I am a mother and grandmother of a 3yr old, daughter has lots of issues

I am a mother myself and I am sorry but I think your daughter is a spoiled brat.. She should be mature enough not to consider her son as a competition in your attention... Also, you may not be in a no win situation. You and I both know how hard it is to be a mother and it becomes harder if you can not solicit help from family.. But really the best way to solve this is by talking to her.. Good Luck!!!

Hey I think your daughter needs to grow up. What she must do is to thank you for loving his son. I can't advise anything for you to do. But I'm sorry to hear your situation. Good luck.

There has been times that i fell like my mother was trying to tell me ho wto rais emy kids. But I always tried to remember that my mother had the best intension. I never told my mother that I would not allow her to see the kids. It sounds to me like you are tring to be a good mother/grandmother. One day your daugter will realize that, as I did. The only think that I can think to tell you is not to offer any suggestions unless you are asked.

desiderata Of course, I have no idea of your daughter's and your dynamics. But I do know mothers-I have one and I also have a son, of whom I truly love and am proud. This situation with you and your daughter is not a recent circumstance. It has been going on for a long long time. You certainly don't have to do her bidding except make no suggestions. Obviously, she doesn't take kindly to your ideas, so there no need to continue trying to get her thinking your way because it just won't happen. My mother went through the same thing with me for many years. The chance to raise me ended at 18 years old. I no longer raise my son. He is 35 years old and really doesn't need my imput anymore. I actually stopped with the opining when he was 16 years old. Mom, finally, gave up when I was 56. Do you understand what I am trying to get across? At 35 you are showing no respect for your daughter's opinions because yours is better. But it's her life. The egg-shell walking will cease once you are able to see your daughter accomplishments without criticism and furthering opinions. I say this with firmness but not anger, so please don't miscontrue this. You wanted to know my opinion on this. It doesn't match what the others have been writing. They don't understand, obviously. I do.

I think that the previous post is right. I think she wants reassurance that she is a good mother. I would maybe instead of always spending time with the grandson, perhaps midway thru the visit you could stop playing with grandson and sit down with a cup of coffee or something with your daughter. Perhaps she wants some daughter-mom time that doesn't involve the baby. Just like you are venting now, she needs to as well, and perhaps she doesn't always want advice but rather reassurance that what she is doing will work as well, even if it's different than how you might advise!! If she is taking advantage of your time in any way...then tell her you don't have time to do things for her that day but perhaps another day, or perhaps she can borrow the car or whatever is needed that she can do this thing herself. (If she feels she doesn't have time for the errands, or transportation is a problems). Anyway, some suggestions to think about. If she's just being difficult and rebellious you can tell her to grow up and quit acting like a 3 year old with a new sibling. Might make her mad but in the long run a little bit of truth pudding goes a long way LOL!

That's interesting. I will be very much happy and I am happy right now that my parent and in-laws love my children much more than me and my spouse. I at times teases my parent that I need hug from them just like my children. We all laugh together. Tell her that you love her son and her as well. You love her son coz that your daughter son, right? Mmmh, I think she still a big kid. No worry, she will understand ultimately.

Oh my dear, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like your daughter has never grown up since she is jealous of the affection that you give to your grandson. It is very hard to give advise without knowing the whole picture. How often do you visit, or does she bring the child to your place? Is she a single mother? Maybe you should have a long talk with her and tell her you have enough love to give both of them. Have you thought about family counselling where both of you can express your thoughts. As far as making suggestions take it easy, do things her way. I am going to be a grandmother soon and looking forward to it, but I already know my daughter in law has her own ideas. She has them now. When I go to my son's place I rarely make suggestions and only give advice when asked. So far my daughter in-law and I get along really well because the boundaries are there and both of us try and not overstep them. You have to get the point across that you feel abused and your daughter must stop threatening you to cancel visiting. It is selfish. Every child should have the benefit of the love of a grandmother. Wishing you the very best.

It sounds to me that your daughter needs some reassurance on how good a mother she is. I am a single mum and I know that when people make comments about my girls and how I'm bringing them up I am immediately on the defensive because I liket o think I'm doing a good job. Perhaps you could try to find activities to do that she can join in with as well like puzzles, board games, trips the park etc, so you can step back and watch both of them having a good time together. The other thing is to try to talk to her about it. Let her know how you feel, sometimes being completely honest with someone is the best way to resolve a situation like this.

I think that your daughter need to grow up a bit. She should be wanting what is best for her son and obviously if she is jealous of you giving attention to her son, she feels that you are a good mother. Reinforce to her that you will always love her and her child as they are a part of you. Maybe when you are together, step back and just play with your grandson, but let her do all the mom things. Good luck to you.

This is something that is never going to change. Our adult kids are always going to feel like we are threatening and critical. Your daughter does seem to have some issues if she's jealous of her 3 year old son because you pay more attention to him than you do to her. It sounds like she needs to start growing up. You might mention to her that grandparents also have rights and unless there is something going on that you haven't mentioned she can't legally take away your visiting rights. A mother should never feel abused by her daughter and constantly be doing her bidding. There's something wrong with that picture. The next time you visit try focusing all of your attention on her and very little to your grandson, it will be hard, I know because I have 3 grandkids, but you have to give it a try. See what her reaction is to your change.