It might be MY JOB...but why can't I get a little help around here?

I have a chronic illness so some things I am unable to do, and pushing me beyond my limits is one of them. My husband vacuums and washes the floors and takes care of all outside work. He helps out with the dishes and the kids. But then there are those days when golf is the only thing on his mind - like today. My 14 year old is at a camp for four days with her grade 8 class. Since my husband was golfing, I had to deliver her newspapers. When I got back I said, "I did the groceries, I made the dinner and I delivered papers. You can wash the dishes." I also pointed out that our minds never stop being mothers while he is on the golf course not even thinking about us at all. "If we were in a car accident you would say it could wait until you finish your golf game." He denied that that would be the case. This is the guy who watched me leave the house by ambulance after a bad reaction to a vitamin, then turned around and got a babysitter and went to work. He did not come to the hospital. I understand that the guy is under a lot of stress having to support this family on an income that doesn't quite cut it, and thinks his ill wife is not ill enough to not work, so a game of golf helps him de-stress, but what do we have to do to de-stress? When I go out to my writing group, I still have to come home to laundry and dishes and homework. It is a 24/7 job and guys, well, they still want to be boys. Now I know why my mother said she wanted for me to marry someone like my father. Except they broke the mold when they made my Dad.

I totally know what you are saying. I work part time outside the home and still do most of the housework,yard work, take care of the kids, and home school the kids. My husband does work long hours and works outside in all kinds of weather,but it would be nice if they were to offer to help instead of expecting me to do it all. I have to beg the kids to get their help most of the time. It drives me crazy! I think that we should all go on strike, but the whole world would be condemned due to lack of maintenance. HA HA!!

Well its always like that i guess..but if you have trained your children to help you with the chores then there is really no problem..its what i do to my children ..i give them some schedule to follow on what specific chores theyre going to do according to their availability in our house, theyre all grown up now and very responsible i guess , i start this one when theyre still in their teens..

I'm a stay at home mom but I fully expect my husband to chip in and help out around the house and he does. He takes out the garbage, does all the yard work, picks up after himself, cooks on the weekends, helps takes care of the kid and does dishes now and then. But if I had left it all up to him, I'm sure he would be happy if I did everything around the house! hahaha! I had to sit down with him and work out who's going to do what. I think that's fair. I tell him all the time...I have a full-time job too...in fact, mine has longer hours and zero compensation. Don't be afraid to ask and get help around the house. God knows we could all do with some more help!

I know exactly what you mean. I get so tired of doing the same things day after day. And, it never seems to be appreciated. My hubby does help once in a while. I think I just don't like keeping house.

Oh yes my husband and kids totally take advatage of all the things that i do for them. It;s like my hubby is worse than the kids though he leaves his clothes wherever he takes them off and his crap all over the house its like HELLO Did I Birth you too? NO!! I love them all but sometimes I wish they where more grateful for all that I do. I guess they just get used to it and expect it from us. But they do need to do somethings for themselves sometimes.

I feel the same way sometimes I mean I love taking care of my house but sometimes especially if I am tired or not feeling good it would be nice.

First of all, it is not OUR JOB as women to pick up after our whole family and clean while they do nothing. Secondly, i totally understand you, because i'm living the same situation. I also have back pain, and my husband knows it, and he never ever picks up after himself, never does any dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc. and when i ask him to take out the trash or recycling bin,he complains. He is just so lazy! The way he says it, it's like his job demands more of him, than my job does of me, therefor, he can relax when he gets home at 5h30, but I, who got home at 9h30 tonigh,have to pick up his dirty mug, glass, plate, put his dirty clothes in the wash basket, even make my own damn coffee!! The nerve of these men, who say they respect and love us, they sure have a funny way of showing it! OMG, i'm getting so pissed just writing this! I have tried to make him change for the past 5 yrs, and nothing, if anything,it's getting even worse with time...and we still don't have kids... i am discouraged. Anyone got any tricks that work? Why are men so lazy??

I went through this too. I have a back disease and the pain gets really bad. I still have to run the house though or things will fall apart. Then I came up with chores since two of my children have been trained on what to do and how I do things. My oldest daughter takes care of her room and her sister's. Then she takes care of the bathroom plus two of our pets. My oldest boy takes care of his room and his brother's plus the livingroom. Then he takes care of our other three animals. I clean my room and the kitchen. We all help on laundry since it's everyone's. The way I got this started is bribing them. I put money in their bank accounts once a month for the help. They even ask do I need help with any of my chores when they are done. My oldest sometimes will even help cook or take over the cooking. I had to do something so I wouldn't hurt as bad. They understand and don't complain. Good luck. Oh my husband just takes care of the yard work or cleaning off the porch or cleaning out the shed. Sometimes he'll cook.

Did you see the recent article where if stay at home moms were given a salary it would be a little over $138,000 per year? And moms who work outside the home would still be worth over $89,000? My hubby does the laundry that I don't get done during the week, and he cooks on occassion, but he works approximately 72 hours a week so he isn't home much. Stay at home moms truly lack the credit they deserve. I could never quit my job and be home full time, I'd rip my hair out!

Unfortunately it's the same with the husband, he still has to go to work every day even if he's sore & tired too. I have a good partner, he helps with dishes, cooking & yard work, although he hasn't done any yard work for a bit & there's a bit to be done now but i refuse to do it coz i have to take care of the inside stuff! As well as the baby! I don't do windows either coz i have a bad back so he doesn't mind doing that which is a good thing for me!

yes,definetly.even when i'm sick,i still have to get up and do what i normally do. the house would probably have rats if i didn't :( i can't even get them to empty their own garbage most of the time.

It is really very inconsiderate of your family not to help you with the household chores especially that you are having pains when you overdo with it. maybe you should remind them again and again that you can no longer do all the chores alone and that they really should help out. when its not helping ---then try making a list of all the household chores, marked the chores that you can handle and for the chores you cannot handle - ask your whole family to help and make them commit to it. But if your husband is working full-time, it may not be right to expect too much from him but bringing the garbage out, vacuuming on weekends, put used clothes in the laundry basket or a little cleaning after his own mess is surely not too much to ask. or ask him to do the heavy grocery once a week. hope your kids are old enough to help you with sweeping or cleaning the windows. otherwise you may have to leave some chores undone if your back is hurting too much -it may also help your family see the situation better ...but i know its very difficult for us women to leave chores undone. i wish you luck with your family.

Before my husband and I got married I made it very clear to him that I am not a housewife. I will cook and clean and all of that, but you will pitch in. It works really well for us because he loves to clean and I hate it. Sometime when he gets busy with work I do feel like I am being taken for granted, because I will do everything and not have him lift a finger and it is like he doesn't notice. I guess it is just a man thing.

I hear you and I often feel that way. My husband used to help me when we were first married with the vacumming and the dishes and even the cooking. But not anymore. He does work alot of hours and isnt always home so I always cut him a break. Arent I just wonderful? LOL Yea right. So now if he is home and Im doing something I will ask him in a nice way to please vacumm the living room while I start the dinner. And he will do it. And I always thank him. That makes them feel good.

I hear you! It isn’t your job--- It’s the job of whoever lives in the house and helps make the messes! My sig. other helps out a lot- I think out of fear- LOL… My daughter just started doing more chores- She has a list of things she needs to do each day! Its great- I can’t believe how much less time it takes to do the major cleaning on the weekends! I say get them to help out! Stop doing so much and when they can’t stand it anymore maybe they will chip in- You should not be doing what hurts you!

yes, my hubby was the same way and i got really ticked, so much so (he didnt listen to anything i said) that i left him for 6 months last year...risky move but it paid off...he helps around the house, he does ALL of the cooking, (i have also gotten a part time job since we have gotten back together) anyways, it might take a drastic move such as that to get him to wake up!! maybe you should go on strike??

yes, my hubby was the same way and i got really ticked, so much so (he didnt listen to anything i said) that i left him for 6 months last year...risky move but it paid off...he helps around the house, he does ALL of the cooking, (i have also gotten a part time job since we have gotten back together) anyways, it might take a drastic move such as that to get him to wake up!! maybe you should go on strike??

My husband will do things around the house but not becouse I ask him to becouse he wants to help. I have no trouble getting it all done and holding down a full time job. I know sometimes it can be hard but is it worth arguing over.

You know I heard a statistic on the radio that if housewives were paid for what they do (cleaning, physician, psychologist, ect.) they would make $138,000 a year. Too bad they don't get paid. But I would say they deserve that money.