will you tell your child she is adopted? what age is she capable of understandin

Though my situation is not adoption it did require some explaining to the childern. My first child (12)was fine. She isn't the biological child of my boyfriend of 11 years. Always he was Howard and she had her dad. Then I had Clay my boyfriends son. Fine. But we broke up one summer and I got pregnant with my third child. We were back together before I found out. He is being raise by my boyfriend but is not his biological son. If his father ever came back he may have rights to him as we didn't do legal papers giving up rights. He does know about the child but has stayed out of his life, his choice. Cole is now 6 and knows that Howard is not his birth father but he looks at him as a dad. He is happy and fine. Though to many this is not normal it is the only normal he understands. He has asked about his real dad and I told him honestly and as age appropriately as possible. But also ending it with how many people here love him so much and how he was a gift given to us. He has really made my life whole and I couldn't picture my life without him. Sometimes you can't always go through legal challenges and life isn't about always going by the books. I think when she gets old enough to ask give age appropriate honest answers. My childern when they were preschoolers started asking questions about where they came from. And think about it, what a story to tell her! How much you really wanted her! How much love you have for her. She is so beautiful! Yes there are going to be some yuck topics later, even for me when Cole puts it together that I wasn't as perfect as his 6 year old eyes look at me as. There will be a time long from now to face how your husbands family felt. But cross that bridge when you get there together as a family. Take Care Vicki

AT what age is right to tell a child they have been adopted well that's really your choice.. I think though at a age where they can understand what's really going on around them. I am sure they would be very tempted to want to go find their birth mother but than again have a thousand quiestions on why they were given up for adoption. I know if I was I would be asking and wanting to know that.. But I think around the age of 8 children do understand how ever that might be a bit early for them or I might be wrong. When my father passed away my son asked so many questions I just couldn't answer so my husband sat down with him and explained what had happened. He understood that his grandpa went to heaven so again around that age but with something like this again they are going to try and find their birth parents thats my oppion..

I think when she is able to understand what adoption is, would be a good time. I don't know why families don't tell their kids early, because I think eventually they do find out, and its worse when they do later on. But each to their own. I hope it all works out for you.

Yeah, because truth will always prevails somehow. I can't imagined if she will realized it later by her ownself. It will be dramatic afterwards and even set herself away from you. EVEN if you have done something right to her long before she knows. But it should be in the right time and right place to tell her that she is an adopted child. I'm not sure what exactly the best age to tell her.

the proper time i think is when he or she is in the right age to accept things happen on to their life. but you are one who see the proper time to say that. if you think that he coudnt understand yet the situation, then do not say it yet, but if the person is willing to hear your explanation then go for it.

I have to say I agree with everyone else. It is best to tell them early. I was removed from my mother when I was 3 and adopted at 5. So I always knew what had happened but my parents always talked about it with me. The biggest thing to remember is that when you do finally decide to tell her to be very supportive and open to any and all questions she may have. I know this sounds obvious but my parents were always kind of standoffish about the details and I just really wanted to know so I could know where I came from. One thing I want to assure you is that no matter what you are her mother. and she will no that. A mother isn't just someone who gives birth to someone it is someone who gives them a life.

I have no idea HOW you should tell her, but you should. My coworker has two adopted children. Her 5 year old knows he is adopted. Her little girl is about your daughter's age and she is not old enough to understand, but the 5 year old handles it well.

Why did they just hand you over their baby?How old was she then? Just let her know that you love her and that she is your child.When she get's to when she can talk with her friends I think she should know then.Because if you wait till she get's older,she might be mad at you saying that you were keeping important things from her. If your in-laws won't accept her then that's their problem.Why do they not want to accept her? Sounds like they have a problem.

If possible, I would like to adopt a girl as a daughter. As right now I have a son. I always think two children are perfect for a family. And I am not going to tell her that she was adopted. I will regard her as my own child. Telling her the truth has more disadvantages than advantages for her. I don't want it'll be hurtful for her. If she knows the truth, maybe she will blame herself and wonder why her own parents didn't want her. So I never plan to tell her the truth. She will just be my own daughter forever.

you are doing the right thing, moving out and make a great family with your husband and the baby. Well, you can tell her when she is old enough to understand you... dont let her know now otherwise she wont stay focus. You got a pretty baby there and for me it doesn't matter if I was adopted cuz I have other two couple that love me the most and provide me anything I want, who can give me that? it is a good thing to share love with someone else...

What a cutie!! Your daughter looks very sweet! You do need to tell your daughter that she is adopted. Although she isn't capable of understanding that now it will make it much easier for her than if she finds out when she is older. A lot of children that find out when they are teenagers or older have a lot of issues with their adoption because they suddenly find out that a huge part of their life is a lie. I suggest you IMMEDIATELY contact an adoption agency for both your daughters protection and yours.

You have a beautiful who should be your priority. I hope she has been adopted legally through the authorities in order to protect her and you especially in case the birth parents decide they want her back. In the uk children who are adopted can search for their parents when they reach the age of 18yrs old others have agreements with the adoptive parents to be sent photographs. Dont worry about the responses of some family members she is your family now. I do think she has the right to know she has been adopted WHEN she is old enough to understand and you will know when that is trust me.

Hey you have a beautiful daughter and she is your priority, I hope she was adopted legally through the authorities as this will protect you and her especially if the natural parents decide they want her back. In the uk the the adotive child can at 18 yrs make contact with her birth parents if she so wishes but it is up to her. I think she has the right to know that she has been adopted but only when she is old enough to understand and you will work out when that is in time.

yes definitely! i'm an adopted son, before my mom die she told me that i'm an adopted, but she never told me the name, just the surname. For me i just wanted to know who is my true parent and there history, medical history, so that i would know what i have. and wanted to know if i have brother and sister. i want to unite to them too, but still the parent who brought me up is my true parent.

I don't think it's fair not to tell a child that he or she was adopted. I think the child needs to know. As for when the child finds out, it all depends on the child. Adoptive parents need to jusge this according to their own children, and the way the children mature.

I prefer not to tell her. If we want to tell, then I think , the right age is 18+.