I feel like giving up on my sister - or am I out of line?

Have you let her know that this hurts you? Some people are just really bad at keeping in touch and some people don't even realise that people care if they don't keep in touch. I don't know if she lives close enough for you to do this but if she does maybe you should just go over there sometime when you know that she will be home and he won't, or at least try for that, and ask her if she has been getting your messages. Maybe her husband is checking the machine and deleting the messages when he's done and forgetting or failing to pass on your message. I am very close with my sister as well and I feel really cab for you, but I think it would really suck if she doesn't realize that you are calling her and you stopped calling her and it turned out to be over a misunderstanding.

Your situation sounds similar to my brother and I. We're 2.5 years apart and we were always close until his now wife came along. Her and I don't get along and slowly I've lost my brother. He lives right next door to my parents but I never hear from him. I never get calls or emails. He barely even speaks to me when I am at my parents. Sure once in a while I'll go visit but like you... it gets hard when YOU'RE the only one making the effort. I've yet to figure out what to do about my brother... if you get any sound advice, I hope it might help me too.

no, i don't think that you are out of line... but please think very carefully first before you take that step... no matter what, she is your sister and it is not that easy just to say you want to break the relationship with her... please have an open discussion first with her and let her know your feelings... see how she will react and hopefully she will change her attitude towards you... good luck and God Bless you...

Hi, pilbara, your discussion really shows you love your sister so much, even her not talking to you hurts you that much. Nothing to worry. You can cut a tree but not relationship. I will advise you to keep quite for sometime. Time will heal all the misunderstanding. Myself and brother were not talking term for 15 years. Both of us knew that we love each other but certain misunderstanding created by others for their own benefit made us apart. After 15 years, both realised the fact. Again we are living happily. Therefore, nothing to worry, time will change everything.

I think what you are saying is reasonable. Your sister should be nice enough to at least call you once every couple of weeks on her own. I have a sister that is like your sister as well. I am normally the one who calls her to see how everything is going. I only call her twice a month. If she isn't home I leave a message telling her when I will call again. That way she doesn't really have an excuse as to why she wasn't home for my phone call. My sister doesn't like talking on telephones anymore then I do so I think that that is what the problem is with us.

yes , u have to

I would "take a vacation"from that part of family life for awhile.Sooner or later you'll get a call.

You are not out of line at all. i would feel that way, too, if i were in your situation. Sounds like your sister just doesn't get what it means to be a sister. Sadly, i think that when my brother finds his own house, this will be how it is for us, too. He is currently in school and stays in the dorms all week, only coming home on the weekends. He never calls me or anything durring the week. It kinda hurts my feelings. i spent 2 years in the hospital and never got to see him...and now that i am home, it's like i don't exist most of the time. Makes me wonder why i fought so hard to make it home.

My sister and I are 18 months apart in age. I am the oldest and I have always been protective and indulgent of her feelings. As adults, we've lived together, fought, raised our children together, fought, survived our mother's passing, etc. Things that sisters do. 3 years ago, I remarried and she and I have drifted apart. She hates my husband and he's not exactly fond of her. I don't get in the middle of their nasty remarks against each other and it really doesn't have anything to do with why she and I aren't in closer contact with each other. I think that it is because my marriage is so hard to keep together. I fight with my husband about various things and I don't want to worry my sister, I don't want her to know how unhappy I am nor do I need her constantly encouraging me to leave my husband. It would be so easy to just leave him and return to the familiar rhythm of sisterhood. I have to stay focused right now. I miss my sister but I realize that we leaned on each other a lot, we buffered each other from the rest of the world. Ironically, I have a brother who was my closest friend on earth until he married and virtually disappeared from my life. I never imagined that he and I would be so distant- friends used to call us "Donnie and Marie"! His financial situation and career took off on great highs, his wife is very ambitious (to put it nicely!) and we just didn't fit in with his lifestyle anymore. I still call him and leave little messages on his cellphone, sometimes he'll actually answer. I know that he loves me, it is just a matter of circumstance. Perhaps he takes our relationship for granted. I don't know. All I know is that he is my brother forever and I feel the same for my sister, no matter how many months between phone calls or years between visits. We may live seperate lives but we are who we are today because of the love and life we shared together for so many years. They both will always be a key part of my identity, I trust that they feel the same. I would not give up on my sister if I were you. Circumstances in life are not always navigated by the map of the heart. Don't judge her too harshly. She is your sister, always. She is your blood and your karma. It is emotionally painful but try to be the sister to her that you would want for yourself. Good luck.

Yes, pilbara, I understand all too well what you are going through. I am going through a similar situation with my sister. Our older sister passed away last year(we were very close), and I thought that my remaining sister and I could patch up our old differences since we are getting older. However, she continued to be standoffish. Then our mother passed away a few months later, and I tried again. Same results. Now in the past month I learned that she could die if she doesn't go on kidney dialysis. I call her, but she rarely calls me. She is dragging her feet on getting the treatment she needs, and it seems she is not willing to listen to reason. I feel like giving up. If she passes there will only be my brother and I left. I wish I knew what to tell you. Hopefully your sister will come to her senses and renew your wonderful relationship. Good luck.

There is the same difference between my sister and myself, me being the older. As with you we shared the same room until I got married at 18 years old. We weren't very close growing up and it got worse as we got older. She has been living in another state for years and we have come to the point where we haven't spoken in years. We never had any fights but did have disagreements where my mother is concerned. My sister married a man with a lot of money and I have been divorced and on my own for years. She travels extensively and I'm lucky to get out of town. She feels it's totally up to me to take care of my mother and won't even come to give a hand when my mother has been in the hospital or I could use her help. My mother finally told me to give up on her and I have and it's not bothering me at all. I think some people are just lost causes.

You are not out of line. I would feel the same thing with me and my sister if that happened to us. When I got married my sister and I sort of grew apart a little bit but now we try to have a tradition of going out to lunch every other week or at least once or twice a month. Try inviting your sister just to a sit down lunch with you and her and see if that helps. Good luck!

I have the same relationship with my mom right now, the only difference is that i'm the one who's been ignoring her. I don't want to disclose any further details as to why but let me put it this way. She did something before that i'm still mad at her about. I know it's so wrong to hold grudges on anyone, let alone your own mother. But this is how i feel, believe me when i say i've tried to get over it, but i can't. I don't know if your sister holds something against you, but it won't hurt to re-consider this possibility.

How bad situations go, she is still your beloved sister! Please gave her sometime to think and ponder. What I can say that she is not matured enough even got married. On your side, just keep cool and keep in touch may be once a month. There is a TIME when ONE DAY she will be looking for YOU ! In real life, the sun is not shining all day long. Late evening the sun has to set, and the moon takes its place. We hope that your family problem will be over soon !

I have two brothers that way my oldest brother hinks he is too good for the family and we really never had a brother and sister relationship since I was born my youngest brother and I talk once in a great while so I do understand some of what you are saying I pary for them everynight and their families and I thank God that they are part of my family and my prayers will be with you so that things might change between the two of you

i honestly don't think you are out of line. If my sister behaved like that, i would feel the same way. I think if I behaved like that (since I'm the one who's married) my elder sister would really confront me about it too. Usually people distance themselves from their loved ones when they have problems that they're afraid to share with their loved ones. Anyhow, i hope you and your sister manage to settle things up. I hope that you tell her exactly how you feel.. even if it is over the phone (once you get ahold of her, that is). I wish you all the best! :)

Your frustration is warranted...your idea to not be the only one to show effort is right. If you had a boyfriend that showed no effort you'd dump them. I think anyone in your life that causes you that much strife you need to back off...if they don't put any effort after that...don't feel guilty...it's not you. I have learned to live life for myself. My family chose to live a life that doesn't include me...and frankly I'm better off for it. I call them toxic relationships...and they are the ones you are better off without. It feels cold, and I am not a cold person...but I don't want anyone in my life that will cause me undo stress.