Doing The Dirty Deed
By Brian
@wolfie34 (26771)
United Kingdom
July 17, 2007 12:06pm CST
It's a wonder I manage to sleep, yes I am full of turmoil, but I am also full of plans, full of underhand tactics to plan my eventual escape, making sure that loose ends are tied up and that I leave no incriminating evidence behind.
One of my options which I'm tempted to do is to book myself a holiday abroad in October, I have taken stuff over to my parents each visit so as not to arouse suspicious, extra clothes, a few books, cds small things that I highly value that won't be missed!
The only thing I have left of value is my computer which I can't leave behind, but I have also worked that out too, just before I plan to leave for my holiday the computer develops a fault and I have to take it to a computer shop to get fixed (my parents) so problem solved.
I do have a little put by which he doesn't know about and it will be cloak and dagger stuff as I sow seeds in his head, I have mentioned a friend who is getting married in Rhodes in October, I've always fancied Rhodes (although now I found out that it is cold in Rhodes in October grrrr!) and this friend has invited me to her wedding and has sent me tickets!
Otherwise he'll wonder where I've got the money from. Then I leave him with the rest of stuff packed as tho it's holiday stuff and that's it I fly off to Rhodes and mysteriously DISAPPEAR!
It will also give me a great deal of confidence because I have never flown on my own before, in fact if truth be known I am petrified of flying! It will also give me the confidence of going to a strange country on my own.
It will then give me a boost in confidence and I would have escaped, no nasty confrontation.
But that is just one idea in the pipeline it is of course the 'Cowards Way Out'
I have been working on other ideas as well.
Lately he has put on the charm and asked me to tell him how he could change to make me happier and now I feel even guiltier for planning my escape! He says he feels very insecure with me because I told him I felt trapped, he has a lot of debt and if I left him he would be in a horrendous situation, it would also mean rehousing the cats although he put it in a different way which I won't mention as I find it upsetting.
So that's my latest news.....
Plus, I want to thank each and every one of you for your tremendous, loving, support, I don't know where I'd be without you and words cannot express just how I feel xxx
11 people like this
19 responses
@mummymo (23706)
•
18 Jul 07
Well sweetheart you know I am here for you anytime you need me. You could always tell him you were visiting us in Scotland - heck you could always move here - i would send him packing! I once had to help a friend disappear from an abusive, obsessive husband but she had to cut off ties from ALL her friends and family - I do hope you do not feel you have to do something similar! I am pleased that you are being sensible and removing things you value. Remember your sister loves you and is always there for you - that is what sisters are for! xxxx
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
18 Jul 07
I loved Scotland as you know I did two big tours, in 1996 and 2006. I loved Inverness and the surrounds. I think I would have to have it out with him because it's true that I would be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life and it wouldn't be fair on my parents because he will play dirty, very very dirty xxxx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
18 Jul 07
you know what honey I think it would be better if you had your plans in place and everything sorted and then let him know (with others present) that you are leaving and that you want nothing more to do with him, if he contacts or harasses you or your parents you /they will take legal action and let the authorities no what is happening! He senses you getting stronger and more confident - that is why he is being charming! These are only my opinions but you know I will only be honest with you and I hate the idea of you always having to look over your shoulder! xxx
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
17 Jul 07
Wolfie as tou know I am a bit behind here and no doubt I will get to the other ones soon but I do get the drift here what is going on
Do me a favor do not fall for it, as it is a plan on his Part, he needs you because of his Debts and that is why he is putting the Guilt trip on you Sweetie, that is how I see it from this end. My Ex Husband did it to me only because he wanted the best of both Worlds and did not fancy doing his washing and that well the charm did not work on me so he got nasty instead
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
17 Jul 07
He needs me far more than I need him and yes he does get nasty when things don't work in his favour, it's all quid pro quo and all time he gets his way he's ok, as soon as I say NO he changes, he used to lose his temper and storm upstairs now he plays clever he hides his anger by using his assertiveness skills against me.
2 people like this
@shambuca (2524)
• United States
20 Jul 07
Wow- you made a huge turn around and if you are happy I am happy- so I guess we won't be hearing from you for a while when you go till you get settled. If you ever decide to pass through New Jersey - give me a ring- we'll head out for the beach (that is if it's summertime) and if it's winter we can take a road trip to the mountains. You seem like such a fun guy I'd love to hang out with you and I must say I have been enjoying your recent posts..they are filled with intrigue. Keep those stories coming.
1 person likes this
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Sweetie, i wish you the best of luck in your escape. i know how unhappy you have been and hopefully the change of venue and getting away from this man will help you. You are being very sly about how you are getting out, and i think that is the best thing you could do. i just hope it is a clean break and that he doesn't end up making things miserable for you in the end.
@raydene (9871)
• United States
19 Jul 07
Wolfie, It sounds so fun. All this mystery and planning this adventure. I think the planning will be as much fun as carrying it out. Good luck Buddy, You sound wonderful...DO NOT FEEL GUILTY..that is a game he is playing to keep you under his thumb! Whenever you feel bad remind yourself of how you were feeling with his manipulating, heavy handed ways and you will soon not feel so guilty. Just remember he has been reaping and soon he will sow what he has earned. This may be as good for him as you because he can not really be happy when his whole life is being rude then kiss up before it's too late ...then when you are securelly under thumb he is miserable to you until he fears you may bolt then back to kissing up to you...He can not be happy..
Sweets I wish you well and hope...no KNOW that everything will be better soon.
Hugs
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
20 Jul 07
I have become to change in more ways than one and that is unsettling, he keeps asking me am I happy in the family? I am actually singing and I'm not depressed, people have noticed the 'change' and he is apologizing all the time now for being tired, grouchy, and it's all sickly sweet! Thanks my friend x
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
17 Jul 07
I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter in your saga. When I read your posts wolfie, by comparison my life is surely mundane. You must read a book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". I think you'd find it very helpful. Unwittingly, you are boosting your own confidence by making all these plans that you'll have no choice but to carry out. I wish you all the luck in the world, and am anxious to hear how things work out.
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I wish you the best of luck- I don't know you that well as I just found you and befriended you- I don't understand why you don't leave now? If you are very unhappy- and I know you are- isn't it possible to leave now? Are you afraid that he will hurt you? Is there somewhere you can go for help? I wish I could help you out- as I feel really bad that you are dealing with a controlling person-
Best of luck- sounds like you have your plan all workder out- I just hope he doesn't ever come to mylot and read it all-
@dragonstar13 (1465)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Good for you, Wolfie. You need to get out of there. Don't fall for his mister nice guy routine. He is attempting to manipulate you, play along so he doesn't get suspicious but don't let yourself get caught in the trap. Don't think he will change, any change will be only temporary till he gets his way, then it will all go back to the way it is right now. (Been there, done that, wanna see my T-shirt?)
Most important, don't think that you are responsible for this situation, or for him. And don't ever think that in anyway you deserve this crap. You are a good person, Wolfie, move on and live your life.
Good luck and hugs. Keep us informed.
1 person likes this
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
17 Jul 07
Well my friend, - I'm not sure that you will like what I'm going to say - but I don't so much like your plan. If you are really going to start the rest of your life, and move on to a happier chapter, then please don't start it with a lie. Face the guy - tell him honestly that you are leaving. If necessary have some other person that you trust with you when you do it, just in case things get ugly. If not, I fear you will spend the rest of your life looking back, wondering "what if", maybe looking over your shoulder, - not to mention what this man may do to your family or anyone who may be able to trace you - nad I know you would feel guilty about the cats too. A decision to move out is not a bad thing - people who share houses do it all the time, and I think it is better to come clean, be honeat, and be upfront, - or else you risk starting your new life with a whole lot more emoptional baggage than you already have, and in a worse place financially and residentially than you were before. Sorry if that hurts you - you know I always speak as I feel - and I think honestly is ALWAYS the best policy or it can backfire. Good luck anyway.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
17 Jul 07
I value your honesty my good friend and I have indeed taken this into consideration that is why I have spoke to my parents about it, they have told me there is always a home for me there, but that is not an option at the moment. I know where you are coming from and I did try to find a 'neutral' advocate but it's not as easy as that. He will pull every dirty trick in the book if I confront him or not!
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
19 Jul 07
Hold on to your resolve, dear wolfie, and don't let the charm fool you. The most vital element of having finally come to a decision is to carry it through. Your plan sounds feasible enough, but continue to work on it. You will have a whole new lease on life once you make your move.
@cmsk2005 (1770)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Fantastic wolfie!! So we are going to miss you a while? you are lucky you have such friends and you are invited to a special ceremoney so I am sure u are going to enjoy a lot out there... so have you started packing.....hahaha....its still July? I had my holidays already over but not abroad I was in Southampton and the southcoast last few days....it is hard to start again after these holidays right? But now you are in a mood for a big one.....so get some nice pics from there
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Don't fall for the charm. Do what you have to do for you, he's gotta take care of himself with or without you. Don't let what his situation will be with you gone influence you. It sounds like you've got it all worked out and you know what you're doing. It's not the cowards way out -- confrontation can be dangerous, you're taking care of you, and that's the important thing.
1 person likes this
@granger1900 (125)
• United States
18 Jul 07
You are to be applauded for your fine planning and decisions. I looked at some of your other posts regarding mental abuse, and think you are being very wise in the way you are doing this. I urge you to continue your safety planning. The situation and relationship you are escaping is clearly abusive. In the U.S., we have confidential services available for victims of abuse. Note: abuse does not have to be physical to be abuse. I'm guessing you might have similar services where you live where they might be able to assist you with safety planning and emotional support. It might be helpful for you to know how to file for a harassment restraining order in the event your "friend" persists in trying to have unwanted contact with you when you return from Rhodes.
@eaforeman6 (8979)
• United States
17 Jul 07
I wish you great happiness. You have the right to go on with your life and you are the only one who can best judge the situation on how to do that. Wishing you all the happiness in the world and all the best to you. Best wishes my friend....
@vampoet (825)
• Singapore
18 Jul 07
So you wana run away, a husband who cares enough to ask, heavy in debt, and house a litter of cats. Your story in a nutshell. lol. Well, we all need a break sometimes and a holiday is a great idea. Since he asked, tell him you need a holiday. But change it to Bahamas or some sunny place where the snow is banned. lol
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I had to go back and read your other posts to understand just what you are escaping. You have let this man get away with far too much. I agree that you do need to get away from it. Good luck and don't be so concerned with his well being. I'm sure he will fare just fine. Right now you need to worry about you.
