Marriage for Convenience
By maple_kisses
@maple_kisses (2156)
Philippines
May 22, 2007 9:05pm CST
I am a married Filipina, I guess you can see that on my profile. I don't deny that I've been in the net for a while after my separation and that it's pretty obvious that everyday I get to meet online friends and chat with them or get to know them.
Since I made it obvious to everybody that I am in a very complicated situation and that those who don't want to get entangled with that must keep themselves away from me, I was confident I'm rather "safe". Well, today, I just received a proposal. Actually, a Marriage Proposal. No, it was not done romantically, the guy didn't mention anything about love, nor did he presented an engagement ring. He made it sound like a business proposal really. He offered to take legal actions to annul my previous marriage and then take me to Boston with him to become his wife.
He says we can be together until I get my citizenship. He promised not to touch me, and would allow me to have a romantic relationship with someone else until I'm free from him. I think the guy is quite crazy, considering that he's offering me a marriage for my convenience and make it look like he's getting nothing out of it.
I turned him down. I'm not into such games. I'm not for sale, he's trying to buy me out. Though the proposition seems too good to be true, I still think he's got an agenda hidden from my view.
What do you think? I made the right decision right? Do you think the guy's crazy? He says this isn't about love and he refuses to discuss his reasons in doing this, all he wanted is just to help me (according to him). What would you have done if you were in my position? Your reply is highly appreciated.
5 people like this
18 responses
@JackBravo (970)
• United States
24 May 07
the funny thing about that is you keep saying that he says "it's an investment." well, an investment means you get back what you put into it plus more - i.e. profit. So if you're his investment, what is his profit?? If he won't tell you, then he's got something real bad up his sleeve. Like everybody else here, I want to say good job for making the right decision.
1 person likes this
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Bravo JacK! Nice observation! :) After reading all the replies here, I'm more certain that he's getting something and I wouldn't like it. He can get nasty with the way he'll get "it" too and that scares the hell out of me.. .Thanks for the reply :)
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
23 May 07
I think you did the right thing sweetie. I don't know if the guy is crazy, but he definitely will get something out of it. I know of people that accept money for marriage. Maybe he's lonely. Maybe his wife left him and he's looking for someone to cook & clean. Or maybe he's hoping you would fall in love with him or something. WHo knows. Sounds creepy if you ask me. You did the right thing !!!
1 person likes this
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
23 May 07
He's divorced alright, but he can cook and clean. I made it clear to him that I'm not the "helper" material though, hehehe! And still, he offered. Yup, he's creepy ... Thanks for the reply hun.... :)
1 person likes this
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
23 May 07
It is good that you turned him down because you don't know anything about him. There are some sneaky people out there. It is best that you never write in a public forum someone wanting to marry you to help you get your citizenship because it is illegal and a crime here in the US to marry someone for Convenience. Both people could get arrested if the authorities ever found out and you never know who monitors these sites. You must use caution for your safety. You made the right decision. Best of luck to you.
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
24 May 07
No there is nothing wrong posting this unless you actually marry someone and say that is's only for Convenience. Immigration prosecutes many people for this because many people do it only for a Green Card. If you ever do decide to do it never mention it in a public forum.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Hmmm, I posted it so that other Filipinas might be aware too and may be advised of what to do if they also receive such offers. This has been informative you know. Now, women will need to think a thousand times before leaping into such offer, I guess I'm not committing a crime by publishing such discussion in a public forum right? Or am I? Oh well, I'm just sharing some experiences and soliciting some pieces of advise and I'm glad I got them... Thanks for your reply :)
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
I've decided not to affix my signature in the negotiation.. LOL .... so I guess I'm safe huh?!
@liranlgo (5752)
• Israel
24 May 07
This is so strange, that he does not want you to know his reasons. I would never do this thing, because first of all i do not know who the guy is, why should i believe him when he says that he will not touch me.
Do you really want to take the risk and come over to the u.s. and marry him, and then discover that he has some crazy motive for doing that?
I think that you made the right decision. This is too strange, and there are too many questions that are not being answered by him. I would not have taken the risk.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
More than just strange, it's really crazy and I'll be crazier if I accept the offer... So many questions left unanswered... Thanks for the reply :)
@Karmalina (647)
• Australia
23 May 07
Your friend is probably a nice guy that wanted to help you in a far fetched sort of way, but you were right for turning him down. First of all western men have a distorted idea of Filipina women. You'd have that to deal with. He could think he could get you there and change your mind or something or even think he could make you do whatever he wanted or basically enslave you as said before. Not to mention I don't believe that arrangement would be technically legal. He could actually end up blackmailing you for coming over in that situation. Especially if he "logged" his proposal and you agreed. Good thing you said no.
@Karmalina (647)
• Australia
25 May 07
No nooo not all are like that, some just get a warped idea and think that you guys are more submissive/obedient and stuff because of all kinds of weird stigma. If you meet a nice westerner with a better way of handling things and good intentions go for it. What I was saying just sounds like it could be part of some evil plan =P
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Probably... hmmm... maybe 10% nice and 90% weird. A nice guy would have respected the sanctity of marriage and wouldn't make it sound like a business proposal. Also, he would have let me know his reasons and intentions for making such offer, I would have understood and call him nice before turning him down, hehehe!
All Western men have a distorted idea of a Filipina? Ouch! That hurts, but I guess you have your basis. So we just can't trust Western men huh?! Thanks for your reply hun... :)
@donsky14 (5947)
• Philippines
23 May 07
one thing, the guy IS too good to be true. Imagine, he'll let you in a romantic relation with another even if you two are married...and that he won't touch you?? hmmm...it sound so unrealistic.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
23 May 07
Sounds crazy to me.. :) I wouldn't mind if he told me he's gone nuts over my beauty and that he wants me or loves me so much, that would have explained everything, hehehe! But you see, he avoided such topic, he actually is a very proud person, he just can't afford to accept the fact that he can fall deep in the cyberspace, hehehe! Thanks for the reply....
1 person likes this
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
23 May 07
WOW!! A really really complicated situation!!
I guess you took the rgiht decision.
Practically if I were in that situation then my dicision would depend upon the person....like how much I know him,what is he going to get from this as nobody does anything without a reason...!!
What is he going to get from this?
Is it some kind of game to put me some where else .." " you know what I mean !!..You cannot trust guys that easily nowdays!!
I would have inspected him completely!!
Cause the bottom line is I "may" go with just to see what is he really upto .."life is full of suprises "
But you must know if you ready to take this suprise or not?? But I would never let my self get carried away!!
And agian my answer will be 90 percent "No" !!And I don't know about those 10 percent, it depends on what kind of situation I am really in!!
Its your life .
You have to make the decision!!
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
23 May 07
I have decided and I have him a "NO". But he kept his offer open, thinking that I might change my mind. Oh well, I don't like the way he treats marriage like a business endeavor, I'm not an investment, hehehe! Whatever his reasons are, I don't think I'll find out or even try to find out. Thanks for your reply...
1 person likes this
@Norstar (694)
• India
23 May 07
You did a right thing. After falling from the sky, one should not fall on a tree. You already have enough botherations/ problems on your hand at the moment and you should make sure no one adds to them.
I have a feeling that he is trying to show you the carrot. Once you are with him in Boston, you would be at his mercy.
If he likes you or loves you, that could be a reason enough to be so kind as he is offering himself to be.
Be careful in taking support and help from people you are not very familiar with.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Well-said, I liked the "carrot" thing, :) I'm not a bunny however, hehhee, so I don't think I'll have a problem dealing with the guys carrot. You're right, we must not take support from just anybody, especially from strangers. Thanks :)
@davaoguy (319)
• United States
23 May 07
What you did was the only rational thing to do. We, Filipinos have this tendency to gainfully grab any opportunity we will encounter just to go abroad, but doing marriage for convenience is quite too much. This is because your security will be at risk. Plus, you still don't know the guy. Marriage is a commitment for life and you have to think it over many times before jumping into it.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
My sentiments exactly. I know it was quite an opportunity but I'm not an opportunistic and I do know how to weigh things, I don't wanna end up in the losing end; you're right, the guy is a stranger. Thanks for the reply...
@stefan_diego (556)
• Canada
23 May 07
Good thinking. You can't be too careful nowadays. I don't actually believe a guy would get in so much trouble and not expect something in return or maybe it's just me. I hope you find that special someone soon.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Maybe it's not just you, you may count me in too. I don't really believe that he's trying to be philantrophic, I;m not much of a charity case, am I? hehehe! Thanks for the reply... and I too hope I will ... :)
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
23 May 07
I think you definately made a right decision as this is not only a business proposal but also might be a scary issue. Although he said he would not touch you after the marriage, is there any ganrantee or legal law protection? Why does he want to offer you such convenience? To help you for god's sake? There are too many questions for this offer. From my personal of view, you would be in danger if you married him.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Yes, those were my thoughts too, I would be in great danger really. The fact that he hides his reasons for making the proposal is scary enough... Thanks for your reply...
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
23 May 07
I'm glad you had the good sense to turn him down. No one should ever get married for any other reason than they want to spend the rest of their lives with that person and they forsake all others. Frankly, he lied to you anyway about you gaining citizenship through marriage. Here in the United States, that has been outlawed and you would still have to go through all the channels to become a citizen just like any other immigrant. He could have been arrested for doing that along with yourself and certainly you would be deported any way so you did the right thing. Only you and your present husband can end your marriage and if neither one of you is happy, then go ahead and take care of that so you are both free to find true love which is really the only reason for such a committment anyway.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Yes, he made it clear that it was a business proposal, not a marriage proposal. He thinks of me as an investment, I am not for sale! Thanks for that piece of information about citizenship, I shall have that tucked in my mind. Anyways, I value marriage you know, though I am separated from my husband, it doesn't mean I don't have high regards for marriage... Thanks for the reply... :)
@simple_butterfly (478)
• Philippines
23 May 07
Well..for me, he must have a hidden agenda which we don't know what is it. I will not agree to his proposal. We are filipina and we don't want playing around. I know we want a lasting marriage full of love, acceptance, caring and understanding husband. Just look around maybe you find a better guy than him. Good luck! :)
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
23 May 07
You are right in all counts, we women deserve all the love and care that we need... After a failed marriage, I know better, hehehe! Thanks for the reply
@c_sunilkumar (24)
• India
23 May 07
Hi maple,u did a right thing and u decide well ya, since u r confident that u r in safe position.. this time u have to think twice before taking any decision regarding marriage becoz this is second time for u, u may go for a date and spend some more time with him to get to know about him, if u feel that the person is suitable for u and u r full happy with him, then u get along with him and get married with him..
good luck and kisses..
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
24 May 07
Second time alright! I don't think I'm planning to have one again, hehehe! And I don't think I'll date the guy either, scary.... Thanks for the reply :)
@Lydia1901 (16351)
• United States
27 May 07
Well, I am so glad you didn't go with that no matter how good it sounded. I mean, you don't even know the guy personally, he might be a serial killer or something. You did the right thing and don't trust just everyone that you meet online. Alot of people get killed that way. So, watch your back.
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
23 May 07
I think you did the right thing for several reasons.
Unfortunately it is part of human nature that we often do not do things of a large magnitude without at least some reason and usually something that seems to be too good to be true is.
In this case he is organising legal matters, paying for you to go to where he is, allowing you to live with him and what he gets out of it is a wife that he won't touch and would allow you to be involved with others. That sounds like a completely unreal situation.
In this case since he isn't forthcoming with a reason, that would immediately start me thinking what reasons he might have.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
23 May 07
His "reason" is indeed odd and somewhat crazy and his motives are somewhat "scary" for he made it sound so mysterious. Oh well, I didn't plan of marrying for the second time for a negotiated married life anyways... Thanks for the reply.
@aprilsong (1884)
• China
23 May 07
I agree with pilbara.Yes,i think people do things with their reasons,the guy is too good to believable.In choosing a husband,we can't be too careful.Especially when it comes to online love.You have experienced a failure in marriage,it is right for you to consider twice before action.
@maple_kisses (2156)
• Philippines
23 May 07
Hi April (one month my junior, hehehe, my name is May btw), thanks for your reply. The guys offer was rather tempting but I rather be safe than sorry. You're right, I can't afford to commit the same mistake again, I don't want another failed marriage...
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