going through a tremendous change in life and need help

Ciao heartandsoul, again BRELUSTE to you... I understand yours feeling for the small child..(that´s rigth..poor child..), but about your r"relactionship" or how you like to call that..with that person..Well let me tell you that you have not lose so much, if he need a cleaner, he can employ it.. Firstfull you have to found your own dimension, and start to enjoy life with or withouth a male figure, then you will see by yourself, it come allmost automatically..In the middle of you little - big world, somebody will be the difference to you..And if doesen´t happen..who care..You enjoy life ANYWAY!!! Big hug from BRELUSTE dk

Hello Breluste: I understand the parts about being alone with the universe and having stability. I am now in the process of obtaining stability. this is the moment to re create my life, sometimes I find myself a little confused about where I am going, what I am to do with myself, but I feel all this will come with patience from my part (which I am really stubborn with) I have always struggled with patience. I am sure I will keep on practicing this asset because that is onother thing that I need in my self. I would much rather be alone now, yes, because I was that person you explained. I felt very alone when I was with him and his child (I had raised his little one since she was 5 months old) He needed me to babysit, clean the house, do the laundry, serve his dinners, and take care of them both while he went on with his life improving it. Now, it is time for my life to improve. I miss the little angle more than anything but he always used her against me, and even when he was angry with me he would bring her into his arms to teach her how to treat me. This was horrible. Poor sweet child. anyway, to hurtful to talk about at this point. I will end with bravo for your life.

thank you for your response: Please do not feel sorry for me, i did get involved in this one. I truly believe it takes two in any situation to be created. I do have wonderful friends, my first friend victoria is a survivior of uterine and cervical cancer. She is more woman than I have ever known, she has made a space for me to sleep and begin this journey. I could not ask for anything more loving and understanding. I have other friends that are men also, they are truly needed and loved at the same time for all that they have contributed for this journey (there arms are truly needed to move my things) and along with that good support. Your journey sounds amazing, i like to hear more about climbing out of the black hole into the light. I hope that you can post more about how you became so strong to keep your jouney in tack. your friend heartandsoul

I am glad that you have some friends to help you, it is very important. For me my relationship was never meant to be, and we both never realistically felt it would be forever. I think that our split wasn't totally unexpected and I was more upset by the thought of being a single mum than not having him around any more. It was my kids that kept me strong. I knew I didn't want them to suffer just because we had split so I worked really hard to make life as good as possible for them and that keeps me strong even now.

hello golfproo thank you so much for your kind words, and wisdon. It is amazing how just when I read this e mail from you, the night before I did get really angry. My lord, I felt horrible. I did this and was in a safe place, and my wonderful friend victoria helped me out tremendously. I woke up this morning feeling new again. I wrote down the things I need to do today on my list, and am keeping to them. I am on a venture to the old age home down the street today to see if they need any help with the elders. I sure hope they do, it is not good for me to sit around all day, then I get into the self-pity, and oooh lonley me stuff, and then the anxiety attacks start hitting me really hard. funny, my girlfriend and I were talking of revenge, and she said the same thing. Revenge is living my life well. I do not mean to end this comment to you with a negative sentence, but, can you believe he already has another girlfriend! It has only been one month since he threw me out. I am sort of okay with this just stunned, I cannot even think of that right now, and on the 27th I will be moving the rest of my things out of the house. His new girlfriend is having a hard time with my things being around soooo, whatever, i will do what I need to do for now. Thank you so much for your concerne and care for my well being.