Are you still haunted by your past?
By psyche49f
@psyche49f (2502)
Philippines
July 9, 2007 8:28am CST
I am...you see, my father was a lunatic...he had delusions, hallucinations, and was mentally disturbed. When I was young, I often see him in fits of violence, attacking an unseen 'enemy', shouting, even challenging neighbors and passersby...for years, I lived with that kind of life. It was miserable...I had sleepless nights, had embarassing times when friend discover my father's condition, some sympathetic, but more often, we too were condemned. I thought I'd never survive the ordeal, being the youngest. It's difficult to talk every detail of it, but all I can say is: my life as a child with my father was like HELL. For me, I suffered a lot...even developed feelings of inferiority, of uncertainty, of humiliation. How has that past affected me? Today, whenever people shout very close to me, I react negatively. I find them revolting...and as I look back, I can say that my reaction now is a product of the miserable situation I was in as a young girl. For me the experience was too much to bear. I know my two siblings and my mother also suffered so much along with me. I am scarred by that experience, and I am thankful that I survived the ordeal with no trace of trauma to date. The Lord must be very good to me and my family for having carried us through the very rough times...
2 people like this
7 responses
@EvanHunter (4026)
• United States
9 Jul 07
I am sorry about you having such a rough past. We are all effected by our past wether we realise it or not. We must strive daily to overcome anything negative from our past by always being mindful of our thoughts and clearly looking at the present for what it is.
3 people like this
@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
That's right, and I am struggling to forget about it...but until now whenever I hear people shouting, I am reminded of that miserable past...I'm grateful to you for joining me in this discussion, which I hope will heal me completely...
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
10 Jul 07
Your discussion tells that you did have a very torrid and difficult time. May God give you more strength to fight and live happily.
You should not think too much about your past, it is not use over crying over split milk.
@kelly60 (4547)
• United States
10 Jul 07
There are things from my past which haunt me now and probably always will. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of some of my past events. I take medication for this, and when things get really bad I find someone to talk too. This could be a trusted friend, a therapist, or whoever you feel comfortable with, but many times talking about it helps.
@psyche49f (2502)
• Philippines
13 Jul 07
That's right...talking helps, and thanks heaven for friends like you....
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
10 Jul 07
I think very few of us come from "wonderful" family backgrounds...I think there are more people who come from dysfunctional families than not...You had a more extreme experience than many, but I didn't exactly grow up with a "stellar" family background and my mother was unstable herself, though it actually took many years for all her emotional problems to completely manifest or for I to really "see" --she was after all a great actress
As said my childhood wasn't terrific either, but I'm learning to put the past events behind me and make the effort to move on...It's my turn to live now...Perhaps you should look at some of my other discussions I've started all that deal with the Law Of Attraction principles that are presented in the book and DVD of The Secret...I've known about these principles all my life, but never really went full tilt to apply them...now I'm on a new journey of self-discovery and learning to be more positive in life
1 person likes this
@eashoor (307)
• Canada
9 Jul 07
Yes,
It is so bad it is destroying my present and my future..
I grew up in Saudi Arabia in an abusive family.
My main traumas are:
-being kidnapped at the age of 20 by the religious police and kept away from home for 2 month, ended up in jail and sentensed to 80 lashes in public.this is for being in the presense of a man who was not my husband as he was dropping me home from work.
-been in jail at least 3 times for not covering up or being with boys
-being beaten up by religious police in the street for everyone to stand by and watch
-being abused by my mother/father/brother and step mother
-having being forced to go into medicine and become a doctor with no options.
-beinf sexually assaulted twice
-Living with the shame of being a bad woman in a country that hates women
Currently I am struggling with extensive PTSD and Depression. I do not know how to get over my past. I have night terrors about the religious police and the abuse I was subjected to by my family.
1 person likes this
@punlonnjack (1308)
• United States
16 Jul 07
There is a saying i forget how it goes but something like you have to say 4 posivive things about yourself for every negative comment you have heard. try revaluation you past and try finding some good in it. could it have been always bad? can you remember anything positive about your father? Was there good moments or enjoyed duning with your father. My mother was an alcholic and at times it was embarrassing but i miss her dearly. I know i cause her pain for pointed out she had a problem and harrassing her to change. I wish i could take it back becuase others around her though she was happy and exciting person. She wasnt a drunk she would only drink a six pack a day and go to the bar occassional but we would go to places like busch gardens and she would drink and feel happy. I though everone was wacthing us. Paronoid is guess. I would alway nag her until she got mad or upset. She stated all the time she didnt know how to have fun without drinking. You said you were miserable and i undersatand but he had an illness he couldnt control.I f he had the right treatment he might of been a different person. Someone you may have loved more. I know quite a bit about Mental health issues ive never heard of lunaic? could you tell me more? I worked in mental health for 7 years and I also have an illness myself.
