My family tries to make me feel guilty about having a child....

Hi Vokey, Sounds like a complicated situation. It's difficult to understand how your sister must feel wanting a child and not being able to have one, as of yet. However, that does not give her the right to state she is your sons mother, as you wrote in another response to a comment. I can not imagine your frustration and emotional pain caused by family members choosing do participate in such odd behavior. You have every right to make it clear you are your sons mother, period. Though, getting help from others is always a plus :)) I certainly am asked frequently by family and friends to help w/their children but I also don't go around pretending to be the parent of someone elses child. What exactly does your sister do with your son, that leaves you feeling she is playing mommy to him?

Let me get this straight. Your sister pretends your son is hers whenever she is around him, yet she won't accept your eggs to help her become pregnant? I can see why she wouldn't want to adopt, but if she has been acting as your son's mother what's the difference in helping her make her own baby with some of your eggs? (I am assuming that your son is a product of YOU and your HUSBAND, not your sister and her husband. Am I correct in this assumption?) And if I am correct in my assumption then your child is just that...YOURS. Your mom and sister should both respect that. In my opinion your sister should not play mom to your son. It would be downright creepy if my sister did that with my kids.

First and foremost you are this child’s mother. It is understandable why you sister may be a little jealous of you for what she can't have but that is not your fault. What I don't understand is your mother. What is with her? She should be very happy that you have this baby because it is her grandchild. For her to think you should share your child with your sister is absurd. A child needs to know who their parent is. No two people think alike and if the child finds they have two mommies they will become confused. Don't let that happen. This is your child. You can feel sorry for you sister but by no means are you obliged to let her play mommy with your child. Your mother and sister are being childish themselves and you must not let that cause a problem for your child. If your sister keeps trying to get pregnant and she is not the problem it will happen. But don't let them confuse your child in the process.

I am just curious but where is your sister's husband in all of this? how does your husband feel about letting your son spend time with your mother and sister? I personally have a concern about what kind of message is being sent to your son by your mom and sis. I'm not trying to be rude or hurtful so if that is how this comes out I am very sorry. My first thought is of your son and is there conflicted messages being sent to him? Good luck with all. I know that your son loves his grandma but maybe removing the problem (grandma and aunt) from the picture might be better for him.

These are all just my personal opinions - First of all - you have every right to be hurt and upset. that is your child, and unless you are abusing or neglecting him, NO ONE has any rights to tell you or even suggest to you that you should give up your child even for a few hours. Secondly - for your mother to be acting this way is incomprehensible and just flat out rude and disrespectful! She should know better! Your sister, well, I guess I feel bad for her not being able to have a child - but that does not give her the right to act as though your child is hers, nor to expect you to allow it. You have every right to let it be known to them that this is your child and Not theirs and if they don't like it they can just stay away until they've grown up and matured enough to understand it and be adult about it. If they don't appreciate your honesty, let them stay away - and you keep away from them. Your child is going to pick up on the stress you are feeling and not want to be around them or the situation - and he should not have to be around people like that in the first place. I don't care if they are relatives. My mother tries to take over and act like my kids are hers whenever we go to visit - I put my foot down and remind her they are My kids. So she gets mad and says it's her house - fine, I leave and go home. My kids have seen it happen often enough that they don't want to go over there anymore. And she refuses to visit in my home because she has no say here. My kids are old enough that they picked up on it after our 3rd visit. I only take my kids to visit once a year - just out of a feeling of obligation. they are her only grand kids. BUT - I haven't done it in over a year. My kids simply do not want to go. Because I feel they shouldn't have to go, we just don't. As for your sister's problem - if she cannot get pregnant, there are many, many children out there looking for loving, caring families. You don't have to give birth to a child to love it as your own. Maybe she would be willing to give her love to more than one child? Many children waiting to be adopted are siblings waiting for a family able to take them all together. If she has so much love to give to a child, adoption sounds like a wonderful option for her. Best wishes!

I know you may feel angry and feel like your sister wants to play mommy to your child. No, it is not your fault she has not been able to have a child. However, I do think you should try and be a little more understanding of what she must be going through. Has she been told by a doctor she can't have kids? Sometimes, it is the male and not the female who can't produce offspring. She may need to have a serious talk with the doctor and keep praying. I really think you should not tell your sister that she is not the "mommy". I am quite sure that must hurt her deeply. Just try putting yourself in her shoes. She may seem like she is jealous but it may just be stress and feeling inadequate. I have known people who could not conceive for years, my grandmother being one, and it's really hard for them. It's not easy to watch someone else with a child when you are having a hard time getting one. My grandmother and others have told me how hard it is to wait and wait for years. Anyway, just try to understand your sister's position. Please, let her play with your child too and advice her to go see the doctor if she hasn't. I hope this helps you see things a bit differently even though you may feel you are treated unfairly. God bless.

well, it's not fair to u, but this is the way ur family is, why don't u show u do care by maybe offering to carry their baby for them by invetro. maybe they feel u just don't care enough, even though it's not ur fault she can't have a child.

Look don't feel bad because my family treats me the same way and they were really upset when I had a set of twins. Just pray and don't let them upset you and I know I will pray for you because I finally at my age let my feeling show and let my family know I'm not taking anymore negative stuff because they are unhappy, thats why your sister can't have a baby she is too upset at you and not relaxed to conceive if she would just relax and let her anger go she will get pregnant I will also pray for her,God bless

I don't think you are. You are a mommy first and your HIS mommy first, not them. They need to consider the way they are outright disrespecting you and in front of your child. Maybe you should stop going to see them when they are together. Split your visits with you mother and sister and not see them at the same time. It could be both of them are feeding off each other and if they are alone, they will treat you a bit more decent. As for your sister, I would have to tell her she has your blessings to adopt, lord knows there are plenty of children waiting, but your son isn't on the market. Really they both are not them selves any favors treating you like that. How are they going to feel when your son gets a bit older and doesn't like them for treating his mommy so bad?

I've been in your sister's situation and having a relative have children (my younger sister was barely 18, dropped out of college, had just met the guy who worked for the traveling carnaval that came to town [I am serious!!] that quit his job to stay with her [so they knew each other less than five days] and he couldn't keep a job after that, also my nephew was an "accident" as she never got on birth control) when you can't is incredibly painful. I have to admit that I was upset when I first heard she was pregnant. I was hurt and angry. Not at her, exactly, but at the situation. I was married, had a job and a home, wanted a baby and treatments didn't work. Since then a lot has happened (including a divorce for me and a second husband) and we do have two boys now, but I know her pain. It's something that is hard to deal with. It's part of grieving for the child she hasn't been able to have. Does that mean you should step back and let her run your son just because she is in the same room as you are? No. He is YOUR son and she has no business taking him over. She and your mother need to respect that he is your son and not step on your toes. You need to put down some boundries. She can be his aunt, but she isn't his mother and she needs to come to grips with that. Does she see anyone about counseling? It was recommended to me when we were going thru therapy to help deal with the anger (It's not fair!) issues when the treatments weren't working for us. It sounds like garbage (seems everyone says see a therapist for any problem anymore, lol) but it seriously helps. She needs someone, outside of the situtation, to vent to and help her understand that it isn't your fault she isn't able to conceive. I hope your sister finally gets the baby she wants, but it sounds like she really needs to come to grips with her situation. They can't make you feel like you are walking on glass the rest of your life just because you had a baby and she didn't. What if no treatment ever works? What if she never has a child of her own? What if you have another child? It's only going to get worse if you don't set them down now and settle this. It won't be pleasant, I am sure, but it's going to get worse if things don't go in her favor, which isn't fair to you or your son. Good luck!

Since I would personally be just as happy to have someone to hand off a child on, at least for a few hours, I don't quite understand what the problem is... But no, I don't think you are out of line since he is your child & you can, mostly, do what you want. I know my ex-sister-in-law (who I don't much care for BTY) got screamed at by her brother & his wife because they felt they should've had the child & not her. Well, if his wife wasn't so underweight she might've been able to have a kid. They did finally adopt a baby, but there's no excuse to do that, especially in front of the child in question. At least my niece was a teenager when this happened (and thought her aunt & uncle were NUTZ!) I felt for my ex-SIL on that occasion.

What a family you have there..i can clearly see that there is favoritism..i can understand the sentiment of your sister but i cant understand their reactions to you for having a child..know what, its better you try to put a gap between you..you did the right thing of not giving her the thought that as if she is the mom...

If I am in your seats, I think I will just talk to them heartedly and for them to understand me. I will share my thoughts about this matter when ever the result is, if they are convinced of I've told to them fine continue to have more time to be with them, but inspite of all the discussion, explanation and about this matter and they don't really want to listen. I think I will have to decide for my self that I've done all the things that must do for them to undestand me and after that nothing matters maybe I will not see them anymore and I will be on my own. For them to realize if I'm important to them they will missed me and maybe someday they will see my point. This is hard for me but this the only way to show them that I'm a person with feelings and they must respect my dicision too regardless with my child.

After marrage for year I got one son.And when we go any party or marrage,always my family told all people see in ayear one child and I feel guilty about having a child.

that is really ridiculous... what your sister and your mum do to you is totally wrong... they have no right to treat you like that just because you can have a child and your sister can't... you are doing the right thing... the son is yours and you are his mum... so you can't let them have control over your son... i will try to avoid them as much as i can if i were in your position until they change their attitude towards me and get my message... otherwise, i won't even let them see my son anymore... i will just move on with my life... take care and God bless you...

Your son is your son They have no right to take the child away from you. You just say so. If they behave the same way, just leave them and you have your family. From their point of you. Why don't you help your sister to have your son as her. He is there. every body knows that he is your son. You are healthy and have more children.