Miscarriage: Coping with Pregnancy Loss

Whoever said that does not value life. That's sad indeed. Whenever someone loses a baby it is a life and one to be grieved over. That's only natural. Just my thoughts.

and it is proven that a baby starts sucking its thumb at 14 weeks! i had a miscarriage in between my two girls and i will be honest with ya, its much harder on you (of course emotionally) but physically as well... and yes, it is a loss...

Yes to me I "lost" my babies (I've had more than one miscarriage)...but some ppl feel its easier to cope by using the word fetus instead...it doesnt make them any less of a person, mother etc..it doesnt make them heartless or uncompassionate...it just means they are human and deal differently to you...I dont see how that could be confusing really...

Yes, to me, my miscarriage was a baby...a life that never got the chance to know that it was loved....my miscarriage happened at approximately 10 weeks of gestation....I mourn the day of that loss....I often wonder what this child would have been like...I miscarried between my only daughter and my eldest son...so I wonder whether this child would have been a boy or a girl??? It is a sadness that never leaves a part of my heart.....

I miscarried last year right before I got pregnant with my 4th cute boy. It turned out I had a blighted ovum and the doctor basically said I had no baby. Well I'll have to go ahead and disagree with that. My miscarriage was a baby to me, reguardless of what anyone else had to say. I was really miserable about it. I cried and cried.

My wife and I went through two miscarriages. To me, the first one was the hardest. Like you, the first was an ectopic, but the doctor said the baby never developed and would not have survived in the best of circumstances. The event affected her much more then me, and I took it as not being a baby. For me, it was more of a coping mechanism then not being caring. The second miscarriage was just under two months. Five months earlier, we had a baby boy, but her recovery was really slow. Her various blood levels wouldn't come down...Again, I've tried not to think much about it and my "assumed" strength helped her recover quicker. Both hurt deeply, but trying to keep strong and keep the whole family running, was hard enough for her and myself. I don't think I've ever really discussed the miscarriages before but I know she doesn't talk about them at all...at least to me.

I lost my baby at about six to eight weeks. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I just thought stress was messing with my cycle until one day when I started bleeding very badly. It was on January 31st 2002. I will never forget that day. I often think about how things would be if my child was here with me. Yes, I still consider that losing a baby. The stupid doctor showed me. I saw it. It was very tiny but it had what appeared to be arms and legs. I lost a baby. I am also sorry for your loss.

Technically, it WASNT a baby. Baby is a term of endearment, not a developmental stage, not a title of growth. I call my husband baby .. it doesn't mean he is one. However, that doesn't change how a woman FEELS about her pregnancy. If the woman is planning on having that child, and is looking forward to it, it's a baby in her mind .. totally and completely. We start assigning roles to them long before they're born .. names, what they'll look like, how they'll be .. you've been there. You know. I've miscarried three times. Twice before I ever managed to carry to term, which was heartbreaking in itself, because I wanted it. I had plans for it, and me .. and the miscarriages took something away from me that I intended lives for. To me, it was a baby ... because that's how I saw it in my mind, because that's what I planned to deliver and hold and care for. In all actuality, it was a fetus .... but it was my baby nonetheless. After my 3rd child, I miscarried once again. I suffer from hypertension, which causes me some issues when pregnancy arises. I gestated to 2 monthes before I lost it. I think by this time I was more numbed to it, but my husband took it very badly. Much worse than I did. My guess would be that the person you speak of simply didn't have an emotional attachment to it yet. It's not cruel, or wrong ... everyone has different ways of dealing with their losses. Some shut themselves off, it makes it easier on them.

I had two miscarriages last year, both happened at 8 weeks. Although I went through a brief period of sadness, I don't think it was in any way comparable to losing a child. I hadn't yet felt movement. I hadn't picked out names or prepared my home for a new child. I wasn't yet bonded or connected, although I was beginning to be. From a purely clinical & physical point of view, it seemed like a heavy period. I'll spare you the TMI details, but there wasn't any thing in what passed that seemed at all like a baby to me. At about the same time I had one of the miscarriages very good friends of mine lost a child shortly after birth. They lost a child. They birthed a daughter, they named her, they had goals & dreams & a future planned for their daughter. To say what I experienced was any thing like what they experienced would be an arrogant overstatement.

From the moment the egg and sperm meet I have a baby growing inside me; that is what I believe! I wasn't far along when I had a miscarrage. I grieve to this day! That was 25 years ago! Imagine that! It warms my heart to think of that baby and yet I grieve too!

The baby I lost was very real to me and my husband, and the pain is still very raw for the both of us, he may never get to be a dad, as my 2 much older kids are from my first marriage.