Do you ever try to "catch" your kids in a lie, or being sneaky?

I am not a parent . So i cant comment but As a kid, I always knew when I was caught. My parents always confronted me with the accusation. They never waited for me to make a mistake or anything. They would pounce as soon as they thought something was amissz

When I was a child there were very few telephones, but we had a very efficient means of "over the fence" dialogue between neighbours which would mean that any misdemeanour was known to your parents long before you were home. My Mother had a particularly hair raising technique "So what have you been up to today to make Mrs so and so complain about you?" Since Mrs so and so was somewhere in the chain of reporters over the fence there was no hint as to what you could have done. If you guessed wrong you got into trouble twice! I have not been lucky enough to be blessed with children but I would emulate my Mother and keep close tabs on my children, especially in today's bad world. There are children as young as eight who regularly stone windows in the area where I live but their parents have not a clue what they have been up to until the policeman calls. I think the closer you keep watch, the better prepared you are to step in and stop the child making serious mistakes.

I check up on the kids. I think one of the worse things a parent can do is completely trust their child, especially the teen years. I know alot of parents who say, "My child would never," They turn their heads and make themselves believe their kids are angels, and the kids take advantage of that.

I wouldn't say that I try to catch them in a lie but I always know when they do try and lie to me - its like a built in alarm! I hate being lied to and my kids know they will get into more trouble for trying to lie than they would if they admitted the truth. I love the way you put these questions and I do try to make sure that they feel they can be trusted although Mum does try to make sure that everything is safe and they are telling the truth - at the end of the day a parent has to ensure that their child is safe and well! xxx

I feel that it is part of my parental responsibility to occasionally check up on my children...like you, I have caught them a few times telling me less than the absolute truth.... I do not think that I am sending them a negative message...because if I did not care, then I would not bother to do so...LOL

well it does depend on how old your children are... if they are teenagers or adolescence, you should give them some space, even if they might be doing something wrong, let them know you know what they are doing, but leave them to it. it really does depend on what you mean by "doing something wrong" if you mean like..."private things" you really should leave them alone if it really concerns you, yes you should check them up once in a while

I have caught my kids in an lie once in a while. when it became very obvious that they are lying then I spent time checking up on them. I think the message sent to them if they are lying that makes them untrustworthy. Which is true. but I would not check up on them just to be checking up on them. I trust my kids until they violate that trust. When they lie to me they have brokin the trust and they should expect me to not trust them any more until they earn that trust back. No I don't feel guilty for checking up on them if They have lied in the past.

It's a sticky situation, if you don't then you are a "terrible parent" for allowing your kids to get away with murder. If you do then you’re a "over controlling parent" giving your kids a complex. So I pick my battles. I don't bother with my children if they embellish a story a bit or exaggerate. Some would say well that is the same as lying. I also give them a chance to come clean if they tell the truth the second time. To lie is a reaction almost a defense to kids. So I just ask "Are you sure that is what happened" then I make them think about it for a couple of minutes. Usually they fess up. However with events that another child’s feelings were hurt, I have to look into it. They just know that is too serious not to and I have to be sure my girls, as their mother, didn’t do it. It’s not a matter of me believing them or not, but making sure I have the proof for others. It’s the same in the court of law and they can consider me their defense attorney, LOL.

My mom was horribly good at "catching us lying" as kids. She used to just KNOW when we threw out food we didnt want in the garbage. Then she'd say God told her about it or something. I think she was guessing :p But honestly, unless they did something to loose your trust, dont be so jumpy. You wont gain their trust. Test them out lightly and know that in time they can be trusted again hopefully.

I learned that kids will do as much as they think they can get away with. I had no problem checking on things. Especially as teens. My older daughter was not the most truefull of children so I found that I had to stay one step ahead of her. I never felt that I would harm them. As a parent I was responsible for their welfare. Sometimes I would find out something and devised plans to make them open up about the subject. I never confronted with with the information I found. I learned how to get it out of them. Some times working one against the other helped. Hey they do it to parents!

I can always tell when my daughter is up to something because of the way she will look at me differently. I caught her being so sneaky and she would just laugh but I haven't caught her lied about anything as I have always told her to tell me the truth and I won't get mad but I might gt upset or hurt but don't lie to me or her father so she has been opened with us and that's good.

I do not have to try 'catching'. It happen so naturally that I know instantly if the kids are lying or being sneaky. Call it sixth sense. I do not think that we are giving them the wrong message if we "try" to check on them. We use the story of Pinochio, the puppet whose nose grow longer the more he lies, to illustrate what will happen if they lie.

If you have caught you child in a lie then the consequences are checking up on them. The message you should be sending them is proper behavior does not require you to check up on them. Periodic checks are just part of life, a way to determine if they are holding up their end of the trust and as such they need to understand that. Trust is only as good as your actions so you have to follow through.

My mom has tried to do that, and then it makes me feel really really bad when I know I've lied, and I have to cover up my lie with another one. I eventually told her the truth about everything I could remember. Lying is horrible and it just makes you feel bad.

I think as a parent its our duty to check on our kids that they don't lie. If that becomes a habit for them, and can get worse than just a lie and they will start hiding big things from you. If we catch them on their lie everytime, they will have the fear of being caught and will prevent them from lieing.

I would be like you and feel that we have to give our children trust . You can't expect someone even a child to trust you if you don't give them trust to start with but like you said I have also caught my children telling me a lie and then it makes me suspicious about why they went through all the trouble to lie to me in the first place . On the odd occasion I have checked up on my children but when I have done this I don't feel guilty only because I am hurt because I know they lied to me to start with and threw away the trust I had in them to begin with . Trust has to be earned but when someone gives you a reason not to trust them then it is hard not to be suspicious about their behavior and they have to take back the time to earn back the trust that they lost . As a parent I don't snoop and if I do anything my children know I am doing it to begin with as I don't hide it from them for example my children are allowed on chats on the internet but I they have to save all their conversations so I can go back and check them if I ever feel the need to . I don't actually do this but if I ever felt I had to then I would and they know the chance is still there . I only do this because I realize the internet is such a dangerous place especially for teenagers but they have never given me the reason not to trust them in this department yet .

Hehe.. Mines only a year + old, so I don't. I think I'll be able to trust him and until the point I can't I might, but I'm not going to get paranoid over something without prove or least a better idea. ~Joey