Is this really how being married is supposed to be?

It sounds to me like you are having communication issues. Maybe you should seek some relationship counselling. Maybe you should just get to it and start planning your wedding, maybe you have waited too long to get married and it is bothering your subconcious, planning a wedding might help remind you why you love each other and being back the spark. My husband bugs me when I am not in a good mood. I think that's just how men are.

I don't mean to diminish the importance of communication in a marriage, but that seems like a simple answer. Love is about putting the other person first. Love is about forgoing your own comfort for the comfort of someone else. True love is the basis for marriage. If this man is the one you truly want to spend the rest of your life with (and not just because you don't want to be with someone else - yes, there is a difference), then you need to get married. If, as you said, this relationship doesn't feel right, you should end it before you get married. Don't compound one mistake with another; not for the kids, not for your security or routine, neither one of you (or the kids for that matter) benefit from staying in a relationship that you both know is wrong. I hope and pray that this man is right for you and your family can stay together, but only you can really make that descision. Don't let some yahoo on Mylot (ie: me) tell you what to do with your life. God bless your deliberation and descision.

I agree, it sounds like perhaps you are having communication issues. A trip to a marriage/relationship counselor would probably help. If that's not affordable, perhaps some "couple time" away from the kids would help. It sounds like you and your significant other need time alone to reconnect and rekindle the flame that was once there. Good luck!

Now this is just my personal opinion, so take it how you will: I do not think that a marriage would work. I am saying this from personal experience. A couple of years before me and my ex got married we were like you stated. Not really in a relationship but just pretty much living together. I can't presume to know your significant other but he sounds an awful lot like my ex. We did get married and we were living in separate apartments 9 months into the marriage, and divorced one year and two weeks after we got married. Now I understand that everyone is not the same, but if he isn't will to seek counseling for the sake of the relationship then I wouldn't suggest torturing yourself any longer. I understand that you have children but the two of you not being "happy" with each other will eventually take its toll on the children. As far as I know, that is not how it is supposed to be. Another alternative might be, if you feel counseling is necessary, find one for yourself, maybe that will help you better deal with the situation. Good luck to you.

I have been with my husband 17 years and married 12. You are just so used to each other. We are like that. It just takes a lot of hard work. There are times when I want to throw him off a cliff and there are times when he will just up and surprise me with his attitude and such. You have just settled into a comfortable routine and the newness of the relationship is now gone and you are just sitting there with the realization that you are no longer able to impress each other so you both do your own thing. It doesn't mean that you both should split up, it just means that you need to work a little harder at your relationship. When I mean you I mean the both of you. Basically, you are both so comfortable with each other that you may start pushing buttons for the sake of pushing buttons.

I've been there! You need to work on it Now before it gets worse. First, you need to fix your communication - maybe for 30 minutes a day you could set aside time for just the two of you to discuss the important things, and go from there. You also need to communicate your goals and dreams and ideas ... what do you each want in this relationship? What are you each looking for in a relationship? Can you compromise and work together to reach those goals? Next, you need to be a couple again - what first attracted you to each other? How did you each dress and act towards each other when you were first dating? What made you smile? Start setting a date night at least once a month so the two of you can be a couple again. Dress up, set an actual date, and treat it like a real date. you are going out together like you did when you were first dating. Don't forget to focus on all parts of your relationship - communication, goals, friendship, love, parenting, finances. Every part of the life you share is open for discussion and needs to be attended to. This means if things in the bedroom have become dis-satisfying, you need to remember what you did when you first started having intimate relations and start doing them again. If any part of your life is causing problems with your intimate relations, fix those problems first. The intimacy will return when the stress has been removed. Another piece of great advice - make sure you go out once a month with your lady-friends, and that he go out once a month with the guys. We all need that release of just being "a man" or "a woman" with other men or women ... no responsibilities for just a few hours. You'd be surprised just how good it feels to relax and forget - and then come home again. It really lets you see that things weren't as bad as you thought. And don't make the mistake of comparing your relationship to your friends/family. What you see may just be their "public image". You don't know what really goes on behind closed doors. In public, I have relatives that seem the perfect couple. But I've seen them in their home, how they really act when no one's looking - not a relationship I want to be in! Arguments, insults, never ending frustration/anger at each other. It's amazing they've lasted as long as they have. My husband and I have respect for one another, and we give each other our space, yet we are always together. We hate to be apart. We take that time to have a date night a couple times a month, and we also go out with friends now and then as well - he'll go hang with friends after work; I'll head over to a friend's house and just visit. Trust is something else you need for a relationship to work. I compare marriage to a stew ... it takes many ingredients to make it come out just right, and it should never have more than 2 cooks adding those ingredients and stirring, and while the day you first cook it it is great, the second and third day it's even better. Marriage requires love, patience, understanding, trust, loyalty, commitment - that's a lot of ingredients. It requires the couple to both add those ingredients and blend them together - and if you are adding children, or pets, or even step children and ex spouses into the mix it can get interesting. Marriage gets better and better with each passing year, you learn more about each other, how to please each other, how to keep peace in the home and still compromise so you are both happy and satisfied. I say marriage - but this also applies to a couple who have lived together as man and wife but haven't actually married. Any relationship that is as a marriage, should be treated as such. These are my opinions and experiences - blessings to you!

Most relationships go through rocky spells. I think we do eventually get to a comfortable spot, and tend to forget how much work and effort it takes to keep a relationship growing. As we mature we change, so we're not really the same person that we were in the beginning. Plus, we're usually on our best behavior when a relationship is new. Then things happen that puts a strain on us, and that seems to put a strain on everything. I think that communication is one of the most important aspects in a healthy relationship. Without it we can't resolve our issues. I wish you the best of luck.

well the both of you really need to sit down and try and communicate a bit better. if this doesnt work then you will need counselling to help the communication problem between you both. lack of communication isnt a nice feeling, my partner and i had that a while ago, and we sat down and talked about on it how to fix the problem and i have found it did help

you have to understand that in every relationship, there its ups and downs and at this moment, you are on the "downs"...just adjust to the situation, talk with each other, bring back the love, try reminisce the past..thats how to bring back the love that is fading away..and dont be too dependent on him..not good for the relationship..try to take vacation without the kids, enjoy the company of each other,

Since you have been together for 5 years and 5 months, I guess you are already way past the honeymoon stage. Maybe you just need to rekindle the romance back into your lives. If you two are really to work on it, I'm pretty sure that everything will be okay. Sometimes people just forget how to be sweet simply because they have been together for ages. Try to do something special for him. Try to surprise him in some ways. Sometimes, it's good when you talk about how you first met, what you felt for each other during those times. It's nice to reminisce with your loved one the memories all these years.

It's hard to say how things are supposed to be, because I think that is different for everyone. It seems to me though, that you ought to be happy, whatever the situation is. This life just isn't fullfilling enough if you aren't happy.

Maybe you and your significant other have different expectation of what the other should do or not do. I do agree with the others that you might have communication problems with your partner. Try to go into counseling and get into the root of the problem. otherwise, think a hundred times and ask yourself, if this is the kind of relationship that you want?

it sounds like you are unhappy and just in a comfort zone. an no that is not what any relationship is supposed to be like. if you are staying together for the kids in he long run it is not going to be a very good situation for them.if you have questions and doubts now it's best to go ahead and get them out on the table so you and your fiance can see what's best for the both of you and your family

I was married for six years until I divorced about two years ago. I cannot speak for your situation, but for us, I think we were so wrapped up in our own little world, we never stopped to see how wonderful our life together really was. Falling into a dull routine is easy, and can blur your perception of the relationship and your expectations of yourselves and each other. You might just be expecting a wonderland, or you might just be bored with each other, which certainly happens. My advice; Do something different. Camping, skiing, gold prospecting, whatever. Find something that is way off your normal schedule and within your budget and do it. And try to have fun while you do it.

I see how many others on here are talking about communtication problems . I never really thought of it that way and although I have thought about my husband and I going for counseling , he would never agree but I do know exactly what you are talking about because that is exactly how I see my relationship with my husband . I do love him dearly , more then anything and don't want to leave but wonder if this is what it is going to be like for the rest of our lives . We have been together for almost 18 years now and things are no better then they were when we were together for five and a half years . Maybe we really do have communication problems with our other halves . Best of luck and I hope you find your answers . Take Care !!

sounds like you are in a rut...sometimes relationships get that way after a while. Communication is the key to getting out of a rut. Sitting down, calmly telling each other what each wants out of the relationship and deciding if it is worth it and something you want to work at. Sometimes things do get comfortable and we forget (especially with children involved) that it is a relationship and needs to be nutured. Relationships are probably THE hardest thing in the world. Beacuse it takes solid work on both sides....I suggest you two sit down together and figure it out and make an effort on both sides to make a change, and it should get better =) Just my opinion!

No that's not how it's suppose to be. I've been married 23 years and I think one of the most important things that a couple can do is to communicate with each other. When you both communicate, you then know what's going on with the other person. Something that we use to do alot when our kids were little, was to have a date night once a week. We hired a babysitter to watch the kids and we were able to out alone as a couple. Sometimes life gets crazy, especially when you have small children. Couples need to take time for each other and remember that they are still a couple.

You could try going to counseling and see if it can do anything to help out. Have you 2 actually thought about marriage? I don't think that's how marrriage is going to be, sounds like it's more about communication. That's a key part in a relationship in general. If there isn't any, then it's going to be a bumpy road. Hopefully that can help you out.