The same decision.....once again
@BellasmamaTiff (2544)
United States
May 19, 2007 6:02pm CST
Well, anyone who has read any of my old discussions knows that my last relationship ended in January, because I decided to move and try to get my family back. I wanted to go back to my daughter's father, even though he was incarcerated, I wanted to move closer to him, and have regular visits and regular contact, raise our child together, and just see how it went. Well, that plan flew out the window, because I didn't have money to move, and couldn't find work in the area where he was at. Well, I entered another relationship, with someone that has been in my life in one form or another since age 12, this relationship is falling apart, already. I have nothing solid to hold onto right now. And, I miss my daughter's father. He is now in a minimum security work camp, finishing out his sentence. I do have the money now to pack up and go there, and was even checking into a home about 2 blocks from the work camp. I can get work there, and have already been to one interview in the area. My question is, do you think that I run to him just because my other relationships fall apart? I feel like I do love him and like I will NEVER love anyone the way I love him. I honestly want to be with him for the rest of my life, but then, why do I continue to enter into other relationships?? Am I doing this with him for the wrong reasons?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@bindishah (2062)
• India
20 May 07
You need to stop and think what it is you really want. First of all, you do not need to be in a relationship to feel complete. Maybe its time you spend some time on your own with your daughter, not get into any relationships and see how that works for you. First instill a little confidenc ein yourself that you can survive on your own and then decide whom you want to eb with. maybe you are just getting into these relationships coz you feel the need to depend on someone.
2 people like this
@sheryl_natividad (154)
• Philippines
20 May 07
entering in another relationship doesnt mean that you dnt love your daughter's father it's just your way to forget what you feel for him. we have the same situation but i dnt want to push myself for him. if you really love him go and fight for it. but did you ever ask your self. does he still love you? if ever you came back to him will he accept you?
@BellasmamaTiff (2544)
• United States
31 May 07
He does love me, he never turned his back on us as far as loving us and wanting better for us. He however, is human, and makes mistakes. I can forgive that. I am willing to fight as long as I have to for our family and for the happiness of our daughter and our family. Thanks so much for your response!
@mysiraylon (1102)
• United States
20 May 07
The fact that most of your other relationships aren't successful and that you admit you are still longing to see and be with your daughter's father, that simply implies that God has been redirecting you back to where you can start and grow your family. Let us consider now that your daughter's father is truely the "one" meant for you. Grab that opportunity when you were called to start working with the company you just had interview. Start anew and focus on your daughter and the release of her father so that these two "things" will work together motivate you and be better in the performance of your new job. Good luck and wishing you well.
1 person likes this
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
20 May 07
Only you can answer your question because only you know why you want to go back to your daughter's father. Whatever the reason, clearly this is the best choice as long as it is a safe realtionship for you and your daughter. Your lifelong connection with him through her entitles her for you to give that relationship another chance before you embark on others. The fact that all things point to you going back (that's the universe's answer for you), then do that and try again and see how that works for you and her. I wish you and your daughter a safe journey through life.
@favefive (178)
• United States
20 May 07
I think you should have a talk with the father of your child, if he still has love for you. Your love should be reciprocated. If you want to give him another chance, then go for it. I think in a perfect world, we love to live with and/or have a lasting relationship with the father of our child...I think you do this because you want to give your child stability and love. On the other hand, you are unsure since were trying other relationships. Is it because the father of your child is encarcerated and far from you? You needed someone's love and care...but if the true feelings you have is for the father of your child, then do not make yourself fall for another guy. You may end up getting hurt in the end. Right now, while the man you love is not yet free to be with you and your daughter, devote your time and energy in giving your daughter some stability. Take care of yourself and daughter first and when he is free, and he comes back to you...then you know it is meant to be :)
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8523)
• United States
31 May 07
i think that you need to take some time to get to know yourself. I've been through 3 marraiges and am on my 4th(forever, I believe). Unless your baby's father is ready and willing to be a father, I wouldn't continue trying with him. Your baby will decide when she's old enough if she wishes to have a relationship with him, as my oldest son did. I feel that a relationship with him is not healthy for you. You need to move on, but not until you get to know you and get to love you. Until you do this, any person will not help. I don't know if this will help or not, but just from my experience....
Your baby is beautiful, by the way. You are truly blessed.
@BellasmamaTiff (2544)
• United States
31 May 07
Thank you. He does however want very badly to step up and be a father to our child, as he should have almost 3 years ago. But, contrary to popular belief, people can change. And, they do everyday. I feel that he has changed himself for the better. For himself, for our daughter, and for me. Thank you so much for your response!
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
20 May 07
I don't think that you even love yourself at this point in time. You need to not be in any relationship for a while. You need to focus on yourself and your daughter. Look into yourself and find out what YOU really want.
It seems just from reading this post that you use this man as your fallback guy any time a relationship doesn't work out. He isn't going anywhere and you have a life long link to him in your daughter.
Ask yourself, if you truly loved this man and truly wanted to be with, would you be getting involved with other men at all? Most likely the answer would be no. I don't think that you really love your daughter's father. I think that you tell yourself that you love him and you look to running away anytime things don't go well in your current relationship.
Think about it, your post says that the relationship is starting to fall apart and rather than talk about trying to fix it, you have already started looking to move away and be near your daughter's father. How is a relationship supposed to survive if you make plans to run as soon as there are any problems? Put your plans to run away on hold and see if maybe you can repair your current relationship.
@BellasmamaTiff (2544)
• United States
21 May 07
The current relationship is falling apart for the simple fact that he WONT sit and talk out things with me. I DO love my child's father, and I don't run away as soon as I see failure in the future, I have TRIED to work on this, but, it takes two.
@vokey9472 (1486)
• United States
28 May 07
Well, my response was based strictily on what I got from the posting. I didn't know that the current guy wont talk to you about what is going on in your relationship. If that is the case, dump him. You don't need him or the stress it is causing you.
As for your daughter's father, if you really do love him, stop getting involved with other men and wait of his release. Move to be closer to him, start building a life for you, your daughter and this man. That way when he gets out, he can just walk into the family life you have built for the two of you.
1 person likes this
@Lifez2short (4962)
• United States
22 May 07
I'm thinking you just do not like to be alone. So you look for some kind of companionship in anyone. If you want to be with your daughters father then you should just be with him. Wait until he is ready to be released and be happy with him.
@BellasmamaTiff (2544)
• United States
22 May 07
Im thinking you may be right. I mean, I have time on my hands....time that I DONT want to spend alone. Thats why I get with other men, while he is gone. He's the one I want to be with. He's the one I truly love. I agree, the other men, they are time fillers. And, thats not fair. Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
@Lifez2short (4962)
• United States
22 May 07
Yep I hope you figure it out soon so you dont keep putting your self through this.
@GeorgiaPeachie (66)
• United States
20 May 07
I think you see him as comfortable. You know his faults and he knows yours. Honestly, you will always have a love for him that will never go away because he is the father of your child. You have to think back, why didn't it work out? Was there addiction, abuse or cheating? As Dr. Phill says those are dealbreakers for me. Your strong, mama but you can't fix him. He has to want the relationship too and not just think that you are a plan B ya know?
