do you "sugarcoat" or are you brutally honest!?
By elusive01
@elusive01 (55)
Philippines
July 20, 2007 3:45am CST
I have this friend who always speaks her mind regardless of the fact that she hurts other people everytime she opens her big mouth. one time we were all together at a party and there's this girl whom we haven't seen in a really long time and she started asking her embarassing questions in front of everybody!! and she wasnt even aware that some of her jokes and questions were offensive. and when we told her she should shield her claws, she just said she's just being honest about her thoughts on the matter.. we were like.. DUH!! are you dense or what!? anyways, now most of our other friends are avoiding her and she doesnt even realize her big mouth is the cause!! i mean, im all for honesty and bein honest but it's different when your so called honesty is hurting other people's feelings.. what do you guys think?
8 people like this
17 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
21 Jul 07
There is a world of difference between being very honest and completly lacking tact or class! Your friend falls into the latter catagory. If you have to tell someone something that you know may be hurtful but is important they know, there is a way to do it kindly. Also important is to do it privately. Asking embarrassing questions is not being brutally honest...it is being brutally rude and ignorant! Sometimes it is best to just say nothing at all.
@animejosse (256)
• Sweden
20 Jul 07
What your friend did was very rude, and "I was just being honest" is NOT an excuse. Honesty is good, but there is a time and place for everything - it's called "tact". That doesn't mean you have to sugercoat everything, just simply be tactful and THINK about the situation. There's no need to say everything that's on your mind after all.
1 person likes this
@mean_queen (1713)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 07
I agree~! That "I was just being honest" statement just sounded like an excuse to be mean. People can be honest without hurting other's feelings. Even if she can't stand keeping things to herself, it doesn't mean she needs to hurt other people's feelings in the process.
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
20 Jul 07
There's no way anyone would ever accuse me of sugarcoating anything. I am honest, but I am blunt. I am not "brutally honest," I do my best not to hurt people, but if something is the TRUTH I say so. If I need to say something I put it as diplomatically as possible while still being honest.
@elusive01 (55)
• Philippines
23 Jul 07
yah, i totally agree. that's the best way to being honest.. just say your thoughts or opinions in a diplomatic manner.
@CoffeeAnyone (3210)
• Canada
21 Jul 07
For me this question as nothing to do with sugar coating or being brutally honest! It has to do with ignorance and immaturity on your friends part! I feel sorry for people like that!
@ngobis (237)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
I believe in being honest. But your friend's behaviour is crossing the line. She is outright being rude. There is a time and place for everything. If she feels that she has to speak her mind, she should at least try to sugarcoat it or better yet, do it when people are not within earshot so as not to embarass her "victim".
If she cant put other peoples feelings into consideration before opening her mouth, maybe you are better off with another friend.
1 person likes this
@ngobis (237)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
As my father would say. "there is a time and place for everything" I agree that its good for one to be honest, but being brutally honest has its limits. If you are going to saying something to someone that is sure to hurt his/her feelings, especially if it is within earshot of other people, i advice that you should hold your tongue, afterall thats the proper and polite thing to do. (and wait for when you are in a private settings).But if that person is so impulsive and has to "speak her mind" she should at least sugarcoat it.
Part of being in a civilized society, is abiding by certain decorum. And being polite and courteous to others is one of them.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
20 Jul 07
i look at the situation... i don't like to hurt other people's feelings and i always choose my word carefully when i speak... being honest doesn't mean that you have to hurt other people's feelings...
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
20 Jul 07
Okay I'm sorry but the girl you mentioned..wasnt being brutally honest IMO...she was being intentionally mean and to me there is a HUGE DIFFERENCE....I'm brutally honest but NEVER in a vicious, cruel way....I cant stand sugarcoating it drives me nuts and really it doesnt do anyone any good in the end ya know...but one can certainly be brutally honest without being hurtful....
@horsesrule (1957)
• United States
20 Jul 07
I believe in honesty too but the truth can be used as a weapon and that is just plain mean. I have a friend who does that and he thinks that he's just telling it like it is and he doesn't get why people don't like him. He thinks he's just being honest and that he has a right to express his honest opinion about everything. Ha! Sure, if you just want to hurt people and make them hate you!
@wonderful1 (2075)
• China
20 Jul 07
sometimes we have to say some lies, then we can make more and more friends. In some situation, an honest person is not popular in public.
When I work in a small company,I don't know how to communicate with my colleagues. They are all much older than me. Then we have no common topics. They often talk about their family. In our country, most of couples live with their in laws, so daughter-in-law and mother-in-law often get not well with each other. So my colleagues often talk about it when they are free during work time.
@thrishka (63)
• United States
20 Jul 07
I always speak up, but in the right place. If I want to say something that could hurt other people, I say it in private in a less mean way. Okey, I get it that turth hurts but it is not an excuse to say offensive things. Excuse me for the word, but your friend is so tactless in that sense. She should not do that because it's like a sign of disrespect and immaturity. It's okay to speak but be refined.
@arachne (6)
• United States
20 Jul 07
I think that honesty is indeed the best policy, but there is such a thing as tact. There are friends of mine that are pretty blunt with me, and I with them, but we try to safeguard each others' feelings to some degree. You don't need to sacrifice honesty with that. Asking someone embarrassing questions in front of a group of people is not, in my opinion, "just being honest." No matter how close to the truth it is, humiliation is an aggressive act.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
20 Jul 07
i always believe in being honest in a good way. i can be honest to a person without hurting his or her feeling at all. i always try to make my point comprehensive with unhurtful words in it. i explain my side and trying to do it in a nice way. i hate hurting the feelings of others. and so, i watch my mouth and pick the words i need to say... anne
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
20 Jul 07
I am in full agreement with you. I have come across many people with whom I have interacted for a prolonged period, not personally, but in the office or maybe at college. They are just big mouths who think the world’s at their feet and they are the queen/king of all they survey. I assiduously avoid such people because firstly I just can’t answer them back, I just become flustered at their rudeness and secondly because such incidents leave a bad taste in my mouth. But frankly speaking, I have never seen such people become totally isolated. Somehow or the other, they ooze their charms at the right moment and make new acquaintances.
@mari_skye (1637)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
I guess there are situations when honesty is needed and there are times when we need to sugarcoat our words in order to not be so offensive. I guess it is a matter of tact. A keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense; this according to the definition of Merriam and Webster dictionary, is a virtue.
I know of acquaintances that are like your friend, they really do not have many friends to begin with because of their being loud-mouthed. I guess you should explain to her the causes of her actions, if she does not relent; well there are BETTER friends to be had in this world.
