What if your parents and family disapprove of your future husband/wife ?

Yeah you're right i'm caught right in the middle of this mess :) Usually my sister will pour her hearts and ask help from my older brother but he lives in another city so he's out of the picture and tho I'm the youngest I have to be the middle person in this problem. Well my mother does has lots of control issues. Her biggest problem would be that she loved to be in control of everything. So sometimes she acted like she's the head of the family. Don't get me wrong I love my mother but sometimes she's so stubborn and cannot accept other people suggestions. Other problems showed up recently because my sister wanted to start a business in the same town as her boyfriend which is in another island. And my mother thought that it's only a reason so she could be with her boyfriend. And worst she thought that my sister giving him money. And my sister not helping at all by getting emotional and all. Sometimes I think I just had enough with the fighting between them. :)

Thanks for your comments and I'm quite exhausted with their on going fight for almost 2 years that's why I'm putting this as a discussion topic and I will print this later so I can show my sister all your comments and suggestions. Tho I doubt my mother would even bother to hear me when I say to just let my sister alone :)

There are a lot of issues in the situation you are dealing with. The most important is for you to have healthy boundaries that keep you from being in the middle of this. As long as your mother and sister focus on what they want you to do about all of this, they will not deal with their own issues and their relationship with each other. I'm guessing there is truth on both of their sides: your sister trying not to be controlled by your mother and your mother's life experience that shows her warning signs about your sister's relationship. I'm guessing your sister is intelligent and might understand the need for reason for smart financial safety planning if she doesn't think it is a matter of forcing her to end her relationship. If her future husband shows himself to be unscrupulous, she can then draw her own conclusions. Your mother sounds like a good and smart woman who is trying to protect her children but her efforts are being counterproductive. The more she pushes, the more your sister pulls. I hope you can remove yourself from the middle and hopefully have a less stressful relationship with both of them. It isn't a question of love but of boundaries.

Well about why mother never like her boyfriend because he's shorter than she is and he's got 2 aunts that have mental disorder and the fact that his business went bankrupt doesn't help either. My mother always brag that in her youth, many good looking, rich guys favor her and I guess that's her standard judging my sister boyfriend.

LOL it's ok sometimes I think my mother is rude and very judgemental towards other people :D and usually I told her that but she keeps harrassing my sister. I guess my sister really need to stick out for herself if she wants to be happy.

That is no reason to dislike the man, those are very petty reasons. Height does not matter (the same as appearance, appearance doesn't matter) it's always whats on the inside, as for the aunts your mother shouldn't concern herself with that I'm sure that the aunts are well taken care of and are sorting out their mental problems. And the bankruptancy, well everyone is going to go through a very hard patch in their life and I'm sure that he will get back to the top again. I hope I don't sound rude or judgemental in anyway, but your mother needs to look at the bigger picture, and learn that not everyone is perfect but yet can still be loved.

I guess you share the same opinion as my sister because that's why she tried and still trying so hard to convince my mother about her boyfriend. And unfortunately my mother is very very very very very very very very very stubborn LOL if I may describe her character then she would be like XENA the warrior princess LOL and unfortunately apparently my sister inherited her stubborness so that's why they've been going at it for more than 2 years ... like watching the battle between XENA and Callisto .. ( Btw I'm a big fan of XENA LOL ) And my father he always agrees with my mother so I don't think my sister can expect anything from him.

For dleannad, I think you're very lucky in your relationship no matter what your family opinions. I always encourage my sister to just ignore my mother because it's not my mother who's going to end up marrying the boyfriend but my sister is. Yet she is also as stubborn as my mother to get approval from my parents. Tho I feel sorry for her because everytime she argued with my mother it was she who ended up crying in the end. My mother threatened to tell her boyfriend and his family to back off or else ... Personally I think my mother is all talk but my sister is soooo easly intimidated. I just feel sorry for her.

I got married even though my parents disaproved. Their disaproval was because he was African and Muslim. They didn't look at him as a man, but as skin color and religion stereo types. I'm glad I went ahead and married him. He is the love of my life and I would have missed out on that because of his skin color. I'm sorry, but yes there are some things your parents should help you with in your life, but there are also some things you need to do on your own. As far as being too short and 2 aunts with mental disorders that is wrong. What does height have to do with anything?

LOL nice suggestions so I will tell my sister and her bf to have lots of kids so one day their kids and my mother will go against them together LOL

well in my sister's case, this guy apparently have 2 aunts that have mental disorder or you could call them crazy. And my mother afraid that after marriage, the crazyness of the aunts will affected this guy and cause him to have mental disorder too. And apparently the fact that this guy is shorter than my sister is also not helping LOL And unfortunately he got bankrupt 2 years ago and he still not recover financially. Well of course I never interfere with my sister's choice as long as she's happy then fine by me. Unfortunately my mother has different opinion. What do you think ? Any suggestions ?

I have never heard of insanity being genetic. I wonder if there is any scientific evidence to support that. It doesn't really seem fair to hold his relatives mental health against him. And sorry to say but height as an objection simply sounds shallow. What is more important how tall he is or how much they love each other and how well they treat each other? I'm sure there are plenty of taller guys your sister could be unhappy with. I really can't say I blame your sister for refusing to dump him for those reasons.

the problem with my sister's bf is that i guess he felt intimidated by mother and my family because his family thinks very highly of my family. And I dunno why do they think highly of us. I guess he has a real low self-esteem if he has to talk to my family and all. In their relationship, my sister is the most agresive and autoritative one. As a matter of fact, I recall that all my aunts and women from my mother's family always have control over their husband LOL

Well in my sister's case, this guy is not abusive only he has 2 aunts that have mental disorder, shorter than my sister and got bankrupt 2 years ago and still not recover financially. You could see my reply to Jenius for more details LOL What would you do if you're in my sister's shoe ?

wow that's very lucky of you. Did your mother still disapprove your husband now ? how does she reacts toward your daughter ? Any problem between her and your parent-in-law ?