wrong to ignore friend who's trying to sell me insurance?
By squaretile
@squaretile (3778)
Singapore
June 26, 2007 5:30am CST
I feel kinda bad now.
My friend, whom I haven't really talked to in like 10 years, got my number from another friend, and called me to sell me insurance.
Ok so my friend is an independent 'financial advisor', but you know how these meetings go, after a while, they are just trying to sell you stuff. And i know these products. Those that are aggressively marketed are those that give the salesperson high commissions.
So when she called, I didn't pick up the phone. The other friend who gave my number told me she was going to call. I don't mind meeting her to catch up, after all we were quite good friends in school. But it seems like the only reason why she's meeting up with all my ex-classmates is to market these products.
I already have all the insurance cover i need, and I would really not want to sit down and have to politely listen to more sales talk than what the TV and roadside banners are bombarding me with.
What do you think? Is it mean of me to ignore her call? I feel quite bad about it... but then again would really wish to avoid having a conversation with her, or having to tell her than I'm not interested in meeting up. i must be an avoider personality type. :(
7 people like this
21 responses
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
26 Jun 07
First, I would question my friend why she gave my number without my permission. I find it rude to do such. At the very least, she should have requested my permission or get me to call her.
Since you are friends, perhaps you can tell her directly you are fully covered (btw, how do you define fully covered? I am interested to know) and need no insurance now. Or perhaps she just need someone to listen to her presentation. If this is the case, I would oblige her by listening to her presentation provided there is no obligations to purchase. That's what friends are for, isn't it? No need to ignore her call. Take it and face the fact! Perhaps she is a messenger send by god.
3 people like this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
yah.. i think she just thot we were all classmates so why not.
problem with the suggestion is that, if she calls me and says, hey, long time no see, let's meet for lunch to catch up. then i have to say 'erm...but no sales talk please"? sounds strange for me to bring up. i don't think she might bring it up. that's the usual ploy right?
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
26 Jun 07
I don't see anything wrong. You are doing him and you a benefit really.
Unless you think you might want to buy something, do not bother. He is just wasting his time (unless he needs practice in pitching) and you are just wasting your time.
And when you don't buy from him in the end, both will not be happy and the relationship will be strained, so to speak.
So why bother. Ignoring calls may in fact be the best policy - though he might get angry once he realized you don't even want to speak to him.
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
yeah, seen from the time efficient point of view. the only thing is, yup, she might get angry with me... not that we'd see each other anytime soon but then again... we were friends at one point.
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
26 Jun 07
I think the best way to approach this is to tell her the truth. That u are more than glad to do some catchingup, but that u are not interested in buying any insurance coz u and your family have what u need and are happy about that.
I am sure that she will understand. She can not expect all people she know, or knew to buy insurance from her. All people have their favourite companies and most of us as grown ups already have that settled =)
2 people like this
@pilotjune1972 (199)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
more than a good reply..i think its the best reply.. "honesty is still the best policy "
@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
26 Jun 07
I understand that because I have also done something like that...you know, avoid somebody who you know will pester you with selling something you don't really need, or is not in your priority, like a set of encyclopedia, or an insurance, or multi-level products, etc. That friend whom you have not seen for a long time could have at least arranged just a friendly meeting, instead of sell something that you are not really interested about. Sometimes, the best way is to avoid these kind of people because they are so persistent it's difficult to turn them down. Just this afternoon a credit card representative insisted on offering something which I am especially keen about. I even thought of not answering her call in case she calls again. Her persistence is close to pestering me, I guess it's best not to talk her at all 'coz it seems she does not take no for an answer. We then become victims of being pushed into buying something which we don't really intend to buy in the first place. Next time your friend calls, just politely tell him you're not interested with his product.
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
well, when a bank called me to market one of their 'investment' products i got so feddup i wrote this email tirade and eventually got them to take my handphone number off all their unsolicited marketing lists. the only reason why they have my number is for security verification and the other usage of it was clearly abuse of privacy.
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I wouldn't avoid her call if it was me. I would answer the phone and what for her to ask if we can meet. I would then take the time to tell her that if she wants to meet to talk about old times then that is fine but if she is wanting to meet to sell me something then I am not interested. If you keep avoiding her she may just keep calling. The phone constantly ringing annoys me.
2 people like this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
i think i need to be more bold and more thick-skinned and be able to say all that you mentioned. saying no takes skill!
@mikeyr6000le (2123)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I would take the call and catch up on old times. If the conversation turned to this person tring to sell you something just politley say no thank you. If this person persists just turn into a robot and keep saying no thank you and even say it in a recorded kind of way. If the person still doesn't get the hint try changing the subject or just hang up on them.
1 person likes this
@horsesrule (1957)
• United States
26 Jun 07
It's not mean to ignore her call. It's mean of her to call you to try to sell you something instead of calling you to catch up on your life! Now if she was calling you just to visit and catch up, that would be great but if her first call to you is about selling you stuff, oh, that's just so tacky!
2 people like this
@serialmommy (639)
• United States
27 Jun 07
My suggestion is to pick up the phone next time she calls and say "Hi, I haven't talked to you in a while. I was told that you are getting a hold of all your old friends to try to sell them stuff. That's great and I wish you luck, however I don't want, nor need any of it. So if you want to get together some time to catch up, and you promise to leave your sales pitch at home, I'd love to!" Have it written out in advance so that you can just follow the script. She will either be understanding and agree, or get angry and tell you where to go. Either way, you've made your point, you've confronted and handled the issue, and you can move on to greener pastures. Meet it head on and you'll be much happier with the results.
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
28 Jun 07
whoa that's direct! not quite my style, but if I had it written down i just might be able to pull it off.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
26 Jun 07
Pick up the phone, while she is talking to you, if she even mentions "insurance, etc" tell her "oh, I thought you wanted to catch up, I really don't need any of those things. But if you want to get together to discuss old times, I would love to" Let her know you are in no way, shape nor form interested in buying anything. I would be very upset with the friend that gave out my phone number. If I give someone my number, it is for them and them alone. Not to share with everyone.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Well, I for one don't give numbers to anyone, even old friends. I figure I can have the common courtesy to at least ask friend "x" if they want to give the number. Or I would tell the friend asking, I don't have it on me, give me your number and when I find her's I'll pass it along.
As for her bringing up her work during lunch, you can always say, "that sounds like a fascinating job, I am glad you like your work" Then lead the conversation elsewhere. If she continues, it should not be hard to feel hurt and tell her, "I thought you wanted to catch up, I see now it was a ploy to sell your wares. Thanks for lunch." Then get up and walk away. I know it is harsh, but a friend that will use you for sales, is not a true friend indeed.
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
28 Jun 07
thanks!! she hasn't called me back but if she does, your plan and AhGong's plan are what I'm gonna use. thanks for taking the time to advise on this thorny issue.
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
thanks... problem is that, if she calls me and says, hey, long time no see, let's meet for lunch to catch up. then i have to say 'erm...but no sales talk please"? sounds strange for me to bring up. i don't think she might bring it up during the call, which is just to set up the lunch bait and reel in the catch. that's the usual ploy right?
as for the number giving... i dont' really blame my other friend. when let's say you bump into an old college friend on the street, and then you catch up, adn then the other friend says hey have you heard from XXX? I would also give XXX's number to link them up again.
the only complication here is her job and the way she operates.
@angela2006 (1845)
• China
27 Jun 07
I do not think it is wrong if we want to refuse his insurance,because we have the right to refuse or not.and now that he want to sell insurance to us,then it is a deal a bussiness,so if we do not need,we can just tell him the truth.
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
28 Jun 07
yup... i find it easier to say no to strangers than friends though.
@Cassy1976 (796)
• Australia
27 Jun 07
No I dont think you are being rude by ignoring her I think it is her that is being rude after so long not seeing each other then ringing up to sell you something, that just isnt what friendship is for. Fair enough if she had rung you and got to know you again and asked all about your life and spent a few weeks getting to know you again and then asking you if you wanted to buy insurance but only ringing to sell you insurance in my book that is just rude! I would keep ignoring her phone calls if I were you! Either that or pick it up and tell her that you arent interested and see how long the conversation lasts! I once had an old high school friend ring me and asked to meet up, which I thought was wonderful but then when she got to my house she tried to sell me amway and that was all that she wanted, when I told her that I wasnt interested she left and I havent seen her since.... not the sort of friend that I want anyway
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
28 Jun 07
yeah, if she did spend a few weeks I would be more inclined to just hear her out and give her some practise at pitching. though from what i heard, she's doing really well, in some million dollar sales club or something, so she really doesn't need my business.
and those who are determined to make a sale just usually can't be bothered to invest so much time.
@MisterSteve (30)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Your friend is trying to use you. Typical of any sales organization is to direct you at your ''sphere'' basically all your friends. They point you at them and try to push you into aggressively marketing your friends and family. When you fail to sell your friends, they will tell you that you are holding back and not being pushy enough. Most organizations of this type are pure turn and burn oriented; Release a flock of raw recruits on their families and when they fail it costs the organization nothing. Nothing wrong with being a salesman, but this type of attitude is very unhealthy for the sales force, ie YOU!
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
28 Jun 07
i know! it's so horrible!! how do these people have any friends at the end of it!! even their relatives will be shunning them. these organisations are probably the source and to blame, but then again, those salespeople also willingly go with it to make more money...
@noyida (795)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
I had the same problem a couple of years before. I knew how you felt. It kind of irritating. This friend so suddenly popped up in your life after a long lost period. If she is the sort of persistant person, she will keep bugging you on. So the best solution is not to avoid her. Just answer her call and tell her that you are fully insured from head to toe. If she insisted that you need more, perhaps you can just tell her not to waste her effort and time as you do not have anymore budget to buy any additional insurance. Believe me, it work when we are being frank.
Dont get yourself into dilemma over someone reaction. Be truthful and honest, do yourself a favour. Good Luck.
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
yah how come there are so many people like that? thanks for the advice, it was good!
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I actually got to the point where I did not feel one bit quilty about avoiding these types of friends - we're friends and I don't appreciate being treated like a customer. If I'm interested I will ask - don't bother me with your sales pitch is what I say.
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
yeah. those that i meet regularly i make sure they know that. but those who want to catch up?? hmm... hard to decline based on what they are not willing to tell over the phone.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
26 Jun 07
Well I think your other friend should not have given out your personal details without your prior consent first (i think anyways) and now she has put you in a situation where you would rather avoid the phone only because this person is calling you about insurance. I know she meant well but I would be annoyed if others gave out my personal details without asking first.
Umm a tough one, I would probably avoid the call but then again if he/she keeps calling then maybe pick it up and when she starts to go on about the insurance, just to be polite and say oh thanks for the information but I already have insurance and am not interested or something like that. Ugh I hate those type of phone calls LOL
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
yeah...it's not just a call though. she'll call only to arrange for lunch to 'catch up'. then she won't mention anything else until the lunch. so i can't quite bring up the subject and say 'oh btw, I heard that you're working as an agent now? pls don't try to sell me anything when we meet ok?'
on the brighter side, she's not calling me after a few times yesterday.
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
Well, I'd take this opportunity to tell that person that I am well covered. Then talk about anything but insurance or finance for that matter.
Tell your friend politely that you have all your bases covered for the time being and will consider engaging his/her services when the need arise to change your portfolio.
They will get the message and will not bother you much no more about financial stuff in future. It works.
If you ignore, they will just keep calling and calling till you finally do reply.
Meeting up with your friend will resolve two things.
1) you tell him/her upfront that you have already got your future well thought out and planned for
2) you do not have to feel guilty for ignoring her calls all the time. This way, when you do bump into each other in future, there is no awkwardness
@ahgong (10064)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
Nah... that will make the meeting more confrontational than necessary.
Just go and meet up, then during the mist of conversation, if she brings up the topic of financial planning, then you have to tell her, "Sorry dear, I got my financial planning done shortly after we graduated. After my marriage, I had committed almost the rest of my income to other priorities including my retirement. If my hubby and I were to decide on changing our portfolio in future, we will definitely give you a call first! But for now, or in the near future, I don't foresee doing any more financial commitments other than those we already have."
that way, you keep your friendship and inform her firmly that you will not be buying anything from her for the moment.
If she insists on promoting her stuff, as long as lunch is not finish, indulge her. She is trying to make a sales pitch, give her a little break and let her do her stuff.
No harm done listening to what she has to offer anyways.
Once the meal is over, excuse yourself that you have another appointment and then part ways there and then.
Go dutch, so that you are not obligated to her in anyways.
Hope it helps.
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
28 Jun 07
yup, I'll do just that. you get best response! thankfully i haven't had to use your plan. she appears to have taken the hint. phew. i just dun like awkward situations nor want to be guilted into being made use of.
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
how about this, when she calls and says want to go for lunch, i say , hey btw are you going to ask me about my financial situation and get me to hire you as an adviser? cos i really don't need anymore insurance, no budget etc etc. then maybe she'll be paiseh and then feel obliged to still meet up with me and not mention finance.
i dunno. then she might feel like it's a waste of time cos she didn't achieve her pitching goal? if she starts talking about it anyway, it might mean the end of our friendship forever? aiyoh, girls are just more sensitive abt stuff like that. good thng she stopped calling.
@jmathen (112)
• India
26 Jun 07
She is calling you to sell an insurance and you dont want one since you already have an insurance.Well, does she know that you are not interested in having one more insurance??? since you didnt tell her that, she will keep on trying to reach you ! Think of this way, she is old friend and you would like to meet and have a chat with her, right? the only problem is that you dont want to buy an insurance ! If I were you, i would politely tell my friend my present situation. True that she might be feel bad and still try to get you to take an insurance. But if tell her what is actually going on in my mind, she will definitely keep that in mind and wont try to push further ! Ever thought of that ???? she might bring it up once in a while, but you can always say " you will consider but not now and definitely you will let that person know when you are in need". If she is not fond of talking you any further, well, then you can say "bye" to each other and get over it ! Otherwise, if you try ignoring her, i guess you will be feeling bad every time you avoid her ! Why do you want to go through that sort of a feeling?????
1 person likes this
@tdbrower1969 (1242)
• United States
27 Jun 07
No, I don't think it is mean. I had this happen to me also, and I did listen to this person but was not interested in what they were trying to sell. The only time he asked about me or my family was to fill out information on the form he was trying to sell his products to me. I felt that it was very rude, and I told him so. He also did this with three or four of our mutual friends and we all turned him down. It amazes me that people who have not talked to you in years call you one day out of the blue to get something from you to better their own life, without any thought or feeling. I do not think that I could ever be like that, but I know there are a lot of people who are just this way. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her or hearing the sales pitch, I would not answer the call, but this is just my opinion.
1 person likes this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
that's exactly how i felt. and i'm better at saying no by saying nothing at all. hopefully she gets the hint. she hasn't called back after a few times yesterday, so i think she got it.
afterall if she's doing this to so many of my friends, then she must expect some people to start avoiding her. some of my friends did want advice so they were happy to meet her, even with that ulterior motive, so to speak. :)
