Alcoholic husband

You have to be strong for yourself and do the right thing for yourself and seek a lawyer to get the right advice. I don't like to see anybody unhappy and in such a dire situation because it drains a person's soul. You may find you have more rights than you realize.

If you don't love him anymore, you should know your answer. However, I know everyone's situation is different and it's not as easy as it seems. You need to actually get the divorce papers and give them to him. He will know you are serious and mean business. And get proof that you are the one paying for the house. My ex's mom was in a similar situation, only her husband (now ex) used to abuse her also. She was the same way, paying for everything and he drank. She has the house and he's a bum on the street. Try to have documented evidence that you should get the house and get the divorce papers done. Good luck!

Just because the place is legally his as well doesn't mean he will be able to fight for it. Been there done that with my hubby but for different reasons. A lawyer will review your case and 10-1 your hubby will be forced to turn the house over to you and have to move out just because of the fact in the way he's been treating you. Type in 'free legal services' in the search box and it will bring up a list of links for you to check out. There may be a lawyer willing to work with you in divorce for free, reduced rate, payments. I couldn't afford a lawyer either but another lawyer directed me to one who took payments. When we ended up reconciling, both our lawyers were happy and offered their congrats on trying to save 12yrs of marriage. Not sure bout hubby's but my lawyer told me forget the rest of the payments.

File for divorce anyway. Point out to the attorney that you've been paying all the bills for X number of years and that you should get the lion's share of the property. At lot of times a woman gets a better deal if she's doing all the work than a man might. Then, when its done, kick him out, legally you could then evict him, have the police come & haul him out, and change the locks.

I feel for you. This is a hard situation to be in. It's hard to know which way to turn. I would talk to a Lawyer first. You mentioned that you both own the home you live in. Perhaps you could put your home up for sale, and as much as you probably don't want to, you could agree on a fair amount of the sale of the house between you two. You should get more, as you have been footing all the bills. Then maybe you could put a down payment on a new place for you and your pets. If your husband doesn't want to sell the house. Ask him to buy out your half. Tell him you are done, and you want out. Tell him you can't do it anymore, and the relationship is going nowhere, and that you need to get on with your life. Tell him you want to have some happiness in your life. Because life is to short. Don't beg, plead or make deals with him. He is set in his ways, and he won't change, unless he really wants to, and there is nothing you can do to help him, because he won't help himself. You need to look out for you, and what will make you happy. Change is never easy, but sometimes we must do what we have to do, and look out for number one. If we don't look out for ourselves, nobody else will. I have been in many situations in my life, and I look out for me now. It took time for me to learn to be strong and deal with many things, and it made me a stronger person for it.

I wonder if you cant get legal help and that you still cant get a divorce. Im not sure how this will effect the house you are in though you may need to find out. I know someone that was in your position and actually spent a lot of time out of house and in the end the marriage did finally fall apart naturally but they hadnt been together as long as you and your husband. I hope you find the answer and get to live a nice life soon. good luck

he's not worthy to be called a husband. and i am sorry if you ended up having him in your life. can't you get an attorney to help you solve this mess you're in right now? atleast, you can seek for legal advice from them. for sure, they can do something about it... anne

I've gone through this post and the responses given by other friends.Before filing a law siut please do take into account whether u can prove that u paid for the house.I don't know what kind of conveyancing is in your country.Does the sale deed shows you as the sole vendee of the house or is the house in joint ownership of you both.If you r the sole owner you can easily kick him out.Afterall I will pray for you both

No I dont see anything good as long as this man is drinking. I do feel bad for you and as long as you let this continue he will continue to drink and not help you out. Im sorry I dont have any advice for you. You might want to speak to a lawyer sometimes they can help and give you some options. I really hope something changes for you. Hang in there.

Oh dear this rings a bell, my Sister was married to one for eight years and they got so indebted with the house, but in the end she made him leave, it was awful..they are friendly for the children's sake but what a waste of all those years and my sister is left with paying one fat mortgage that is why I live with her to help her with the kids and the expenses until I can get my hubby to live with me. No one can give you real advice as only your heart knows what to do..The only thing I can suggest is you try to earn your own money and when you have enough tucked away, you just leave..I left my first marriage with nothing, though for different abusive reasons and it was the best thing I did..materially I was dispossessed and desolate but now I am getting on my ownb two feet with my own self worth, there is nothing like it Brenda, sorry it took me time to reply to your post..you know you can email or pm me any time if you wanna friendly chat.. hugz ellie

Your tax;s will show in court who has been paying for everything. Can you go away on weekends to get him use to the idea of you not being there for him. Maybe that will wake him up. But if you really dont love him anymore you need to get a break from him before you hit him over the head with your cast iron skillet. Good luck with whatever you decide. You need a vacation

When you find out, let me know please. I have the same problem except for the fact that I do love him very much. About 90% of the time, he's the most sensitive, romantic, loving man I've ever met. Then you have the binges. When he gets depressed, worried about something, or just plain stressed out, he'll go on these drinking binges that last for days. He's verbally abusive during these binges and he even broke my hand once while we were fighting. I've tried to insist that we go to counseling...nothing. I've even packed my things and walked out the door, but when he comes off the bender, he swears he doesn't remember anything and that he loves me so much and he'll never do it again. He didn't even remember me coming back from the ER with a cast on my arm! I think to myself sometimes that the only way he'll realize what he's doing to me is if I leave him, but I really do care and worry about him. Part of my problem also is the fact that I recently had back surgery and I'm out of work, on lots of pain medication, and I can't work. That hinders me most of the time because if I left, where would I go? So, if you hear a response that you feel would help, let me know. I'm right here if you want to talk. Good luck to you.

Too awful to hear that. It's really hard coz you own property. Maybe just ignore him and make some savings of your own. How about divorce? If not...so be it. Let him drink, drink and drink and wait till he stops.

Well, my situation is different from yours. I will be married 2 years on the 25th of this month. My husband is 7 years younger than I am and he gets on my nerves. He is not a lazy man. He goes to work everyday and he help pay the bills. My biggest complaint of him is his partying every weekend. He has childish ways and that really gets to me. I keep telling myself maybe he will slow down, but I have not seen a change yet. I keep telling him one day he is going to come home and I will be gone. There is nothing holding me here. Your situation sounds as if your marriage has turned into a marriage of convenience on your husband's part. I know that you do not want to leave your home and he knows that. That is why he is staying put. If you were to leave it sounds as if he wouldn't be able to maintain. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. You have probably worked too hard to give it all up. If you are truly miserable with this man, you have to get out just for peace of mind. Do you have someone you can stay with and continue to keep your home in good standing financially? If he is left there to pay all of the bills, maybe he will go ahead and leave. You could file for a divorce and the two of you would have to buy each other out. Obviously, he does not have the means to buy you out. It may get ugly, but filing for a divorce is probably going to be your only solution. And what is more important to you, your pets or your sanity. You can always get more pets. Sorry I didn't mean to go on and on, but hope this helps.

Brenda I know exactly what you are experiencing. The difference and ONLY difference is that you have done this for 33 years; for me and my boyfriend it's been 3.5 years. The rest of what you wrote is EXACTLY as I live. And I have had it! Have you gone to ALANON? You probably have. I know when nothing works. So if you and I or anyone else who is responding to this post can assist or we them...let's do it. It's demoralizing. My friends have told me that my eyes don't smile anymore. Yours must be very sad. I hope, for both of us, that we can win this horrific battle. Does he tell you he is going to kill himself? Mine does that just before I go to work. Makes for a great graveyard shift, huh? Hang in there girlie, we'll make it.

Well I can't imagine what you are going through but I think I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he has one of two choices - he either signs himself in for in-patient treatment or he moves out. Of course he is probably going to refuse to do either one. So in that case I would stop cleaning up his messes - don't do anything for him - no laundry, no cooking, nothing. I would feed myself away from home and the only food in the house would be for the pets. It might take a little money but after I had given him the ultimatum I would consult an attorney. There is no point in you wasting your life and giving up the home you have worked to pay for. Stand your ground - think of the number one in your life. YOU.