Is the MISTRESS always to be blamed?
By maean_19
@maean_19 (4655)
Philippines
August 6, 2007 9:04pm CST
People usually and always point on their finger to the mistress or otherwise known as "Kabit" in Filipino or Tagalog. She is judged because of committing herself to a married man.
If we see every side of the situtaion, would that judgment be the same?
In my own perception, it is a case to case basis on when to judge the mistress. In the instance that we judge the mistress, we are relieving the married man from having done something wrong. Who initiates the flirting? Flirting and seduction does not always came from or starts from the woman.
In situations like this, most of the time, it is the man who initiates the flirting and seduction, and not the mistress. Sometimes, misrepresentation of one's self is a factor. For instance, the man would say, "i am single", "i like you", "do you have a boyfriend", etc.
People misjudge these mistresses without knowing the real story behind. I understand them when they fell in love with married man, not because they allowed themselves to fall. They fell into a trap like in situation where man fell into temptations.
To all the mistresses out there, I want to share and teach you something. If people misjudge you and accuse you, tell them that you are a MRS. of so and so. Mrs. stands for mistress and that does not differ you from the real one. The only difference is, she is recognized by law as the legal mistress. lol
1 person likes this
21 responses
@bluishrose (2289)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
In every infidelity situation the mistress is always blamed at first... but when we get into the picture and look deeper the mistress is just a victim. If we look more deeper the problem always start between the couple, the man looks for another girl because of reasons like her wife lacks something or not satisfied. Sometimes the reason is that the wife doesnt take care of her husband. Sometimes there are times when the man finally left her wife for the mistress, then their relationship last forever. Everybody makes mistakes and some people make mistakes in terms of marriage. Maybe its nobody's fault because some people are really meant to be.
2 people like this
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
9 Aug 07
You have a point there. It's actually a case to case basis. Like integers, a negative + a negative integers equals positive. Though people perceive things like two wrongs does not make it right. But, there are really situations like that, the mistress and the ex married man lasts. Sometimes we call it destiny - it binds them even how much you suppress or control it.
@beckish (641)
• United States
7 Aug 07
I think both parties are equally to blame. Marriage is a commitment, and in my opinion if one or the other wants to be with someone else, they should end the marriage. Cheating is cheating. The "mistress" is wrong to be sleeping with a married man, and the married man is wrong to be cheating on his wife. It is a lose-lose situation.
@singlemommyforever (97)
• Philippines
12 Nov 07
Thou shalt not commit adultery....just remember this...
At first day or first week or first month..not knowing that the guy is a family man if fine..but after you'd realized that he is already married...what will you do??
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
27 Dec 10
If I would be in the situation and am the mistress, no matter how much I love the man, I would give him up. I do not want to be a reason of a family break up or separation. More so when there are children involved. But I think, I would speak with the real or legal wife to resolve her issues with the husband and make up. Perhaps, I would even try to make them close again. 
(Oppps! Am not sure if I can do that though.)
(Oppps! Am not sure if I can do that though.)
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
7 Aug 07
I think people so too quick to judge the other woman, because in reality, she couldn't have done anything if the guy hadn't have let her in the first place. It takes two to tango, so both are at fault. I can understand people not wanting to believe a married man would be willing to resort to a mistress because he's supposed to be married and not supposed to cheat on his wife. However, it happens all the time. The man needs to start taking responsibility for his actions.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
28 Dec 10
I understand your opinions there and I appreciate for sharing it. But I want to point out too that yes, maybe the wife has a problem that lead the husband to cheat or have an affair. Say, he wants a new smell, a new sweetness. Or say, that the wife lacks attention to her husband. If that is the scenario, does that justifies the husband to have an affair?
@neilgian (20)
• Philippines
10 Aug 07
Men tend to look for something that they cannot find in their wifes. It's like having the same old viand over and over, at some point, you would want to crave for something new, a new smell, a new look and a new taste... and when the time comes that you got that chance, you would look for it every now and then until you get used to looking for something new everyday.
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10559)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
is the mistress always to be blamed? yes is my answer specially if she knows the man she is having a relation is married. well of course they will not call mistress if the man is single...
once a lady knows that her partner is married even if it hurts it is the time to end a relationship before it goes deep. because if she will insist then people will really blame her. this is a no win fight. even she fight for it it will always be her who gets hurt in the end.
@jHoEn16 (2043)
• Australia
8 Aug 07
man are flirt... that is thier common words just to hook woman eventhough they are married... but if we woman would let ourselves fall for that man without even knowing about him, well thats a different story...
for sure we will be the looser at the end?
im not saying that i am perfect. i am not.. but i did experienced that before already... if i did follow my heart, i am a MISTRESS now. but i didnt coz i know that i will destroy 1 family...
forgive me for asking this, are you a mistress?
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
9 Aug 07
I had anticipated that one may ask that question.
By the way, my answer is NO. Though I'd been there before. Luckily, my brain is bigger than my boobs. lol. I din't allow myself to be hooked and stuck in a relationship without consistency nad thinking that If the guy cheats his legal wife, tendency is he can likewise cheats on me.
We made it and got over it.
@rebeccamariereyes (36)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
Hi maean_19! I can relate to your post because I was once a product of a broken family due to a third party. In my own opinion, I think that we can't blame if a married man is having an affair to another woman. In my case, I could say that my mother has also a share of the blame. She lacks time for us. She is always busy with work and with our business. So, I really can't blame my dad for having a mistress. I believed that my father deprived of attention, care and love. And my mother is not aware of that. Making money is more important to her rather than her family.
Although having a mistress is bad or considered a sin, I think we also need to consider some situations before judging who's to blame. :)
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
9 Aug 07
I knew some who have the same situation that you have and half could accept the situation and the other half could not accept it. In your case, I can sense that you accepted it and take the situation with open mind. That is nice because those who could not accept it sometimes lose control and rebellious. They end up ruining their lives and committing the same mistake like their parents.
The discussion was based on my observation and having dealt with people who were into the same situation.
1 person likes this
@rebeccamariereyes (36)
• Philippines
10 Aug 07
i agree. I already accepted the situation and I am also an open minded person. Eversince I knew that the relationship won't work out because my parents are always fighting over money, work, etc. I already prepared myself for the situations.
On the other hand, being a product of a broken family helps me also in terms of improving my personality. I am able to deal with different situations, I knew how to handle relationships with utmost care and respect. I made the realizations after I witness the break up of my parents.
Thanks a lot for responding... Take care all the time..
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
7 Aug 07
I think the sanctity of a marriage should never be invaded by an outsider-be it a man or a woman. I have no sympathy for the mistress in this kind of situation. She always has the choice to say no when a married man approaches her. The same goes for a married woman. People don't just fall into these situations-they create them.
1 person likes this
@sandwedge (1339)
• Malaysia
7 Aug 07
the mistress is always to blame. poor mistress. i, on the other hand thinks the man is to be blame. HE is MARRIED, and he is responsible for his actions.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
22 Aug 07
Still a mistress because there still an impediment which still binds the legal wife and the man, unless they become "legally separated" that makes a difference.
Because in law, the mistress is not the wife. The legal wife and the man only cease to be called hisband and wife when their marriage are declared to be null and void.
@sharonercastillo (888)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
it takes two to tango my friend...
unless the married man lied and pretend to be single to a woman, then the mistress is not to blame....
but if they both knew the situation beforehand, they know having an affair is wrong...
mistress are often blame mainly because the last decision is actually hers..if she knew she was being pursued by a married man, she could have say no...i'm saying this because i am a woman, and its always is a woman's decisions...
1 person likes this
@angel_of_charm (4134)
• Philippines
9 Aug 07
there are some mistress that we don't know the real story how they become mistresses..sometimes woman believed on lies and did not know the man they are into are already married and had their own family..i know some and they just got in a trouble they didn't want to..
@caixia0911 (55)
• China
7 Aug 07
Every good woman just don't wanna be that person who is in the way of happy family.Maybe people see the mistress as a evil woman sometimes,but how can we know if there is another secret?
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
22 Aug 07
The real person to blame in these cases are the cheating partner. It's not always a mistress, since men aren't the only ones to chat. A husband's cheat and a wife's cheat or a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend are all to blame, even more than the people they are cheating with. The people cheating are the ones who broke their committments.
@phayeth (519)
• Philippines
17 Aug 07
well, ur right.. the mistress is not always to blame co'z there are some mistresses didn't know that the man is married, but in my case i know that his married.. but still i go through with it.. mybe co'z i want to save the friendship me and that person had.. i'm not inlove with the guy.. but i just care for him as a friend.. :D
@mistissa (1349)
• Netherlands
10 Aug 07
There are definitely two people to blame. It is the mistress fault also if she knows about the wife or girlfriend. If she does not know she is blame free. But the boyfriend/husband who is cheating has most of the blame. He is the one who has a commitment to his partner after all.
@shafernando (2)
• Philippines
3 Sep 07
girl ive been there and its a HELL! who's who is not soo important question...why do we ask ourselves instead "Am i really happy"? pointing fingers to one another is a waste of time...just look up if someone up there is pointing his finger on you,for you to make life's gratest change!
@lyamsitiy (104)
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
I understand your point. There are married men that really are irresistible and women who are gullible, so if those two meet up, 3rd party begins. Most people dislikes the mistresses because most of them, even though they knew that the man is married they still want to be in a relationship with that man. For me, if the lady knew that the man is married and still decided to enter into a relationship then she can't say that its not her fault. I always believe that the woman always controls the relationship at first because even though hoe persistent a man is if the lady rejects then nothing can happen. :)
