Why does it seem that women get hurt in relationships more than men do?
By ctrymuziklvr
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
United States
May 17, 2007 8:27pm CST
I'm sure there will be a couple of guys jumping down my throat for this but they have to realize they are in the minority. It's a sad fact that it's usually the woman who puts 100% into a relationship and is lucky if the guy puts in 50%. There have been thousands of books written on the subject and probably just as many or more articles. We don't see many movies about men crying because they were left at the altar do we? Yes, there were a couple but the majority are men.
I had a boyfriend once who I was deeply in love with and I thought he felt the same way. After a few years my girlfriend gave me a book called "He's Not That Into You" and I was amazed at how everything in that book was exactly like my b/f! Everyone saw it but me. Needless to say that relationship didn't last.
There are very seldom any relationships that end because the woman has decided to leave. Isn't it always the man? Their looking for "something better, different,their space" or whatever little cliche' they can think of. The worst one being the other woman! We seldom hear of "the other man" right? There are even songs written about the other woman so I can't be totally wrong. Of course this is all my personal opinion and the way I feel personally.
Everyone has had different experiences with relationships and the good ones that last forever deserve a lot of credit to both parties. But why is it almost always the woman who gets the broken heart?
11 people like this
36 responses
@naty1941 (2336)
• United States
18 May 07
My experience in life is different than yours as I have had to deal with more men than women at work (I am now retired). Men get hurt just as much as women but they don't talk about it to everyone. Women tend to tell people about their pain more than men do so we have a skewed outlook on women and men. Believe me men get hurt also.
2 people like this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
I'm sure men get hurt also, I've actually met a few. My discussion is more on what has happened in my life and to myself and my friends.
@donsky14 (5947)
• Philippines
20 May 07
That is so true...I have a lot of guy friends -cause I'm an engineering student- And I've seen them hurt and even cry because of girls. My boyfriend cries as well, whenever we have our fights...men do get hurt. They just don't show it as much as women do.
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
18 May 07
This is so true. Women get hurt more because they give everything to the relationship (heart, body, soul, even wealth!) build the world around one man and when they get dumped or the relationship doesn't work out, the world shatters into smithereens. Women are very emotional, while men on the other hand use more of their heads (both heads, that is :P) and not their hearts. They can actually program their mind to control their heart. It's amazing how they do it, but it works for them. If they are emotionally hurt, they just turn to their work, and engage in other activities to forget or get over with what they feel. They don't sign in sick for a week and spend the whole day crying themselves to sleep. Most men don't show their real feelings. They could be dying inside, but no one will never notice as they have a strong image on the outside. Women almost always let their emotions get the better of them. If only they can put a sort of balance in between, then maybe they will be just like men who find the strength to move on easily. Just my 2 cents though. :)
1 person likes this
@steney (1418)
• Philippines
19 May 07
I think it's normal for anyone who's been into a relationship to have his/her own share of problems. I find comfort in the thought that everyone is different, even men. But I know it's going to be hard to find a man who can be transparent with his feelings and be able to verbalize it in a way a woman can understand. Sometimes a man and a woman refer to the exact same thing and yet say it totally different ways. Oh well, they are from Mars aren't they? :)
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
From your response I would say you have had relationship problems also. What we have to realize is that everyone is different and that if we're lucky we will find the man who is not hesitant to show his feelings and willing to put all he has into a relationship.
@leeesa (884)
• United States
18 May 07
Yep, most women seem to put their whole hearts into relationships. I think women tend to be more trusting and therefore more niave in the relationship. As for most men, the only thing they put in 100% is their _________(fill in the blank)
Now I know that all men are not like that, but I have yet to meet one.
1 person likes this
@DavidReedy (2378)
• United States
18 May 07
You see, what you expect to see. It can never be any different than that. You craft your reality as you go, and both your internal voice (mind) and your actions will serve to prove your beliefs right-- otherwise, you'd be insane, right?
1 person likes this
@leeesa (884)
• United States
18 May 07
I see what I see based on past experience. Unfortunately, I've made mistakes and the results of my poor decisions have cause me to put up a defensive wall when it comes to men. I am quite certain that although it is invisible, it can be felt by those around me and this is why I'm still single! I suppose it isn't fair to categorize men (or anyone for that matter) but as humans, we tend to protect ourselves from the things (or people) that have hurt us.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
It looks like I've opened up a can of worms here and these are only the first two responses. I'm afraid to keep going...lol...but your both right. Everyone is different and it's not good to categorize people. But, we have to go with what has happened in our personal experience.
@golfproo (1839)
• Canada
18 May 07
Well, you are talking to a man who is the one that is devastated by the end of his relationship. 13 years of marriage down the tubes and all the time, effort, money, and tears that went with it. All because my wife wants to start living like she did in college again. She wants to stay out to all hours and be elsewhere. Even though we have 2 children at home she has decided the married life is not for her. So who is the hurt one? This time it is the man.
cheers,
@nmhschic2004 (1238)
• United States
19 May 07
golfproo my father has been acting the same way. And my mother is very hurt by it. But she has stayed in the marriage. I dont understand it at all. Best luck to you.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
20 May 07
golfpro, I'm sorry this is happening to you and I know how bad it suc** believe me. When my first marriage ended it was after 13 years and I know my husband was very upset, not devastated by any means but not happy but we were married way too young and I had a lot of reasons to want out. Now many years later he agrees that it was the best thing I could have done for both of us and the 3 kids we had together. But, like I've said, everyone is different and deals with things in a different way. I know your hurting but you never know how it's going to turn out in the end.
@bigcage (108)
• China
18 May 07
well HELLO!!!you can't say that ,it's not even to other guys!
maybe your ex-boyfriend is that kind ,but not all.
man will put all of himself into ,also,if he think he find his soulmate.
man will cry when watch love films, we're not animals,we have feelings too.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
well, hello to you! I can say what my experiences are and how they have made me feel and think. They may be wrong but these are my personal feelings, take them or leave them. I agree there are some men who will cry watching a movie and no that not all animals, they do have feelings but their problem is that they don't readily let women know that so how are we to know they are there?
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
19 May 07
this is just a discussion so there's no need to defend yourself. Nobody is saying you are right or you are wrong. There is no right or wrong here only discussion from experiences that different people have. There should never be the need for anyone participating in a discussion to feel the need to defend themselves or anything they think. We discuss, we respond and that's the end.
1 person likes this
@bigcage (108)
• China
19 May 07
well, i can just say it's different between man and woman in communication. my second girlfriend always feel what u feel ,but i know i'm not ,so she makes seriously talk with me, it scared me ,let me feel just want defend myself , i'll say that's not a good way to communication, things go bad, then she leave me . i feel sad ,but i can't do anything but let go. man ,at least me, don't know how to express himself always. this may mistake by his partner if going on, so i think the way i feel comfortable is try to do sth you two like , suck as watching a movie both yr favorite and so on, during ~~~ you chat with yr partner for what you want to know like how yr relationship or sth you don't feel well he did. i think relationship should be two people's work , the communication is the bond.
1 person likes this
@emilieespino (963)
• Philippines
18 May 07
I think women are usually more mature, unselfish, emotional, and level-headed than men when it comes to relationships. However there are men (not too many!) who have these qualities. It's almost always the woman who gets the broken heart, but then women are also emotionally stronger and better survivors.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
I'm not sure how much emotionally stronger or survivors women are. If that were the case we wouldn't take break ups so hard would we?
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
18 May 07
I wouldn't say that woman are the one's who more often then not put in the 100% , I believe it is the people you know or run into in life . If you were to talk to others , I am sure you would find that many men feel that they were hurt and betrayed as well .
It seems that woman are the one's who get hurt more because we are the one's who talk more about how we feel . We wear everything on our sleeve whereas most men don't talk about feelings and try to act like things are fine when they are not . Society teaches boys from a very early age that they are not supposed to cry , that some how this makes them weak , so when it comes to relationships , you don't hear them crying and worrying about what they are going to do the way , we often do as woman .
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
Yes, young boys were taught not to cry and it wasn't a "manly" thing to do but that was eons ago and men have become wiser realizing that it isn't that way any more.
@candiec2005 (828)
• United States
18 May 07
I agree with you upto a certain point. Yes, it has been proven that men cheat more than women. It is a fact indeed. However, it may seem like women get hurt more but that's not the reality. It just appears that way because women are more emotional. We don't hide our feelings. Men do. Men do not express their feelings the same way women do. That's why it may seem like we get hurt more, but the truth is that men get hurt just as much. They just don't show it becuase men have been taught to face problems like men. They express their hurt emotions in other ways, like in anger, indifference or by being promiscuous in order to forget.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
19 May 07
You would think that by now men would have come to realize that it's ok to show their emotions. I still say it's because they don't that there are so many relationship problems.
@dita13 (431)
• Indonesia
18 May 07
well.
I think that women's feeling is sensitive, most of them.
and men's usually get bored really fast.
they want various kinds of women to try.
but, in fact, not all of them are like that.
minority guys can be so loyal to a girl.
so I think it depends from the boy and the girl.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
This is a new idea here. Men get bored fast. I'm glad I didn't add that to my discussion or I would really have had some upset people!
@federickp (607)
• India
18 May 07
i completely disagree with you. No, you are wrong is u think i am saying that men also put 100% into a relationship. I am saying even women dont put 100% into a relationship! Yes i have a practical example saying that. I know one lady who has been married for many years, loves her husband, and also loves a man younger than her age! And now she has started hugging and kissing another young boy about 10 years younger than her!! Now what do you call this? i really dont know what men are in their relationship because it takes to be a women tojudge that and i am a man. So all you girls dont feel so proud that you give into 100%, its just a buzzzzz because women are more emotional nothing else than that..
Hope i dont create a fight here now! he he he!
@federickp (607)
• India
18 May 07
yes, i want to put this point this forward that it soley depends upon your personality and nothing else, if you are commited and you are loyal then even your partner is not that good you will never distract to another person. But if are not loyal then however loyal your partner may be, you will get attracted to another one. Now this applies to both boys and girls!!
isnt it?
what do u think ?
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
No fighting...not on my discussion! lol....this has been a discussion on what I think, feel and have experienced and nothing more.
I'm sure there are women who have done what your talking about and if they haven't they will some day. We never know. Everyone is different and have different morals and upbringing.
1 person likes this
@yamahagirl (415)
•
18 May 07
Good point and your right i agree a woman does put more in to a relationship and yes they get more hurt.
Men get over things so easy,there with some one else within a few days if that, cause they cant be on their own.
my mate broke up with her boyfriend just 3 weeks ago and her ex is already with another girl while she is upset his out there getting his end wet,and guess what she has a little girl too,thats bad dont you think?
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
19 May 07
Yes, it stinks...especially when there is a child involved. I'm not saying much more on this subject because I'm already making enemies but you bring up some good points.
@nmhschic2004 (1238)
• United States
18 May 07
Its because women put so much into the relationship to get it to work. And its like men just dont care. Some men aren't like that and they would be willing to share there feelings about it. But thats like a few in a million! Most men just want to show their feelings because then they wont feel "macho" anymore. I have seen one case where a guy was upset in a relationship that i was in. He was kind of unstable and when i ended it he was very depressed.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
19 May 07
I would have thought the word Macho has been over with for a long time. Men should have more sense by now than to have to have that macho, he man feeling especially with all we've learned in the past decade about relationships.
@YankeesGrl614 (11)
• United States
18 May 07
you may not realize it, but men are hurt just as much as women. the thing is, women express it more due to their hormonal estrogen levels.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
Yes, that darn hormonal thing...gets us into trouble every time doesn't it!
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
18 May 07
I think women are normally more emotional than men - or at least show their emotions more easily than most men...
I have known a few men that were very hurt in relationships but those are few and far between.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
My point exactly. There are very few men who are willing to show their emotions so how are women to know that they are experiencing any? They shouldn't blame us for feeling the way some of us do.
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
Yes, ego can be a bad thing when it comes to relationships breaking up. Women need to know how men feel, who knows if they let their feelings show the break up might never happen.
@KissThis (3003)
• United States
18 May 07
I truly think that each equally get their hearts broken. Its just that women are more likely to show it emotionally. Where a man isn't allowed to show his emotions because people will look down on him. I have seen it from both sides. Where the women has cheated on the man and where the man has cheatedon the women. The both hurt.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
Relationships are a hard thing to be part of. Both parties have to work hard to keep it going and sometimes one of them isn't really ready to do it. Emotions need to be talked about with each other so they both know what to expect of each other right?
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
18 May 07
I don't think that women get hurt any more then men do. You hear more about how hurt a women is but that doesn't mean that she is the only one who got hurt. Men aren't as open as women are about their feelings. No man likes to admit that his partner cheated on him, it makes him feel like a loser. Where if a women admits that her partner cheated on her she gets sympathy. Both parties ger their hearts broken. It always hurts when a relationship ends.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
I guess if this wasn't the way of the world music would be a lot different. What would song writers write about and performers sing their hearts out about? lol...
@kevsgirlalways (5883)
• Malaysia
18 May 07
maybe it's because women rely on their emotions more than guys. guys tend to hide and suppress their feelings, even when their heart is broken, buy women tend to let it out, so it seems like the men are not hurting too, when deep down they are. guess some guys really do show how they feel, some don't. whereas for girls, we are much more emotional than guys, we notice even the littlest things and we probably remember practically everything and expect the guys to be the same but sometimes it just doesn't work that way?
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
No, it doesn't work that way and probably never will. I find that sad because women will always feel this way until men decide that it is ok for them to show their feelings.
@Rohit20 (327)
• India
18 May 07
Women get hurt that's true ,but men are also made up of same flesh and bone,they too have feelings ,emotions,sentiments for others.They are strong enough to digest their feelings and adversities better.Not always men are cause for end to any relationship this situation is always conditional.Depends on circumastances,he stays out of home and gets back late from work,and his expectations differ and these surroundings make him stronger than women. Those women who work out from home are stronger internally than those who stay at home.Outburst of emotion in women is stronger,could be said,again this is conditional,because ,perhaps she is one who gives birth,has right to become mother,feel the pain and may be this is the other side of coin that make them much emotional.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
18 May 07
Expectations play a large role in relationships too and often are the causes of breakups. Couples should get their act together before getting to involved don't you think?
