Will you scold your kids in public or wait till you get home?
By daryljane
@daryljane (3406)
Philippines
June 26, 2007 3:09pm CST
Maybe Im just blessed..because no matter what we did, they wait till we get home before thay scold us, even spank us if what we did is really bad and not do it in public...they never humiliate us...
What triggers me in posting this topic is that...on my way to work today, i got into this public utility jeep, along the way, theres this mother with 4 kids who aboarded the jeep...one they've seated, the mother starts talking and nagging at her kids for laughing at this guy they saw sleeping at the sidewalk, since theye thinking it was their uncle who left home and they cant find him...ok..to make the story short, she is nagging and venting on her kids ( for whatever mistakes they did!) the travel for work went on for 15 minutes and she is still talking...saying bad words to her kids
Does she really have to do that? Cant she just wait to get home and tell them there..or she's striking while the Iron is HOT!!!
Personally, i dont get it, since i havent been in that situation before with my parent...theyve always believe that they can scold us or spank us in private but not in public, because if you do that, its like hitting one's ego and they might retaliate...
Also during college, im with the advance ROTC, our commandant always tell us, to do whatever we wanted to do with our tainess/junior officer in private and not show it to public, because no matter how senior you are, once you humiliate someone in public, they can kill you!
what about you? whats your point about scolding your kids in public? Are you on it? or against it?
please share your thoughts..thanks!
6 people like this
24 responses
@latsmom (824)
•
26 Jun 07
I think it depends on the circumstance and to the extent of the misadventure to be honest. If it was somethig that could wait then I woudl wait till I got home, but with young children it is best to tell them off when they have misbehaved right away especially before they can speak as they may not understand what it is that they have done wrong shoudl you wait an hour o rtwo till they get home. Sometimes kids try it on when they are out knowing full well you will be too embarrassed to put them right, however I woudl prefer to tell my daughter off for what ever she has done and then let it go, unless really bad of course. In the UK it is now illegal to smack your child and you can be imprissoned for it, before this law came to be though I always said that I would never smack my daughter and have stuck to that for nearly 5 years, she is top of the class, popular and freindly not to mention polite, it is rare I have to tell her off in public, usually a stern glare is enough for her to know what she has done wrone. Going to tottally contradict myself now I suppose but I hate it if I see a kid totally recking a shop or using foul language and the parent just seems to turn a blind eye but then on the other hand I have seen parents shout so loud at their child that the whole precinct stops to stare, I woudl not like to do either. I thin ka quiet word in the ear or taking away a priveledge can help.
1 person likes this
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
i guess what happened was they saw this man and the kids thought its their moms brother and they were laughing at him while he is sleeping in some side walk..the mom got mad because of what they did...but i dont think its appropriate for her to go nagging at them for the whole 15 min ride!
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
yeah..you know what, id still get stuck to that thought even until now...i feel for the kids!
@yacekiih (28)
• Philippines
13 Jul 07
nagging in public?! huh! i think that mother should be taught about public ethicists first.. lol
if children misbehave, just remind them that its not right and tell them that you are going to have a discussion about this matter at home. In this way, everyone will have opinions and open discussion for me is the best way to discipline kids. Somehow it gives them sense of right in the family as a member of the family.
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
26 Jun 07
It is best to wait until you are out of any public place, before scolding your children. It doesn't matter how horrible their behaviour is, they do not deserve to be humilited in public. One may say they "deserve" it, but they don't. Parents who scold their children in public are only doing so out of anger, and are not thinking.
@coferbox (298)
• United States
1 Jul 07
I think that depends on the circumstance. Take this for example. Several months ago my daughter was the checkout line at a local dept store. She was several months pregnant at the time by the way. A girl age around 7 or 8 kept ramming the her buggy into my daughters back. Did I mention my daughter was several months pregnant? The mother of the little girl never said a work. My daughter turned around twice and told her to stop. The mother of the little girl at that point also told the girl to stop, but she didn't. I think the mother should have done something more in that case and waiting until you are home be damned. That brat could have injured my daughter or grandbaby! My parents disciplined me and public and I turned out fine - better than some in my opinion. Because I have always understood when out in public you 'act right', not like many brats I see in malls today. Sometimes you just shouldn't wait until later if your child is acting out in a way that could be harmful to others. Kids need to know right away sometimes that certain behavior will not be tolerated.
1 person likes this
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
10 Jul 07
hmmm..thats really bad, so to speak..i guess, the mother should have done something about it because her kid is already hurting your daughter, which is not really normal.
1 person likes this
@laltu86 (1249)
• India
27 Jun 07
I am also in the good lucky lucky list as you are , yes my parents never spanked or even scolded me in public as far as i can remember.Once my mother publicly scolded me but that because we were at the market and i was outrageous and naughty , but still my father said that she shouldnt have done it (i was bad , i overheared their conversation). Now when i have grown up i undertand why my father has said those words that day.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
alhtough ive receieved some spanking and scolding from my parents before but never in public..which is somehow good in some way..at least i was nevr humiliated! lolz! :)
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
2 Jul 07
I'm not doing it to my kids coz they know me,
whenever I had comments or if I saw that they
doing not the right thing when we are in public,
I'll just stare at their eyes and they already
know that I'm angry. But I'm not scolding
them or say bad words to them infront of the others,
when we got home thats the time I will talked to
them and explaining to them that is bad and not
good specially in public places.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
11 Jul 07
wow!!! youre a good mother...and have your way of getting into your kids...keep it up lyn..:)
@asawako48162 (3321)
• United States
12 Jul 07
Yes, I agree. why do parents do this to their children in public?
My wife and I had a married couple from Germany and they had a 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl.
In a mall the boy wandered off and his when his father caught up with him he started to beat the kid on in head with his fist and open hand..he punched the kid and slapped him silly..I told Willi..(the German guy) if a cop saw you or you were reported you could go to jail for punching your child..also Willi would not wear seat belts while i was driving
also I let him drive and he thought he was in Germany on the Autobahn and drove over 100 mph..not klicks mph..and i had to scream at him..but he just laughed.
also his daughter was eating at our house and her mother also screamed at her to eat her food.."you better eat your food ..and all of it ..and then she slapped her also.." poor kid..my wife just took the food away and threw it in the garbages..enough said
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
15 Jul 07
whoa! thats is so harsh!! how can they do that to their kids..im a mom and i get mad at my son sometimes but i dont do that..at his age, i make it to a point to talk to him when hes done something wrong. But what theyre doing to their kids is not good...
@gregory_burnz (40)
• Philippines
2 Jul 07
...i believe you could do scolding in public to your children but in a nice and convincing words..but not to be physical...for when you are going to wait until you get home you might forget about the whole thing...and i just couldn't imagine myself on keep on thinking and keeping the anger i have for what my child have done wrong untill i get home...and what if my home is still a mile away???wow, that's a long way of holding my temper...eheheh
@coferbox (298)
• United States
1 Jul 07
Well there is a correct way to discipline you kids. You can correct them without humiliating them. When my daughter was a child I would correct her in public because I felt that if there was any place where she knew I would let bad behavior go, even if just until we got home, then she would probably take advantage of the situation. Sometimes I wonder if that is why I see so many unruly kids in public and their parents not doing anything. Kids tend to live in the moment, the fact that they will be in trouble when they get home is often lost on them. They just know for the moment they are getting by with stuff. So yes, I believe you correcting kids in public, you can do it quietly and quickly without causing a big scene, but kids need to be kept in line no matter where they are.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
well...parents actually different ways to discipline their kids..it just depends which one really works, but i dont hink humiliating our kids on public is good too..considering what that effect it will do to them..right? :)
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I think if your child is acting up in public you need to scold them- But do so in a provate way- Take them out of the situation- If it is in a store- take their hand and leave the store- Kind of hard to leave the jeep though- I think she should have told them to stop and that they would talk about it later- I don't think that you should spank your kids or swear at them in public- But if they are being really bad- just take them out of the situation.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
you whats sad, she keep telling them , wait till we get home and im going to show how mad i am!! but then again, she is berating them on what they did!!
@mummymo (23706)
•
1 Jul 07
I think it is harder on kids (depending on their age) to scold them later as they don't always understand by then what they did wrong! That is my opinion but then again I try not to go on and on at them just let them know what they did was wrong, why and that there are consequences if they were to do it again! x
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
10 Jul 07
based on this furom, i guess its ok to scold them when theyre younger than 3 since they wont be able to understand being humiliated and stuff like that. but older than that. like what some says, there are things that you need to settle there and not wait till you get home...im learning something new here!
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
1 Jul 07
Hello daryljane,
I prefer not to be scold in public. It never happened to me ; my parents never done that before. I do feel it is such a humiliation if your parents need to scold you in public. It doesn't matter how old you are, what wrong you did, but the basic is there : wait till you get home before scolding you. As for me, I will not do it to my son. I prefer a private place to talk to him or to scold him for whatever wrongdoings he has made. For me, parents who scold their kids in front of others are just trying to show off that they are good and concerned about their children's behavior.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
youre right...parents maybe bragging that they can really handle their kids thats why they scold them in public. lolz! :)
@maybel13 (205)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
If you want your kids to respect you, you should also learn how to respect them. In a parent-children relationship, there must be an equal respect with each other, its not a reason that your older than your children so they have to respect you whether you respect them back or not.
Lucky are those children who find respects from their parents, becasue during our parent's time, they really have to respect their parents, they should obey the rules.
well to answer the question, if i'm goingto have my own kids, I will never do it. Because if you love your children, you won't let them humiliated in front of many people watching. If you always do it to your children, it might cause a trauma to them and as they grow old, it was already planted in their head.
@Juanamomof5 (429)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I try not to scold in public like you I believe it deminishes a child's self esteam. I have five kids and if they are not following the rules in public I start to count once I get to three we leave. I then talk to them on the way home in the privacy of my own car. I usually don't have this problem since we have a rule if you behave the whole time we are out in the last place we stop you will be able to pick out a treat.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
yeah! i fully agree! its only a matter on how you talk to yours so that they will behave. and talking to them really works then scolding them. thanks!
@ashamilee (64)
• United States
28 Jun 07
It depends, honestly. I can see how it's inappropriate because it's really annoying when people air thier dirty laundry in public, however with small kids (about 5 and under) they don't have the attention spans to wait until they get home - by this time they have forgotten what they have done wrong so it's best to get any scolding/punishing out of the way there,
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
the kids are actually older than 5..so its really best to wait till they get home..
@trk918 (254)
• United States
27 Jun 07
humiliate them no. embarrass them yes. scold them yes. when they know they are doing wrong & getting away with it they keep doing it & it gets worse as time goes on. so they get scolded at home, means nothing to them but once they get scolded in public they tend to not like that so they don't do those things anymore.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
well, you have your point there too..chances are, theyre going to behave because their might be embarrass in public again..thanks!
@gloria777 (1674)
• India
27 Jun 07
Its not good to scold our children in Public. I just send the warning signals with my eyes & later take them into task when at home.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
1 Jul 07
thats what my grandmother does...she just look at with a meaningful stare and we behave..
@rapolu_cs (1184)
• India
27 Jun 07
Scolding the kids below 3yrs of age is not aproblem but doing this at the ages more than that before others or in the public makes different in you and in yoiur kids too and kids may feel very bad for the way you treat them in public and they may get hurt. I usually never scold my kid if at all the chance comes i never used the worst scoldings and doing this in public i dont like.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
1 Jul 07
yeah..below 3 is OK..but older then that is a fferent story already. they already knows the feeling of humiliation and its not going to do any good! thanks!:)
@navtech (1773)
• India
27 Jun 07
Hi daryljane, you are right. Kids should be scolded in private and not in public. Scolding in public really hit the ago of the child. The woman should not have scolded her children in public like this. I have seen few parents slaping their children in public. When they grow up they will retalitate the same with their parents. This humiliation remain the corner of the heart always in the child. Certain child act violent because of this bad habit of parents scolding their children in public.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
yeah..thats right! theyre human too..not because theyre kids doesnt mean theyre your kids they dont deserce some respect?
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
27 Jun 07
When we are in public my fiancee and I like to tell the children that their behavior isn't acceptable and that we will be talking about it when we get home. This lets the children know that they should stop what they are doing. If for whatever reason they do not stop then we will take them in to the restroom or out to the car so that we are able to discuss what they are doing wrong. I don't believe that we need to discipline our children with an audience present. Even at home we will take the children in to our bedroom to talk to the individually. I have to admit that I do think that embarrassing your child in public might be able to work in getting them to stop a behavior. I have heard of parents who have used this method. I have even heard of judges using it before.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
absolutely! if we wanted out kids to grow up the way we wanted them to be...we being the parents should be the first people who will show them the respect they all deserve...i was thinking, if we scold them in public, people may not respect them..same goes to us..thanks castleghost.
@sreeraj_9 (67)
• India
27 Jun 07
hi
nicce questions
in public never we should scold.. because we r not spoiling not only his image but also our image too...
after taking home if we express the problem then he will understand and he never do the mistake again...
sreeraj_9@yahoo.com
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
1 Jul 07
thats what i thought during that time! she kept telling her kids that had this attitude not knowing that its reflecting her ways of disciplining them..
@MisterSteve (30)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Punishing your children in public is humiliating and unnecessary. A good example of the correct action to take is corporate culture, where the executive gets chewed out behind closed doors, while a unified front is presented to the lower echelons and outside elements. If you have ever met a family where the parents are bragging about their kids and saying how wonderful they are doing and successful etc, those are the same people that are beating the tar out of them behind closed doors. The kids behave, they don't feel humiliated and to everyone else, you're a model family. Everybody wins.
@daryljane (3406)
• Philippines
1 Jul 07
hey! i like that explanation!!! its actually a win2 situation! the kids behave when in public..the parents get to be credited for it too.. thanks!
