Guess What, You Don't Know Everything!

Boy can I identify! I have Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Arthritis, Sleep Apnea, Hypertension, Hypothyroid, etc. And I have the same symptoms as you. I look healthy, even when my symptoms are really bad. [They come and go, like you I can't predict how I'm going to feel.] Most people deal it it well now. But that is because I am not 65 and retired. When I was 59 I had to retire because of my health, but they would not approve disability. And I struggled with people's expectations long before that, trying to do what was expected an not being able to. Now that I'm "officially old" it is easier for them to accept that I might be disabled. Go figure. Most 65 year old people are not disabled! But . . . whatever. I think my worse critic is me. I easily fall into thinking I might really be lazy, that I "should" be doing more than I am. I get VERY frustrated with myself for not being able to do the things I used to be able to do. I have a handicap tag in my car so I can use handicap parking and I use an electric cart in the grocery store. But people see me walk to and from the car and wonder what I'm doing with disability tag and electric cart? A friend told me once that people often have disabilities that aren't visible and that we shouldn't judge people's ability just by what we see. She has epilepsy and isn't allowed to drive. Her job has to supply her with a driver if she has to go somewhere for her job. So, she knows about invisible disabilities. Glad you are speaking up for those of us who may look fine but aren't. Thanks.

Hope you just keep getting better. I know what you mean though as sometimes there are comments made about people who park in handicapped stalls. They don't understand that just because they don't SEE a disablity doesn't mean that person isn't disabled! Anyway....sounds like you are making progress! Good Luck!

I commend you for serving our country. I also commend you for doing the best you can. I think thats what God asks of us, to do the best we can with what we have....

Para, I have to wonder what brought this on. I know what you're saying. My father in law is a Vietnam Vet, and is missing part of a lung and still has shrapnel in his shoulders and sides. He has led a pretty normal life despite of it all, but it still amazes me that people get upset at him when he can't help them move. People that view this as laziness are just ignorant, especially if they know your story.

Thank you for posting on this subject. I expect quite a few of us on MyLot generally fit that description of yourself. I was injured in an auto accident 10 years ago, lots of pain, loss of stability when walking or standing. Frequent times of intensified pain. Some times it is barely possible to move around in my own home. But I have always believed in looking for the positive aspects of just about everything. When people ask how I am, instead of giving them the list of what hurts or doesn't work right today, I tell them I feel fine, then I go on to talk about something else, like a project I am enjoying sewing or whatever. I am very blessed to have a husband who DOES understand. He enjoys my good days with me, and does what I can't the other times. I hope you have someone like that in your life.

I totally agree with you, I also have had serious medical conditions and have faced the same condemanation, heck when I was in ICU I had my mother in law come in and scream at me for being in the hospital to long, wow its true if only people could walk in your shoes for a day, tunes would change fast.

ParaTed2k thank you for posting this. I do know exactly how you feel with it. There are days when I feel like I can do anything, although I usually pay for it later, but there are so many days where I cannot do much. I feel totally useless to everyone. So many people see me and figure I must be lazy or something because I don't have a visible disability. I have a lot wrong with my back and hips along with being bipolar. It all adds up to the fact that there are some things I cannot do anymore no matter if I want to or not. It's very frustrating to me and having others add to it does not help.

I'm with you on this one- and thank you for starting this discussion. My father is not a Veteran- He went to join the army back during Vietnam- but due to his hearing- He is almost deaf in both ears- he wasn't able to go- My dad has worked hard all his life to support his family- My dad is now on disability- partly due to his hearing- but also his back- he has had 3 back surgeries, and his shoulder- her was involoved in an accident and most days cannot lift his arm past his shoulder- There are great days when he can do more- and when he pushes himself- and pays for it- I have heard comments from my moms family- He should be working- he can do this and that- and blah blah blah- It infuriates me- So I say Bravo to you- for helping people see this!

I know the feeling. I also am a Disabled Vet, although my disability has nothing to do with my military service. I have degenerative disc disease, which is a form of arthritis that causes the discs to narrow and allows the vertebra to grate and rub together. It isn't a lot of fun. I am doing good to get out just for medical appointments and maybe to sign some papers every one in a while. Otherwise I am housebound, and no longer can drive. For me to go through any stores would require using a wheelchair, and I just can't bring myself to do that yet. I became disabled at 47, and all of my work experience prior to that was labor intensive or required a lot of standing. Until my disability was granted last year, I had to listen to the whole "too lazy to work" line from everyone I knew including some doctors. I had 30 years of work history prior to this, but that didn't count for much...in fact it was a hindrance. Back pain is very hard to prove, even though this condition is said to be the most common cause of disability awards in the US. When I was finally granted the disability, it was because of my age more than anything else, because I was considered "untrainable". All I know is that I have to do everything at my own pace, and there is no job that I can do that would be satisfactory to an employer. This did not happen overnight...it had been developing for many years, and the back pain that I was having all this time was just a warning of what was to come. I just didn't realize it until after it had happened, notr that it could have been prevented anyway. The worst part was that my first set of x-rays didn't show much of a problem, and it was misdiagnosed in the beginning. The specialist wanted to do exploratory surgery which I refused to permit. There was just something about the 60% chance that it would help that worried me. That meant that there was a 40% chance that he would screw it up. As it turned out, I made the right decision. There is no cure or treatment for this, and the surgery would only have made things worse. A year later, another set of X-rays were done, and my spine is barely visible due to all of the white that is caused by this condition. As soon as he saw that, the doctor declared me 100% disabled. On the rare occasions that someone suggests that I might be lazy, they are quickly set straight. It took me a year to come to grips with not being able to work, and there were also legal issues involved due to falling behind on child support because there was no income. I would much rather have been working than to have to sit at home all day, but that is not going to happen. I do what I can at home, but it isn't much. As far as what people believe, I just don't worry about it. I can be a lot harder on myself than anyone else can anyway. So don't worry bout what people think, they would be singing a different tune if they could taste the cause of our so called laziness.

You are right , others are too quick to pass judgement when they don't have all the facts . I went through this a couple of months ago when I gave up my job because it was stressing my children out and others considered me lazy for agreeing to quit my job and stay home with my children even though I have done this most of my life . I am a stay at home mom because I have five children and they need me and the reason I had my children is because I love them more then anything else in life . I didn't have my children so others would have to watch them while I worked and didn't have them so others would be left to raise them and my children's needs are more important to me then my own needs . One day they will be gone and I want to be able to say that I was always there for them when they needed me and that I never pawned them off on anyone else .

Hi there Para. i totally agree to what you say. its the same here. its really annoyng being acused of lazyness or not willing to work. i used to be very busy and love the stress of lots of work.but now i am in a wheelchair, can rarely breathe, but still i try to volunteer with charities, and help people. its easy to judge someone not knowing the facts. thank you for posting this. it describes what im always thinking

People sometimes have problems that we can't see, too often people look normal on the outside, but we have no way of knowing what is really going on. I think it's great that you do what you can despite your limitations. If people want to judge you without knowing you, then that is their problem and not yours, just keep on doing what you are able to.

Those that matter understand, and the rest of the people? Well.. put a flat head or a philips in them and turn clockwise! :)

sterotyping is the pits i dont and dont like those who do my partner was in a car accident years ago and suffered brain injuries he has constant headaches and when they turn into bad migraines he cant function let alone sleep he has been told he will never work full time again and can only get a part time job that suits his needs a max of 3 hours a day where he can take his time and be under no pressue. lol tell me a job that fits that discription. People think hes just milking it and just lazy they are wromg i live with it every day.

Good morning ParaTed, Thank you for your service!!! And, for sharing a gentle reminder to not pre-judge our fellow human beings. I'm sorry that you are probably at the mercy of the VA for your care and treatment. Their 'treat the symptoms' approach to healing isn't always the best at either accurately diagnosing, or treating dis-ease. Never mind the long waits ... "hurry up and wait" never seems to end for the military mindset. I'm glad to hear that you are doing better now than over the last five years. Do you know to what you can attribute your improvement?

I am a congentially disabled person; I have Cerebral Palsy and people say the same sort of thing to me. Although I have less problems than you. All of my issues are muscular. I sleep on a schedule; although I'm a night owl, I'm not dizzy, and my memory is pretty great, although it was more great before I had a small stroke in 2005 which I totally and fully recovered from, accept for losing a few memory cells.

We are living nicely because there someone is handling us.What will happend next few a second nobody can not tell.No body guess witch thing we do not know.

I am not a disa..., no I would rather say Physically challenged individual. However, due to a combination of illnesses, I could not even stand up for a couple of years at least. That made me practically Physically Challenged. Presently i have gotten well enough to work as an Alternative Medicine Practitioner, so I know how it feels when I help my patients heal themselves. Look I don't care what your religion is or even if you believe in God. Pray as He is always on your side, you are not alone. I will add again later. Thanks. Gotta go

I agree with you. And salute you for being a vet. I've worked in doctors' offices for years so I've seen the people with the invisible disabilities. I feel for you all and hope you can continue to do things that make you happy.

Para, don't worry about these people, they have no idea how difficult it is for some. I am 2 and just had a quad by-pass and everyone thinks I shoould be jumping around, lol. There are days I just want to lay down and let the day pass me by, but if I do I hear why aren't you up, aren't you going to get up! I recently went back to work and by the end of the day I just want to be left alone! Do what you can my friend, as long as you are happy don't worry about anyone else!