Spanking ... Why the Dirty Looks

Oh c'mon! there is a spank, and there is abuse. There's a huge gap between the two. One is done as a correction in a calm way the other is done in anger as retribution. I was a battered child and I know the difference.

So, I am to alter my day, my plans, my shopping trip because she has been disrespectful? What does that teach her? It teaches her that she can behave that way and I'll simply sulk away and in some way bend to her will (she was acting this way because she didn't want to be there ... we'd already completed shopping for the items she needed).

I completly agree. If you let your kids start pushing you around when they are younger, it will only drive them further to see how far they can puch you as they grow.

my view about spanking is 50/50 on both sides. Sometimes you really need to spank your child to let them know that they are being punished or it is the consequence of what they did. I am a psychology graduate, and in school I learn when and when not to spank. I hit my brother very often during my high school days. As he grew up he began hating me everytime I get angry. By the time I stopped hitting him, he is either afraid to tell me something or rebels some more. I believe i the absence of the father is what cause is rebel attitude or at least they need a good cop-bad cop treatment. There are some altenative punishment that can be done especially with the childs age. I maybe not a mother but I was hoping I could share some experiences and observations that I have when it comes to punishing children. I still have a lot to tell. just ask...

by the way the dirty looks on those peoples faces may be a warning not to hit your child in public. Warning will do or a word that he/she will be punished at home will be done.

What respect will your child have for you if you leave all the punishment up to your husband? and I think it makes him look like the bad guy all the time,not a fair profile for the husband.

The spanking i remember that i got from my father was a very, very painful whack on my butt and legs. He used the wooden stick of a feather duster. Whenever my younger sister and I have gotten to a kicking, screaming and pulling of hair fight, our father comes in armed with the feather duster. He made us lie on our stomach and alternately whacked us on the butt and legs. He only did it once or twice. But i remembered his face after that spanking. He was clearly upset by what he did but he had to do it.

You are right about what the Bible says about disciplining our children. The Bible does encourage it BUT IN A RIGHT WAY. I don't see anything wrong with a good spanking too. But unfortunately, my husband doesnt agree with me on that part. Whenever our son does his "pushing" thing with his cousin , my husband lets me do my good spanking, which is a firm slap on the hand. But my husband makes it very plain to me through his facial expression that what i'm doing is not helpful. I believe in good spanking but as long as i can discipline my child verbally, i dont do it. Good spanking is my last resort when verbal discipline doesnt work anymore.

I don't think that a light tap on the knuckles or a quick bop on the bum will necessarily psychologically scar a child but I do think it gives the wrong message to children and to be honest I also think it's lazy parenting. Time-out and explanations etc require a bit more effort than physical punishment. My grandaughter is the same age as your son and is also at the "hitting out" stage but the idea that the best punishment for doing that is to then hit her (even if it is just a light tap) just doesn't make sense to me. Of course she wouldn't understand explanations but she already knows what the word "no" means. I do actually think that children need discipline. I'm not anti-discipline at all and in fact, although I never hit my daughter, I was a pretty strict parent as she frequently tells me now she's an adult! I just don't think hitting children is an appropriate or effective way to administer it.

Personally I think a combination of various different methods is the best discipline of all. I don't think it's necessarily lazy to 'smack' your child but I don't think it should be done on its own- i don't think that would achieve anything... My son understands the word NO, but thinks he can do it again and again, because he doesnt understand the consequences of his actions- he thinks oh, cool, this gets a reaction- doesnt matter if its a negative or positive reaction, and the other alternative to that is to do nothing, which I do not agree with- others may, but I feel ignoring a behaviour is reinforcing it. I think there are different opinions, different styles on this subject. And I dont think there is any one right or wrong answer. I think different approaches work for different children, but the only thing that annoys me is when people who do not agree with smacking (the kind I am referring to) call it child abuse or physical abuse. I don't agree with that at all. I think as my son gets older and begins to understand more I will be less likely to use any form of smacking and more inclined to use time out and explanations, but I think discipline needs to be age appropriate. Also, just to clarify- I do not believe in smacking for any old thing... When he throws a tantrum (fun age lol) I let him scream it out while I watch him and ignore him, standing over him. I can make sure he's safe, but he gets no reaction from me. Once he stops crying, I pick him up. If he touches something he is not allowed, for example, a power point, I move him away from the danger and tell him no, and distract him with something else. BUT if he hits me or someone else, then he gets that rap/ bop I am talking about. At the end of the day, I think it is an individuals choice as to how they choose to discipline their child (within reason) and I think we all need to listen to others perspectives and be tolerant of them. Different cultures, different upbringings, different family/ sociological environments mean to me, that there will be differences in the way we approach things. I just dont think discipline should be confused with abuse. (Sorry for rambling :D )

Look I dont want to fight with anyone, so once again, let me reiterate my point that I am not trying to be a smart@$$... I agree with some of the points you made, and I can see the logic behind most of it. However one thing I would like to address is the idea of assault. If I gave you 'cheek' on the street and you slapped me, yes thats assault- you're right. BUT if I had come up to you on the street and hit you, and you had of hit me back (which lets be honest, most people if hit will hit back) then I would be charged with assault. I do not believe in smacking to hurt (please see my response above for more details) or smacking for any old thing (again I wont repeat myself its in my above post) but a light tap to show a child that this is what you did to me, now do you see why it isnt acceptable? kind of discipline, makes sense to me... I think discipline should be age appropriate. Anyway, just my opinion, and just something that came to mind when I read your post.

I have to admit I'm alittle lost. Perhaps I didnt phrase my point clearly enough. If I give you cheek (as in talk back to you) and you hit me yes thats assault. If I hit you, and you hit me back- I have assaulted you even though you retaliated with ahit. My only point was that I personally wouldnt smack a child, for talking back etc or giving attitude, but I do think if a child young enough hits then it is ok to gently tap them on the bottom (nappy as padding there) or even lighty smack their fingers/hand. I don't agree with you in the sense of any physical contact is assault. If my friedn gives me birthday bashes (punche son the arm) I'm not exactly going to be doing them for assault. In the same context I would also tolerate if a friend play smacked me on the arm, or shook me round if i was being an idiot (which happened when i was younger and drunk). I think it depends on individuals involved, the situation and the context and intention behind the physical context. Now I'm getting on to a more general point of view here. By the way, its actually nice to have someone debate with me rather than getting all huffy and puffy and not agreeing to disagree as often happens here so thanks ;)

But you have just agreed with me then that it is asult. You said that if you gave me 'cheek' in the street & I slapped you iot would be assult...right? Yet in that same breath you say that it is ok to do the same to a CHILD that gives 'cheek' to teach them that it is not ok. Now I am not here to fight. But you cant say that it would be assult if I did slap you, but only dicilpline if it was a child who got the slap..... you cant have it both ways. As an ADULT you should know better than to hit ( even a small smack ) those who are weaker/smaller/younger than you...& should have enough brains to know that any knid of PHYSICAL ABUSE ( that INCLUDES spanking ) is ABUSE.