Shoot me now!! Summer vacation starts today.

Oh I feel for you with this, believe me I do. I think though you'll need to sit down and talk with her about it. At 14 she's old enough to understand at least the basics. You need to let her know why you don't want her spending time there when she'd be alone with him for such long periods since the grandmother wouldn't be there while she's working. She might not want to hear it or believe it, just to warn you especially if she idolizes him at all, but you need to stress to her that it happened and you are not about to put her into the same situation where it could happen to her. You are being a good parent in keeping her safe. If worse comes to worse tell her if she tries to go you'll call the cops and have her reported as a run away. I would suggest before having the talk with her you call your mother and make sure she knows you do not want your daughter spending the summer there with her. That there isn't room for debate on the subject.

I think you should tell your daughter the truth. It may be difficult now but in the long run you will be protecting your daughter. She will realise that there are real creeps out there and that she needs to be careful. If it's difficult to come out and say that he actually raped you,you could say that he made a pass at you or molested you or something, though I think it would be best if you just told her the truth. One way of easing into the topic is by watching a movie that deals with this subject together (I saw Volvo recently which dealt with this)or you could watch a tape of one of those talk shows like Oprah. It is time your daughter came to realise the kind of man your step father is, she's certainly old enough to deal with the truth and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Tell her the truth.

I hope she eases off about it for you so you don't have to go into details of why you don't want her to go. I'm ready for the summer vacation to start but ours doesn't start for another two weeks. I take care of teacher's children and when school is out for the summer then I am off. I don't really have any suggestions for you because I've never been in that same spot. But I hope everything turns out good for you and that she quits fighting with you about it.

Erilyn, wow this is a hard situation. I suppose, If I were in a similar situation, i wouldn't go into much detail, but I would tell her, WHen I was your age, something horrible happened to me, and one of your grandparents were involved, I don't want that same thing to happen to you, so I will not allow you to go there unsupervised. I would simply tell her, I will not budge on this issue, regardless of how many times you ask, because I simply cannot, FOr your safety, I cannot allow you to go see them w/out me being there. It's not that they are horrible people, but I do not want you to have to face the same thing I did. I hope you understand, but even if you do not, it does not matter, you will not be going. then if she continues to ask, tell her that if she brings it up again, she will be grounded from the interenent (or phone or whatever). Then try and help her find some fun things and plan some activities that you can do as a family during the summmer. A suggestion, have your kids write down fun, free (or inexpensive) things they'd like to do, have each of them write down a few ideas, you and the hubby do the same, throw them in a hat, each week pick a new one and do that on the weekend. It will help her be more excited about staying home, especially if she gets to do one of her ideas, and who knows, maybe it'll help build a stronger family too! Good luck to you and your family!

I must say this is a hard one but you do know that you can't let her go near him I know I was scared when my mother said that she was oing to let my sister live with her father as i know what kind of a monster he his I hate to see these discussion in my lot as it just makes my head ache can you handle letting her know what happened if so let her know if you can prevent her from going then thats good but if telling her is the way you see out then do so maybe you can tell her that he tried to rape you or he touched you if you don't want to be totally honest and if it will get her from wanting to go there I pray to god I never have a female child I have a son and worry with tthe increase guy population but would not be able to deal with my daughter going through anything I went through "_" I really don't have much trust for men I don't even think I would trust my bf with his own daughter

Tell her what happened to you. Maybe then she will have a better understanding of why you don't want her to go. Tell her you are just trying to protect her from what has happened to you in the past. As for you not know how to tell her- there is no easy way of telling your daughter you were raped it is horrible that that has happened. But she really does need to know the reason why you don't want her to go.

Look i know how hard this is to tell her. You need to tell her what happened to you. Set her down and tell her that you need her to listen to you. Not to talk but to just listen and hear what you have to say. Then tell her the reason why you don't want her to go to your mother's house for the summer is because of what happened to you at that age. Tell her all about it and don't skip any of the details. I know that it's going to hurt to tell her but trust me once it's out and all is said and done then you can tell her that she can think about it and let you know if she still wants to take that risk. Now the other thing is don't forget to let her ask any questions that she has to ask that will help you and her feel a little better about this. Let it still be her choice but make sure that you tell her this that way she don't see it as all of what you want. This will show her that you care about her side of it all as well. This is a very hard topic to discuss with anyone i know. I was molested when i was younger so i know how you are feeling. do what ever you can to have her see your point in the matter at had and how much it hurt you to have had this done at such a younge age. If you start crying don't stop talking and let her know how much it still hurts to this day the feelings and the anger and all of the rest of the emoutions that fallow.

I think you must dare to tell he the reason for your not letting her to go to your mothers place,but i feel the situation your facing is veryu tough and you have to be very carefull and ask or request her to spend her vacations in another exciting way wher you please help her,if you thing that it is not the right age to tell about your past you had. But i think it os beeter to let her know about your past. Anyways all the best.

oh my thats bad.First off, i'm sorry for what had happened when you were around her age.Thats something that should never happen to a 14 year old. If you're gonna tell her about what happened its gonna hurt her feeling very bad cuz she likes being your parent'.So i suggest that you give her an alternate excuse for her to not spend the summer there. But anyhow,do you think your step dad would still do something like that again now that he should be quite old enough?If yes,sending her there would definitely be a problem.

What a good news for you.I still have two weeks for vacation.The worse thing is that my vacation takes only one week since I have to start my summer practise this summer.I'll go to south of Turkey,Antalya for the vacation.I'll go to pubs at nights and beaches in mornings.I've missed the summer time.

I also had 14-year old twins, both girls,well...it starts the day right, in the middle, a bit of tantrums and at the end of the day, all I can say is forgive me for yelling and shouting all the time on this day. This is the stage where teens have their raging hormones, the stage of being aggresive, impulsive and most of the time, being disobedient. What their parents like, they dislike! What we're fond of, they're unfond of! It's the most disappointing stage where parents want to surrender being parents, but after all, because our children are very dear to us, we need to sacrifice and understand every bit of their attitude. More so, whatever experiences we might have with them, as far as i"m concerned, they, too, will pass that stage with our loving and tender cares.

I think at 14 she is really old enough to know what happened. I'd probably tell her the whole thing, you have no reason to protect your step-father after what he did. And, you'll probably have to tell her someday anyway, because if she has children you wouldn't want her to unknowingly let them stay there. Start by telling her that it is hard for you to talk about but she needs to know the reason that she can't go alone. This is only my opinion, and I've never been in this situation. I thought maybe the more opinions will help you make your decision on how to handle it.

I think for your daughters safety you need to set her down and just tell it like it is. Tell her what he did to you and that you don't want anything like that to happen to her because you love her too much to see her hurt. She is old enough to understand so just be straight forward.

Why do you want to shhot yourself when summer vacation is here.It is the only time when you can be your own boss, no school ansd no teacher, do whatever you feel like doing.Keep awake in the night and sleep throughout the day, no one can blame you.

I just came across your discussion but I have to leave in a few minutes, so I don't have time to read all the replies. I'm curious though, did you talk to her yet? I'm sure you had a lot of advice telling you that you just need to sit her down and be honest with her. I have a 14 year old daughter too. It is definitely a challenging age. We're at the point where we need to start giving them a little independance but we still want and need to protect them. Take care.

Having to deal with teen-age kids is like sailing through very rough seas...your situation is one such example. I am sorry for what happened to you. It has really affected your relationship with your daughter. I understand how you feel about the situation of not allowing her to spend the summer with your parents. But since your situation was different from her situation now, do you think it's "safe" to allow her just for a week to go down there in order to meet her halfway? When you allow her, talk to her, explain to her, give some "house rules", etc. I think your 14 year-old will already understand that what you're doing is just out of concern for her safety. Then, also talk to your parents and express your fears, concerns, worries so that they too can help you resolve the problem....