am i unfair?
By migenKC
@migenKC (792)
Philippines
June 13, 2007 1:50am CST
im having problem with my ex-boyfriend... we have been together for about 2 months only.. i broke up with him because i am not happy anymore... how could someone be happy if everyday of our life together is like a hall of hell where we always argue about someone.
actually that's what i told to him when infact that is just one of the two reasons i got... the other one is because i realized that i still love the man who had been always in my heart and in my mind...
the story is not that short... but that's the overview of it... we talked recently with my ex-boyfriend and he told me that im self-centered... i always express my self without knowing if i am already hurting somebody...
is my decission on leaving him to find the real happiness that every girl wishes to have is a sign of being self-centered?
7 people like this
31 responses
@archer1811 (1098)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
No migenKC, in your case that you are only a boyfriend girlfriend, you both still have the choice, depending on the situation, for you as you have said you always argue and not happy in him, you are just doing the good thing that you think will make your life happy, but dont ever wait for someone and waste your time waiting for him, searching for a happiness in your part as a single one is not being a self-centered person, you're just being honest on what you feel, at least you try to look for it than stay in his side feelin unlucky... if you dont love someone why should stay in him? being single has always the choice of the she wants to be with, at least you never stop in looking for your Mr. right guy.
2 people like this
@huilee (1005)
• Singapore
13 Jun 07
i guess he jus cant face facts...
afterall, its hurting for him and u cant expect him to say though u leave me, but u r still the nicest girl in my heart...
i mean guys have this ego too, right?
n they are more self centered then we do, dun u think so?
i guess pursuing ur own love isnt something very selfish...
but hurting someone unknowingly isnt tt good either...
since u have hurt one guy and noe who u love all the while...
then keep to the one...
n do not get involved in another relationship as u noe that it doesnt works...
coz u already have someone else in ur heart...
=)
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
14 Jun 07
you mentioned that you realized that you still love the man who had been always in your heart and mind? meaning, the man before this ex boyfriend you're talking about here, right?
well, you were a bit unfair in the beginning if so (no offense). one should not try to be in a relationship if you're still emotionally attached to another person. i mean, you don't want that to be done to you, right?
so, in the lighter side, atleast you set him free in the earliest time possible. and you talked to him about it. in due time, he will realize that you are right. you did not just give yourself freedom. but you always entitled him his own freedom.
... anne
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
14 Jun 07
you're welcome. maybe he called you a self centered person because he's still in pain. but in time, he'll be able to understand your point and respect your decision, too... anne
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
i admit it.. i have done a certain mistake..
thanks for making a good point... by the way.. i should not feel regret on breaking up with him... i was just hurt when he called me self centered when in fact i just dont want to be on a relationship that i couldnt be happy...
thank you for the understanding thinking...
1 person likes this
@bethel_101 (432)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
hi!
in my life i always believe that i should always go for the things that make me happy. why waste my time with something that doesn't interest me anymore right?
if you and your boo are arguing most of the time, i think it's useless to spend time with each other. you'll just end up hating each other....
for me you're not self-centered. you're just a strong woman who knows what she wants;)
1 person likes this
@steven318 (469)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
well... everyone have is own point and view...
cant be say that who is unfair..
suposingly all sit down and talk it nicely that is the way to overcome the problem...
just tell all the truth with the nice time and dont so easy angry too
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
Great Steven...
hehe.. it seems like some of the people here... especially boys are mad to me..huhu..
but its okay... i respect their opinions...
infact some of my close friends are confused... they are undecided when i ask them if am i really unfair... hehe...LOL
1 person likes this
@steven318 (469)
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
hahaha... you are welcome...
coz the way we overcome any problem just discuss not avoid...
even how worse the case also can settle by discuss
@tangylot (73)
• Australia
13 Jun 07
you said "i still love the man who had been always in my heart and in my mind"
is this the current ex boyfriend youre talking about? or is it someone else you dated before this ex boyfriend?
if its someone else then you have been pretty selfish, because you dated your ex boyfriend as a 'rebound' so its not really fair on him so i dont blame him if hes accusing you of being self centered...
in a relationship its not just about that one person
its about two people...
so everyone should consider the other side of the story too
if youre really really sad then yes leave him
otherwise if possible, the two of you should learn how to COMPROMISE.
it should be one of the rules in a relationship
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
great... the man i was talking about that had been always in my heart and in on my mind is the man who had been my ex-boyfriend before the ex boyfriend i was talking about who told me im selfish.. hahai.. did you get it?
by the way, lets call my 1st ex boyfriend..."ricky" while the other one (the one who told me im selfishI..."darwin"
i broke up with ricky not because i dont love him anymore.. but because our relationship is going nowhere... a month after we broke up i decided to be with darwin since he ask me to give him a chance... until i found out that i cant be happy with darwin since our personality is so contraticting...
i am sure now... that the happiness i was looking for is on the person i trully love... will i be unfair if im going to leave darwin because i know i still love ricky?
or am i going to be unfair to my self if ill keep on holding with darwin even my heart knows ricky rules my world...
1 person likes this
@fellowlife (988)
• Nigeria
14 Jun 07
no i don't think so. I think the whole basis of having a relationship is too discover yourself and to be happy at what you are into.
I wouldn't go ahead with a relationship that freaks me out cause i believe in life when you are happy there's no limit to what you can achieve.
i believe you acted in good faith but leaving when you ain't happy about it but did you try and talk things out with your ex before knowing it won't work out?
@emilieespino (963)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
Self-centered or not, you are who you are and it seems the two of you just don't meet eye to eye so you made a good decision by splitting up. You'll find someone else, don't worry.
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
Thanks...
by the way i dont need to look for someone else... coz i think i found the happiness i was looking for but i have just given it up... and that's the happiness my other ex-boyfriend (the ex before my ex who told me im self-centered) have given to me... i wanna be back to him..
@smoke_gun (1243)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
your situation is you want the "cloth",but the "cloth" belong to someone else,so you go get another "cloth" that you thought he can replace that in your mind,finally you got that you was wrong because they are different in style,size,color,fitting,than you just dropped it away and make decision to chasing your happiness "cloth".here the question,how do you confirm the one in your heart can brings you happiness for sure?how do you consider happiness,love or be love?how do you know the one in your heart is loving you too?do you still feeling happiness if you found that you give more than take from the one in your heart?
i rather choose the one who love me more than i love him,because i knew that i'll cherish someone love me for sure and belong with me all the times no matter im happy or sad,is much more better than chasing illusion in my mind.
@smoke_gun (1243)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
than,why you did belong with your ex?just go to main goal and this would not happen.dont care about he has girlfriend or not,girlfriend is not legitimate relationship in law,just do what you want,no regret in life!
ps-i was writting a bit long and speaking like old granny.lol
@argie713 (1809)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
I think you should not have made him your boyfriend. You said that you loved someone else. Don't go into a relationship if you are not sure that you will be happy. You must have known a person long enough for you to know if they are worth it. Don't rush things. You'll just end up hurting yourself or your partner.
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
my ex boyfriend the one who told me im self centered is one of my childhood friends.. i know him since i was kinder.... actually, i decided to have a relationship with him coz i want him to give the chance to show to me his love he always talks about... he offers me happiness and told me that would take care of me...
i believe love is not a feeling its a choice... why would you love someone if you think you cant be happy with him? after our 2 months relationship i broke up with him since i realized i can never be happy with someone who cant understand me.
1 person likes this
@butterfly39 (3904)
• Philippines
25 Jun 07
Being honest is not unfair i think.
Just make sure that next time you have another relationship you love the guy, but if you're not yet ready then there is no reason to get a relationship for now.
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
25 Jun 07
iam on a relationship now... i love him and he loves me so much.... our love for each other is already tested by time and pain... but we're getting stronger... hope you'll be glad for me...
happiness is on something where you can be your own self... on where you do not have to hide anything... and on where you can always choose where your heart wishes to be..
@dheng30 (88)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
Doing what you want and looking for you own happiness is not self-centeredness...
If your not happy then so be it...What does he want you to do if your not happy with him anymore...
He wants you to still stay with the relationship...
Heheheh...his lucky man...
You know what, i think you ex-boyfriend was the one being self-centered...
He wants to hold that person even that person wasn't happy with him anymore....
Just a piece of advise...dont listen to him...in whatever he says...
There's no point of talking to him anyway...
His a past...the problem was cleared to him anyway...wasn't?
@coolzzz (6)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
No youre not. Maybe youre not meant to be. In a relationship there are certain factors to know. First is that if she/he makes me happy, if she/he makes me feel to be secured, and lastly is that I do really love him/her? If all your answers are no, so its time to open you mind and explore more about yourself and your partner. Its not a short process but surely if you find comfort and peace to each other youre surely have the great relationship in life. In addition you must be a listener you know what I mean. Not just only talking makes you a better women but having the skills to listen will create a positive outlook.
@nitesh123 (417)
• India
13 Jun 07
i dont find you unfair, every body is somewhat selfish but only few can admit that, atleast you have that guts, its everybody's right to find his or her comfort zone, and i too live by the same principle that if its comfortable than stay and if it hurts that quit, whenever anything gets on to your nerves just try to get away from that. you are a very good person and i really appreciate and admire your feelings.
@vinney_143 (662)
• India
13 Jun 07
yeah.. very much.. girls are all selfish... they will look for only their happiness.... they are all not at all matured enough to the level of boys.. that's the problem!
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
23 Jul 08
Well I think you're not that self centered yourself. Finding where you truly belong is something that no one should dictate to you. I think it was right to end the relationship you have because if you life with him is not working well I think you deserve a better option. being in a relationship must have mutual respect for each other and not blaming and cursing each other. I think you are just being fair to yourself and to him as well because your being with him is just not working at all.
@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
At least you are just being honest with him, and it would not really hurt that much because you only lasted for two months. Why should you cling on to a relationship that is bound to fail in the first place because it seems you have nothing in common to talk about? You are just right with your decision...it may have hurt him, but that's only at the start. He may call you self-centered, but what you did was for yourself, too, right? You can't just pretend everything is ok, when it's not. So, move on...just as he should also move on with his life.
@steven318 (469)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 07
that is correct what you say there...
supossingly we should honest tell any problem we face there...
if tell the truth till get scold that is unfair with her bf...
if realy cant get the same thinking among them..
that is hard to overcome the problem...
@tamikotan (483)
• Philippines
25 Jun 07
There three side in every story. I do not want to judge and take sides. But if I were to look on your side, its not wrong to find whatever or wherever your happiness is. If it is not in your ex boyfriend's arms, then it is only right that you end the relationship. When you say that your relationship was a living hell before, how serious were your arguements? Your bf must have had issues that needs to be addressed. Were you communicating enough? The reason that may have pushed him to say that you are self centered probably because you did not consider his feeling first.
