Quit blaming the parents

I would be ashamed if peers played a bigger role in my kids' life than I did. I don't know how I would justify that to myself, let alone my children. I consider myself resposnible for my children's actions until they are 18, and only hope I have done the best possible job I can in raising them. After they hit their majority, I can't be held legally responsible for them, but I certainly hope I will still play a part int heir lives.

It is up to the parents to educate their children and keep an open relationship so that children are not afraid to talk to them about what is going on at school or where ever. If something happens at school (and lots of stuff does) there is always a "he said, she said" attitude and the teacher doesn't know who to believe. Besides, being a snitch doesn't bode well with friends. I have seen different types of families and I think the family dynamic plays a very important role on how a child turns out. Our neighbours are two working parents whose son (12, 13 in July) comes home to an empty house every day. Other kids know there is no adult at home and hang around, try and get in the house and eventually the police had to get involved. I am home for my children when they get home from school. If they need to rant, I am there. If they need to jump for joy over some achievement, I am there. It is so important to me and to them. My daughter had to deal with a very bossy friend. I had to point out to her that she was being shuffled back and forth between her divorced parents and that she probably wasn't being heard so she turned on my daughter, one of the meek and mild types who couldn't stand up to her. I did speak to the teacher and asked to have their desks be separated in the classroom. The teacher acknowledged that he saw something wrong between the two and did as I asked. That "child" has now moved to a different district and a different school. But we live in a small town and my daughter hates running into her. We're not sure if they are going to end out at the same high school or not. Another family dynamic includes step-parents and step-children. I can't begin to imagine what that can do to a child. In some cases it can have a positive affect, but I have no doubt children struggle with these "intruders". Also, children each have their own unique personalities. My parents raised five children all the same, but we are no way the same. My middle sister was quite the rebel as a teenager, got pregnant, the whole nine yards. Is that my parents' fault? Is that society's fault? There are other examples but I think I've made my point. Do you think society is responsible for these situations? Society and schools and parenting seminars can help, but when you take on the role as parent, you take on the whole role. It is a full-time job, and it isn't easy. But you choose to be a parent then you have to put your whole heart into it. We have to stop putting the blame somewhere and be proactive as parents.

I have to disagree. It's a parents obligation to teach their children right from wrong. If there is a good foundation laid out by the parents then the child will not follow "peer pressure" blindly. There are also needs to be good communication between child and parents. Also, peers should not play a greater role in a child's life than their parents. The parents are the ones (should be anyways)who raise the child and teach right from wrong, not their friends.

I dont believe that it is the parent's fault if a child misbehaves in school. We as parents always hope that we have taught our children the basics of behavior and right from wrong. I object to parents who try to run interference for their kids when they do get in trouble with the attitude "my child would never do that". Kids are kids and they see what they can get away with and do it. My kids got in trouble in school. One even ended up on probation. I always told my kids that if they got in trouble at school, they'd be in trouble twice, once from the school and once from me. There is peer pressure and some kids respond to that pressure, no doubt. Eventually they learn especially if the parents dont coddle them.

Good rant but there are soem truths to it as if you estabish a good relationship with your child then they will feel comfortabel talking to you about different groups of friends and will not need to feel the peer pressure and they will be less likly to do what that group is doing but then again they may just do it to fit in no matter what. A parent should step in when there child does follow acceptabel behaviours in school and public but using the excuse "kids will be kids" is nto right either.

I agree, although there are SOME parents that ARE to blame, and that sort of makes the rest of us look bad. Peer pressure is ridiculous and it was even back when I was in school, and I know it seems to be even worse now!

I agree that a child that acts up in school, skips school or whatever at school is the child's fault, and generally--at least where I'm from, anyway--it is the child that gets detention, not the parents. Now where we lived before I yanked him from their school and started teaching him at home, that was a different story. The school was making us come to meeting after meeting and it ended up in court, long story, so I won't go into detail. I also agree that young girls sometimes do become promiscuous, but it is their own mistake to make. Parents don't (at least I hope they don't) teach promiscuity, they teach the opposite. Children rebel. And when they rebel to the point of being uncontrollable, it's time to start teaching the difference between rights and privileges. But, on the other hand, parents are responsible to a point. If a child has a bad home life, that child is going to act out in other places, mainly school. If some parents didn't leave their children to be raised by TV, babysitters & neighbor kids, there would be a whole lot less promiscuity going on. Notice this problem with teen pregnancy wasn't always here. People used to teach their children to not screw before marriage, and had dire consequences if they did. We don't have that anymore. The economy has made to where even 2 parent families have to work full time and limits parenting time. Though many of us find ways around that and still continue to parent our kids, I can see why some people find it much easier to send their kids off into the neighborhood with no supervision to do God only knows what. Basically, it's six of one and a half-dozen of the other.

IMO Parents ARE to blame first and foremost....yes there are other factors but those factors ONLY come into play after the parent has already established and set the stage for the childs behaviour and attitude....but it all starts at home right from infancy so yea IMO on the list of influences parents is top of the list

You can avoid the role`s parents completely. We still accept the person as a subproduct of the reality where he/she lives. But we need to have more differentiated and individual approach when we judge somebody`s behaviour. To follow the stereotypes is just easier.

Yes your are correct.We should quit blaming our parents for every thing. But somewhere I belive parents are responible for you almost 97 percent of our personality!! They should take some time out of their busy lifes to know their kids more precisely!! At some places parents ignore their kids. I belive that your each and every act is taken from the person whom you live with most of the time. you live with mostly with your parents ,friends,relatives or room mates.Your surrounding affect you a lot. So its not only the parents, its the surrounding what mostly affects the children and teenagers.Your parents should take care of your surronding either by correcting the people arround you or by correcting themselves only!! It more of a "complicated" thing to understand!!

Here's what I see. And I am not going to blame my mother for anything. During the formative years of a child's development the mother\father is in complete control. DURING THE FORMATIVE YEARS... Hitler said (PARAPHRASED): Give me your child til he is 8 years old, and I'll give you a NAZI. We can blame parents! They should be willing to accept responsiblility for what they did if you expect the child to accept the blame. Should the parents be CONGRATULATED if their child does (did) well? You betcha..then the rotten parents who ruined an innocent child and caused him\her to loose heart should be blamed when blame is due.

I agree with you totally. Society points the finger at the parents when a child does something terrible and a parent can only do so much. They raise their child the best they know how. If a child is with a group of kids and the group of kids decide they are going to go in a store and steal the peer pressure sometimes makes a child do what he/she wouldn't do under other circumstances. I have heard it more than once that parents should be held accountable for what their children do. As long as the child knows right from wrong I feel they should bare the consequencses of their actions. Give it a rest. Parents for the part are good parents but they can't be with their child 24/24. The best a parent can hope for is that they have laid a good foundation and the child will follow what they have been taught no matter how many of their friends try to get them to do otherwise.

Thanks having raise d 3 of my own we have a great relationship adn it is hard to determine where a parent ends and a friends begins but i belive i have doen my best theyare aactive insports not been i trouble with the law aare not players or lovem and leave em type. They know what sort of behaviour is expected from a person in society adn treat others the way they wanna be treated.

I do not agree at all. I think it starts out at home. Yeah a lot of parents are just blind to what is really going on with thier kids and that is why they act out. My parents were very open with us but very strict and yes we did act out as teenagers but my parents were not afraid to call us on it and tell us they really do know what is going on. There are so many parents that don't see what is really going on or don't want to see what is going on because they don't want to admit that they may have not did something right with them. I see it for myself that every decision you make from the time that they are a day old effects who they will become. Wheather it be discipline, teachings, manners, support, and communication.

One more thing I want to add here. When parents cause their children to wrath and wrath hard...you'd better believe they will turn out in a way the parent never expected. Do not make your child wrath and loose heart. The blame will be on the parents who did this to their child. You can train a child and not beat him\her into submission. That is not what parenting is all about.

I seen a bumper sticker the other day that said my counselor has taught me everything is your fault. I think to a point its the parents fault but when the kid knows that their parents wouldnt approve or isnt what they were raised on than they are on their own. We all follow in our parents footsteps to some degree until we get the tools to break free of that path. Sometimes its not always a better path that children follow.

The parents can not be blamed for the decisions that our children make...but we are responsible for the education that they get from us....I feel that it is our responsibility to teach them what behaviors are acceptable in society....but you're right in that the sterotype of it being always the parent's fault is over used! Once, we, as parents, give our children the beginning lessons of life and try to guide them into adulthood...that is all we really can do except be there to support them....the "life decisions" are up to them once they reach a certain age.

I would say the same thing - "Stop blaming the parents." A person, even with good parents, can end up very complicated. External and internal factors, apart from parents, can play a bigger role in a particular case. And a parent need not blame himself nor feel embarrassed that there are other factors with greater influence on their children in a particular case. Life is very complex. So, it would indeed be unfair to blame the parents in any way. There is little they can do to control the complex factors that interplay in the life of their children. But the stereotyping has a basis too. That is why it is a big responsibility to be a parent. Parents have the greatest influence in the formation of the character of the child from 0 to 14 years of his life. He learns values, his concept of right and wrong, his first lessons about life from his parents. The parents hold the child from infancy, tabula rasa. First the parents, then the rest (school, church, community, books, mass media, particular experiences, friends, people they come into contact with, etc.) But it is never just the parents. They can only do so much and then pray and trust that they have taught their child well to serve him in his lifetime. You want to tell your father that you are sorry. What does that show about you? You were taught well by your parents. You had good parents. They had a good child. You can't blame yourself for people talking about your parents not bringing you up well. They are not trying to understand you. Your hanging around with a person who has gotten into trouble with the law is not in itself a bad thing, is it? You know why you made the choices you made. Nor is the person you hang around with bad, is he? Wouldn't that be stereotyping if you say he is bad? You're okay.

At the risk of being attacked myself, I thought I would throw my two cents in. I put the disclaimer in advance: I have a toddler right now, and hope to raise a teenager one day (God help me). Parenting and Peer pressure both play huge roles in children. My daughter goes to day care and seeing all the other kids eat green vegetables, or go to sleep for nap had made her follow along. Peer pressure can be good. However, as a parent, I know it is my job to give her a foundation to make decisions on in the future. There will be bad peer pressure at some point, and I hope I have given her the right tools to make the right decisions. But, she is human, and as such, she will make bad decisions. I have a job to do to raise her, and it has been the most rewarding job I have ever done. But my daughter needs to understand that if she makes a mistake, she is the one that has to deal with the consequences. At some point she will be an adult, and she may even have her own kids. Buffy the Vampire Slayer taught us that all decisions (both right and wrong) have consequences. I can only hope my daughter learns what she needs from me to go out in the world. I will always be here for her, but I can't live her life for her.

It's also my opinion,the children's problem depends on kinds of things, not only their parents' fault.