On The Rebound

maybe this happens because when you enter a relationship and be in it for quite some time, you get used to being with someone, to having someone to talk to, to having someone care for you and having someone to care for. when the relationship ends some women who are not over it will suddenly feel an emptiness as the life (and love) they got used to is no longer there. so they tend to look for an outlet to which they can pour the affection they got used to showing and look for the affection that they got used to receiving

I think this is a "self-esteem" problem.....some people do not know how to stand on their own.....they do not think they are strong enough...so they are bound to an eternity to bouncing from one bad relationship to another! I know....in my past....I have lived this.....I just did not feel that I deserved any better...after a couple of these....I gave up on ever finding a happy, healthy realtionship...swore off men....then......thankfully, I was fortunante enough to meet a man who believed in me and was willing to wait for me to rediscover who I really was...we have been married now for almost 20 yrs. but we did not even go out for 3 years.... Many people have been hurt so deeply by these bad relationships.....yet, seem to slip right back into another one.....

Firstof tell me, that its not only in acse of women. I think men also feel the same way. I have seen this in case of my friend. The story was like this. We were good frineds.We met at office.From the very initial stage he shared that he has a Gf and all. Also he used to share his problems with me. Again i noticed that by time passing we became close. But after a few problem with his GF they broke up. You won't believe taht after just a week, he proposed me.I was so surprised as I always considered him as my friend.I declined him I understood that its rebound. As they bropke up, he wants to keep his head on my shoulder to support on. That was ok. But his approach seemed wrong. I made him undersatnd many times that its just he wants to hold somebody. he always told me, no. He had the feelings from start but for his girlfriend cud not tell me anything.

I think a lot of people-- not just women-- are very (or even pathologically) "other referencing." That is, they attribute a HUGE part of their self-definition to other people in their immediate surroundings. Maybe it's a sort of "cool, by association" syndrome. In the couple of brief relationships I have had with "rebounders," the underlying issue seemed to be a great fear of being alone. When I reflect on that, on a deeper level, it goes right back to the "other referencing" issue... when you have to spend a lot of time by yourself, your focus tends to shift from "external" to "internal," and a lot of people seem either afraid, or not ready, to face their own inner demons... it's easier/less scary to just find the "next great hope" and place your attention there. Of course, I'm just theorizing, here.

Here's another theory: Maybe these women (or men) are terrified of being alone and they settle for whoever will promise them they will never be alone. Of course, the promises mean nothing and they are left to find another to fill that void (or in this case, calm the fear). This is very unhealthy, but telling them this isn't going to reverse the behavior. This is something they need to learn the hard way.

i guess its the fact that after a break up, the woman is very vulnerable and that her self esteem is really down in the dumps, thats why she will go for the first man who will make her feel important again.

Some females are like that , they think to replace immediately the lost love will make her life lively again and happy..and it works for me too that way, it tend to forget the hurt that i feel..

this is only my opinion. i think the problem is deeper than just having some guy to shower her with affection. most of the time the problem has something to do with the family. the way she was raised/treated as a child by her parents. lack of love and attention inside the family may result in these behavior in a child's adult life. if she could not find love at home she/he will look for it somewhere else.

I think it's because some women have low self esteem and they need a man to define and validate them. They long to feel loved because they have not yet learned to love themselves. They don't realize that they can't be happy in a relationship if they don't love and respect themselves first.

You said it yourself, some women, and men for that matter, ALWAYS have that need of a special someone in their lives. For some people it may be compulsive, for others, it's a REAL NEED to have someone in their lives that cares for them, if only for a few days. Therefore, the rebound. In my opinion, these "rebound loves", are not real love, they're more or less infatuations. As for the answer to your question about getting through to someone that being content does not mean that you always have to be in love~~~that's something they have to learn for themselves, it may take quite some time, but once they realize it, they'll live by it.