Spending time with parents

Dear Buchi_balla The day before yesterday, my Mum and I went to visit her colleague, who had recently given birth. And somehow, it really taught me so much about parental love. Seeing my Mum’s colleague with her newborn baby and all brings back so many memories of the past... 25 years ago I was just a baby like that, it’s almost so hard to believe. Somehow there is nothing more magical than seeing a mother with her baby... and it makes you realise that all parents are like that, they just love you so much they would do anything for you. I don’t know why, but when we grow up we just never seem to think of it. We’re all so touched by it when we see it, but we never bother to think of a time when our parents treated us just like that, with all the care and concern in the world. Kind of strange, perhaps, why nature made us such that we would forget most of our memories of the time when we were babies, when our parents did so much for us. When my Mum’s colleague was telling us of the hard time when she had to get up at night and all that when her baby cried or whatever, it’s really so strange, coz mothers never complain one bit about it, they do it so willingly for their own child. Difficult pregnancies, caesarean sections, all that they suffer sometimes, yet they never blame their babies for it at all. I remember my Mum’s colleague was telling me that when my Mum gave birth to me her gynaecologist didn’t sew up her stitches properly and it hurt for days after that, and they had to be resewn up later on. Frankly I wonder how many pregnancies actually go smoothly and all that. You know, without a single hitch. Somehow our mothers never told us, they want us to believe that having us was a joy, something they’ll never regret, and I’m sure that’s the truest thing in the world. The child’s entire existence is a gift to the parents! But they never tell us of the pain they suffered, coz they don’t want us to know. Then after that they started having a little chat about normal parental stuff… you see, they’re all teachers, so they were talking about their students. The normal things you might hear everyday, but it had a profound impact on me. You know when children don’t listen to their parents and worry them out, when they don’t bother to study, even for major exams; it really hurts for the parents. Maybe a lot of those children just think of the scolding that they’ll get, and don’t think of how much it actually hurts their parents when they scold their kids for their own good. I don’t know. But I know there was this mother who was so worried that she actually approached her daughter’s maths teacher to ask if her daughter could receive private tuition from her. They do a lot of other things too, things we don’t know of, things we would never think of. Then there were some other parents who had applied for their children to be able to get into a good secondary school by the “back door”, basically they didn’t meet the cut but their parents applied and requested really much so they got let in. And you know what? It wasn’t the parents who had wanted their children to get in, it was that the children wanted it so much that the parents did it all, tried awfully hard, just for their sake, despite a very high rate of rejection. And guess what? Some of those students found the going too tough when they actually got in, decided they hadn’t actually made the best choice, and wanted to change school. Think of how their parents might feel. Perhaps they might think that it would be better for their children, now that they didn’t have so much pressure, but I think it would also hurt them after all the hard work of trying. Yet those students never once thought of all the hard work involved... I’m not criticising them. I’m not saying that they are ungrateful or anything. Maybe they just don’t realise it or whatever. Because I think if it were many of us instead, we might also never realise it. We might be worse, we blame it on*our parents* for getting us into that school, who knows? I might. That’s something that I’m really very afraid of, that I’ll let down my parents like that. Somehow this society has made us instinctively think this way, that everyone who has let their parents down is an ungrateful wretch or whatever. But they’re not. Only the thing is that their parents would be sad, would be hurt. I guess that’s something we all have to think about when we defend ourselves, when we say it isn’t our fault for something, if we are actually letting anyone down. Our parents who love us so much, especially. But that’s not the worse of it all. You know what actually hurts our parents the most? It’s when we push ourselves so hard to succeed, when we actually forget that life is more important than success, all that. Remember all the movies and shows where the bad son goes to jail and it breaks his parents’ heart? It doesn’t necessarily have to be that way. You don’t even need to do something wrong at all for it to hurt your parents. And I’ll tell you this true story, it happened to a girl in my school, and I sincerely hope it doesn’t ever happen to anyone else, coz I’m very sure nothing would hurt parents more than this. You see, she’s been the top student in school every year, and this year she’s taking her GCE O-Levels. Unfortunately, I don’t know why, sometime during June this year, I think, she just got into this weird mood where she hardly ate anything and started studying non-stop from 3 p.m. to 3 a.m. I’m serious, and I’m not exaggerating anything. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s utterly true. And guess what she says? “If I eat too much then I’ll get sleepy and I’ll be unable to study as much.” That’s exactly it. But the thing is that her definition of “too much” is what we would consider the least to be considered a proper meal. So in the end she hardly eats anything, and not only that, she’s been putting a lot of stress on herself. Not plain “a lot”, but*A LOT* in font size 300 maybe. (It’s not meant to be funny. It’s the truth.) When she didn’t do as well in one of her examinations as she thought she should (she got very very high in the end) just because she made a mistake that she thought she shouldn’t have, she started beating herself up. Beating, cutting herself... I don’t want to mention it. I know this because my Mum teaches in my school, and she’s form teacher of her class. Now she’s in hospital. They’re making her stay there so that she can eat regular meals, if not she refuses to eat. Recently they thought she was getting better, until she actually cut her own skin with the*plastic* tip of her liquid paper*on purpose*. Shocking, isn’t it? It’s enough to make you go to bed crying, thinking about all this that she’s doing, just because she’s afraid that she can’t go to the junior college of her choice. I’ll say that again. Just because she’s afraid that she can’t go to the junior college of her choice. Please, she’s been the top student every year, and considering that she’s in one of the best schools in Singapore, considered the premier girls’ school around, I don’t know who can go there if she can’t! It hurts. It hurts for me to hear of it. So think about how much it must hurt for her parents. To them, they feel so weak, so helpless, coz they want to do something about it so badly yet they can’t. They want to help her understand that life isn’t about how well she does in her exams. But I don’t know what can be done, nor do they. It’s been so long. Since June. 4 months already, 4 months of torment, of torture for her parents. It tears at my heartstrings to think of how they feel. Coz no one in the world should have to suffer such pain, such sorrow at all, when their daughter isn’t a criminal, when she did nothing that is considered morally wrong to people, yet is so shocking to think of. Yet I’m sure that one day when she gets better, I believe she will (at least I*want* to believe so), I don’t think her parents will ever blame her for all this pain and misery that they’re suffering now. I don’t think they’ll even*tell* her just how awful, how heartbreaking it was, how it felt like a knife in their hearts. I believe that they’ll hide it all from her, because they don’t want her to know just how awful the experience was, and make her feel all guilty about it. Coz they’ll want her to be happy, not to think about the past and weep over it. That’s how much all parents love their children. How much our own parents love us: with all their hearts, with love that breaks through all the separators in life, to let us know that we are loved, we are appreciated, simply for being who we are - their children. I want to help out so much. But I can’t. None of us can. We just have to pray and hope in silence. May the Force be with her parents. And with all the parents in the world.

I too agree with you that parents did much for us. And everybody have to agree with this. Whatever we are now is their greatness only. When I was with my family, I would always try to say my Mom , what I had done in my college that day. She know me very well. But I refused to say her one thing, thats about my Love. I know that she wouldn't agree for that and I hide it from her. Now when she came to know this issue, she asked me that why I had hidden this thing from her.. I was not able to give her the reply. Because I did the mistake by hiding the issue. Before they came to know this, When I am far from my home town, I always made to call them regularly after I reached home from my office. I miss them more.....

Yes u r right parents r more improtant for us.They done ever thing for us as possible or not they done.they bring all happiness for us.I can't live without my parents.

Dear friend.... You are correct, our parents have done too much for us. It cannot be calculated. We cannot gave it back also. But we can serve they. That is the great thing that we can give to them. Dear, you have grown up without the presence of mother. But don't worry friend. Because there are somany without mother and father too. But in your case you have a sweet father. Thank god.... I will pray for your parents dear...... God bless you.... Thank you...........

i agree, my parents done so much for me. theyre the ones who helped made me, me. i have learned to appreciate them. yes, i spent time with them at least once. andi tlak to them a lot. but im sorry about your mother though... my mom always told me that we should always show love to people, or youll regret it one day. i am sure you showed her that you loved her.

sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. i love spending time with them when they have no schedules in the day that we are supposed to bond. the reason why sometimes i dont like to spend time with them its because they have busy schedules and they sometimes crum with their schedules that affects us very much.

I don't get to see my parents as much as I would like to as they both live away from me . I do get to talk to my dad on the phone and we keep in touch often but my mom doesn't like for me to call as she says she talks on a phone all day at work that when she comes home the last thing she wants to do is talk on the phone . I usually end up communicating to her through my sister ( who lives with her ) .

Definitely I spend time with my parents. I even live with them. I am happy.. I still depend on them since I dont consider myself as a grown-up yet. I tend to not value them but in my heart, I love my parents. In any way I can, I'll make them happy with my efforts with my studies,etc..

my mom and I have a very good relationship. I just had my second daughter 1 week and 6 days ago and this week she took off of work to help me with my older daughter because she is a handful and since I had a c-section its a bit harder for me to take care of her. Other then that we talk on the phone at least once a day to check up on each other and she lives about 5 minutes away from me. My father is a different story. He wasn't around much when I was growing up. When he and my mom were together I don't really remember much about him being around and doing stuff with us. I do remember him beating my mom and once trying to kill her in our hallway. I think I was about 6 years old then. The only time I see him now is for holidays

Hi,Buchi_bulla! Yes,parents have done so much for us!They are the people who we must pay all love to them. As a student who leave them away for my study,I'm eager to spend much more time with them.Just having meals with them,I can feel happy and warm.

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your dear mother at such a young age. It is true that many of us spend more time with our friends even on the computer than with our parents ,we should feel ashamed. I have to pay a big sum of money for my telephone because I always chat on the phone with my friends ,but I seldom remember to call my parents,maybe they are always missing me and worry about me ,but I... Thank you ,you remind me of a very important things ,I will press my cellphone keys to call them and tell them that "I love you ". Thank you again!Wish you and your father live a happy life.

everyone of us when was a child we live and spend our time in our parents, and of course the primary role of our parents is to work for us to become a good and nice child. spending time with them makes them happy eventhough you already a teenager.

I say you can show her you love her even she's away by saying prayers for her. I'm sure she'll hear it in heaven. I'm the youngest in our family and I'm very close to my parents that's why I always give them a call every month now that I'm away from home. Because I know life is too short and we should start saying we love them in any way we can...

I try to spend at least every weekend with my parents. Since they have a new granddaughter they see her every day since I drop her off while I'm at work. But for me sitting with them and just hanging out still makes me feel like a kid again.

For me spending the time with my parents is not the best variant.I respect them, we live together, but because of some situations i try to avoid to spend more time with them- it`s just unhealthy, sorry.

I speak to my parents every day and I try to see them atleast once or twice a week. They are important to me and If i would not see them I would feel empty =) I am sure that i will keep seeing them like this forever =)

I credit my mom with my surviving to adulthood. Although I love my dad, he was not a good father much of the time and abused us emotionally. Due to this, I no longer have any contact with my parents. When my son was born, I tried to reestablish contact, but they did not respond. I know that my mom would like to contact me, but she is afraid of my father. It is really too bad. I understand my parents so much more now that I am a parent myself.

I have lost both of my parents also. I did visit, phone, and talk to them daily, almost. I miss them so much and I plead with anyone that still are blessed to have their parents with them to please stay in contact. They did so much for us and they loved us so much. Now, it is your turn to return that love and care as they are approaching older age. Enjoy your parents if you still have them. They are such a special part of your lives.

Yes friend without our parents we are nowhere.I would positively like to spend my time with them but its my bad luck that they are no more.

i love spending time wid my parents...infact rite now m out for sum work...n m missing my home n parents alot...i luv dem...n nthing can obviously repay watever dey hav done for me....yet i wud try my best never to disappoint dem by my work ever...