friends and moved on with my family. One day...maybe you will get your friends back. But then...maybe you will already have new ones that mean more to you than you could ever imagine. Because I woke up one day...and discovered that my best friend was living next door. And even though we no longer live next door...she means the world to me!

I also agree with you.I feel nostalgic when remembering my school days and my friends,that was the best life I think.

It's really hard especially when you lead such seperate and different lives. I grew up and went to high school in Scotland and lost touch with just about all my friends when I moved to canada. I kept in touch with my best friend and we have led very similar lives, getting married and having kids etc, which certainly made things easier. I'm kind of with the idea of just remembering the good times rather than be frustrated at rying to maintain a friendship that isn't necessarily what it should be.

I get this way every now and again... I have managed to contact a few - one a very good friend at the time seemed to be bothered answering even a brief email... just a quick: yes this is me. eh? another is still a punker into her 40s and I guess we just are too different in our psychologies to revibe the friendship. I seem to get especially nostalgic for the way it used to be, for lost friends and good old family get togethers, every time I have a baby. I guess it is tied in to the baby blues.

I think friendship is something you need to keep on fanning so it burns. It's hard to get it back after so long. Not impossible though. If you really miss some friends, meet up with them and see if your friendship can be revived. It's worth the try.

I went home after 10 years, and saw some of my old friends. Unfortuantly you are right about outgrowing your friends. Some of them didn't even seem to have grown up any since the last time I saw them. I only have one friend from high school that I keep in contact with. We have been best friends for 17 years now. She is still single and doesn't have kids, and i have been divorced and have 3 but we can still seem to get on the same wave length. We can go for a year or more without talking to each other, and still pick right back up again.

I think, for the most part, outgrowing your high school friends means that you have grown up. There's nothing wrong with that and that's not to say that at some point in your life you can bridge the gap. When I was in my twenties I remember running into a high school acquaintence with her daughter who she was wheeling in a stroller. I had nothing in common with her at the time, but later on, when I had kids of my own I could see the connection.

I moved to Spain 3 years ago and have lost contact with lots of people, but some carry through. I think we move on from some people, but that doesn't mean they didn't have a special place in our lives. Circumstances change and your friend with new guy may have a child in the future and your worlds may mix again. Sometimes old friends turn up again unexpectedly and we also meet new people so our world is always changing. I think its sometimes best to just go with the flow and see if people keep in touch later on.

I know what you mean - I had a discussion going on these boards about which doors are closed behind you forever, I guess this is one of them. Its sad how people move on, but gosh! I guess that's how life is. I don't really think anything can bridge the gap cos your focus is so different. If they move to the phase you are at in time, then there are chances of the similarities making a cement for the friendship to rebond, otherwise, I guess memories are a better replacement. Great post by the way and I loved responding!

I do feel that way sometimes. There are those friends that were so close before during the old times and now we do not have contact with. I still have few high school and college friends that are still close and it is from them that I know what happened to those other friends. I am just glad that our batch have close bonding before that every time we see each other, even after 10 years we still feel the same closeness. Well...first few minutes is like a shock but later, conversation feels the same like we used to. To bridge the gap, we try to talk about what happened in those years that passed and bring the memories of the past to remind us of that special time together.

i'm not that old.. but i do have primary school friends which i think it's quite impossible to keep in touch with them now.. i do miss them.. and sometimes.. i wish i could go back to the past.. so i can tell them how much i like them.. i hope this friendship last forever.. that's why i think.. every friendship must be appreciated.. if not.. you'll regret someday.. i think my case is kind of similar with yours.. now .. if i meet back my old friends.. i'll be talking about making money.. and they'll be talking about fashion and teens and so on.. haha.. i feel as if i'm so old =)

Its true.friends are the people we always need in our lives.I miss my friends alot too and sometimes i miss those days when we were together.You are lucky you can still be in touch with them whereas me..i am too far away from them i mean they are in different country.We should not let our friendship just vanish like this we should keep in touch with them,cause they are our companions from those times ,in which we needed them,when we were growing up,and thats the time we never forget so why forget our friends