I need your opinions on this.....
By angel575
@angel575 (66)
United States
May 30, 2007 3:58pm CST
My friend(male)is a fistr time parent. He allows his baby's mother to keep their child for 5 days out of the week and him on weekends and this was not the arrangement they made with the courts it was the other way around. The problem I have with this is that the mom lives in a shelter and now since she doesn't get WIC, or foodstamps for her children (she has another child by another person) because there is no room to keep all the food. Now the youngest is very much underweight. It is not her fault because I blame the dad(my friend) he could let her stay with him until she gets on her feet and he wouldn't have to take his son to the doctor as often as he does right now by her living in a shelter. Don't you all think that he is wrong for allowing the mother of his child to live in a shelter with his child. I really think that he should at least put their differences aside for his childs health and to provide him a stable environment to live in. He always place the blame on her for living in a shelter but it is his child too and his responsibility. What do ya'll think?
11 people like this
16 responses
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
30 May 07
The child is in this condition and living with the mom at a shelter? And noone has said anything to the authorities yet? Anyhow they should stick to the court orders or there will be repurcussions that may have to be paid along the lines later. It is ordered by the court after all. If someone opened their mouth both parents could be in trouble for vioalting the courts orders. And even possibly lose the children. Just my opinion is all. I say go back to the way the courts had set up the custody of the children to avoid any future problems as well as the present problems.
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@angel575 (66)
• United States
31 May 07
I agree with what you are saying but the reason why they have it like this is because the mom is very immature and decided she was better off staying in a shelter rather than live with her parents until she got on her feet. He also told me that he had almost lost his job because when it was her time to get his son, she was un available and he had no other child care. That is why the original arrangement didn't work for him, I think he should have gotten full custody like he wanted but he felt sorry for her. I think that he should swallow his pride and let them move back in with him or at least his son.
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
31 May 07
Yeah I think he should think of his child and know that it would be better for her if he let te mother stay in the house with him. They could both get her all week and not have to fight over seeing her. And the baby would be more healthy. He should at least supply the lady with food for the baby when she goes.
@angel575 (66)
• United States
31 May 07
Se the problem with that was that she was receiving food stamps and WIC but it is not enough room in the fridge at the shelter for her to store the food and he has told me that she used to sell the foodstamps for money. I tried to give him my two cents on this issue but he is really hot headed and stubborn. He is proud to be a daddy but he is just being really passive and blaming her for what goes wrong with their son. He also think the he is impressing me but when he tells me stuff like this regarding a child I tend to not talk to him for a while.
@margieanneart (26423)
• United States
31 May 07
I agree with you. He is the father, and should grow up and accept the responsablity of another human. The mother is no better, living on the system and being so immoral. But, it isn't the children's fault. He needs to grow up, go to court, and take care of this in a loving mature manner.
@maildumpster (3815)
• United States
31 May 07
Your friend is wrong. He should take his child and the mother in. If he can't take them all in he should at least get his child. He is so wrong to blame her when she is struggling. No one lives in a shelter cause they want to. She is there cause she has no where else. If he cares for his child he would do everything possible for the child.
If the courts say she is only to have the child on the weekend why did they switch it?
@angel575 (66)
• United States
31 May 07
I think the reason why they switched was because she was not picking him up or arriving late and making up excuses. My friend drives the bus and he hworked on the weekends and she almost made him lose his job with the stunts she pulled to leave him with no one else to care for his son. His job is really strict about arriving on time and not missing your scheduled route because my husband does the same thing.
@SilentRose19 (1733)
• United States
30 May 07
I think that if she cannot have any way of taking care of these children other than a shelter, he should step in and help. If not help then at least take the child from the instable enviornment, its not safe. My question is why is the court arrangement different from what they are doing, they should be doing what the court says. I don't agree with the situation, sounds like your friend doesn't want the responsiblities of having a child there during the week. I think that he should be a man and step up to his responsibilities, or the child may suffer more.
@angel575 (66)
• United States
30 May 07
The type of job he has is driving the city bus an di know he has acces to child care. He was doing ok until he told me this just yeaserday and it really ticked me off. He did at one time have her live with him and they did not get along because she wanted to rekindle the relationship and he wanted to play the field. She gets child support each week and he talks so bad about her living in a shelter when he is supposed to have custody of him for the majority of the week. I just didn't have nothing more to say to him.
@vampoet (825)
• Singapore
31 May 07
I think he has a shared responsibility. I may be too young to comment on this but leaving them in the shelter is wrong, if anything else...morally. Yes, he should provide a stable environment for the kid but practically, it is difficult to put your differences aside...
@mrsjumppuppy03 (3301)
• United States
31 May 07
Sounds like your friend really doesn't want to be a Daddy. He needs to grow a set of you know whats, take the child from this woman if she can not provide for this little boy. If they have a court order, the court order should be abided by. Shame on your friend for not grabbing his son every chance he can to provide the balanced meal and stable enviroment that this boy need to grow up healthy, mentally, emotionally & physically. If he does not want his sons mother living with him, the least he should do is file for temporary full-time custody until she gets her life in order!
@Signal20 (2281)
• United States
31 May 07
Wow...if he's allowing that to go on, and not making an attempt to better his child's life, I really wonder if he should have any contact with the child. Sorry, I know he's your friend, but I couldn't imagine any parent that cares about their child letting them live like that. Any grandparents in the picture that could take the child in temporarily? That's sad....poor kid!
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
31 May 07
Responsibility should be shared by both! I prefer no interpretation of such relationship and their hard effrts, but one should consider the situation of the child
@hardworkingmom (1130)
• United States
31 May 07
I agree with grandpa. I feel like this that child did not ask to be here and now that it is he needs to step up and be a man and honor that court order place his child. He need to stop acting like a little girl trying to put the blame on the mom. In my opinion I feel like he's not really into the responsible of parenthood he still want to be free and not having to deal with the 24/7 parenting that comes from a good night of fun n pleasure.
@Yestheypayme2dothis (7874)
• United States
31 May 07
He should abide by the court agreement. Actually, I would think he would want his child living with him, especially under the circumstances.
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
31 May 07
Based on what you have described, I think he ouoght to put the child first. You say it is underweight and ill a lot of the time. If the man is willing to mind the child at the weekend, why can't he have them there during the week if she would be looking after the baby anyway? A stable environment woul dbe preferable to a shelter, and the mam can't be that bad and untrustworthy to have as a guest in his home or I wouldn't think she would hav been given custody and be allowed to remain at the sehlter.
@seashore124 (48)
• China
31 May 07
I think it is the twos responsibility.One can not built a child,but two can.Is that right.So the child is one part of them.The two should place their duties to the child.Yes,mother lived in a shelter before.But now she is a mom,she should do as her parants do to her child.Father is too.Do not blam to other.Just do what you should do.Right?
@windchild (26)
• United States
31 May 07
You sound really concerned.
There are a couple of things that you could do.
If you are able to take in the underweight child temporarily and help your friend understand that this is better for the child.
Or you could call a child welfare orginazion and not give your name, and get advice that way.
I hope everything works out for your friend
@GardenGerty (160466)
• United States
30 May 07
What a thought, that parents should put the well being of their children above their petty quarrels. You have a good solution, but they will not do it. I think, like the others have posted, the parents had better be honoring the court orders, if they both want to have anything to do with the child. Your friend would be wise to listen to your ideas. It would really benefit the children involved in this case.I hope that you can have a good influence here.
@coolmailraj (2460)
• India
30 May 07
You are right. For child at least they should put their differences aside, why should a innocent infant suffer because of their misunderstandings. I whish your friend minds my advice and brings the mother and the child to his house.
