Is this really fair?

I think its a guy thing. Fair? no , not at all. Still I have never met a guy who would even consider caring for me when I have been sick. I have always been the one to nurture and care for my guy as well as my kids. When I have been sick, I have always had to carry on as normal. I am sure there are guys that really do jump in and take over so that wife or girlfriend can rest. I just haven't met them.

I think you married my husbands twin! It's not unusual for him to do crap like that. It's infuriating. He was packing to go on a business trip the other day and didn't even want to grab his own sock and underwear. I must look like a maid!

Everything is wrong with that picture, sorry to say. All I can say without being mean and nasty is next time he gets sick, let him be and then make time to book in a massage, manicure and pedicure and or spa and or visit with family far far away from home. When you return you will feel refreshed and pampered. Time to get the kids to do something about the household chores too! You need looking after too Pat!!! It's about high time you had a vacation as I often hear its your husband that goes off alone and then plays golf all day! ENOUGH is ENOUGH.. Time to do something for YOU period!

Yeah, some guys think the "sickness and in health" means you not him. That's because he think - in some odd ball way - that you are not his "partner" but his "parent." Honey - its time to wake up and smell the coffee - you need to tell him that just because he works outside the home, doesn't mean that you are going to be his mother inside the home. If he wants mom, he needs to move back to her. If he wants a spouse, a partner, then he needs to step up to the plate & deliver.

What is wrong is that somewhere down the line you portrayed the fact that this is okay. He feels that this is your job to take care of him when he is sick, not the other way around. You must sit down and tell your husband how you really feel about this, and make no bones about it, you will not stand for this sort of treatment. If he still doesn't believe you, go on strike. Still cook for your kids if you have any, but make sure there is none left for him. Don't clean. Just stop doing everything. After he sees this he may get angry, but tell him that you are tired of being the only one cooking and cleaning and sometimes, even though he works, you need help.

Hi patgalca! That is really unfair. I do sympathize with you because sometimes guys are insensitive with us. They think we can do everything without their help in anything. They think we are superwoman. But I think it is time maybe for you to make some demands and put your foot down. Well, this is just my point of view. Take care and have a nice day. Glad to know you're feeling better.

To be honest, I think you should go on strike. Sometimes men just don't understand, and they get selfish and just figure that other people can do the work. I listed out all the work I do, and listed out all the work my husband did, and showed him the list. He understood a bit better. And then I just stopped doing certain tasks, and they didn't get done. Men count on the fact that other people (their wives) will eventually do things. Mine waited until he had no clean socks, no clean towels, etc. I just shrugged and said that I had other things to do and that if he noticed these things, he should deal with them.

Hi pataglca! I know how your feeling. I use to fall all over my husband when he was sick. Not any more and for that reason. Fair is fair. And I know he realizes it now. I dont like being like that but sometimes you just have to to get it through to them. Men!LOL

It's not fair and you know it. But the fact it is only up to YOU to solve it. If you permit that your husband is so lazy and does nothing to help you, it'll be cause you permit him to be that way. If i were you i'd let him know how things have to be seriously, and if he says no, then don't do them yourself either..maybe that way he will realize that things don't do themselves, osmeone has to do them.

That is so incredibly horrible! Why are so many men like this? i'm not saying ALL men are, but a lot of them are. my father is just like this. When he isn't feeling perfect, he acts like a complete baby and totally milks it, making everyone around him hear about it and do everything for him. When my mother feels like crap, does he offer her the courtesy of taking care of things? Nope. Of course not. He completely ignores it. Doesn't give it a second thought. Same thing if i am in a bad way. He has basically no compassion for what other peope are feeling. It's not that he is a bad man or anything. he is a really really really GOOD man, he just doesn't have any empathy.

You know that part in the wedding vows about "in sickness and in health"...husbands seem to think that means in THEIR SICKNESS and in YOUR health.

What can I say? Hmm!!! I'm not married, but I do think I hear a lot of this sort of complaint. There are guys out there (and I do know quite a few) who are more than happy to help with certain things like the cooking, but who may not do all the housework. Anyways, my point is maybe you need to talk to him about it. Ask him to be honest, and if something was to happen to you ask him what he'd do? How would he handle the housework. You could let him know that you would like him to spend time helping you in the house. I know housework is a stress, you can point out it's hard to do that twenty four hours a day seven days a week. My point is if his behaviour is stressing you out ultimately that stress will have an effect on your marriage and he's going to have to realise that if he wants the marriage to go more smoothly, just as how you make every effort to make him happy, he needs to make every effort to make you happy and you have to do the whole family / responsibility thing together. This is not a solution, just an opinion on how you could try to talk to him about it. It's not something I think will happen overnight. It's something that will take time and also, at the end of the day, when it comes to marital problems though, there's one thing a lot of people have told me when it comes to relationship advice. That is, very often, problems arise between two people because, they each have characteristics that annoy the other and instead of looking within themselves to discover the cause of their discomfort with the issue, they instead, try to change the other person (and in that way, may be seen as trying to control the other person) and the other person, in response, rejects those attempts. Anyways, that's just my two cents worth.

no i don't think its fair..when one is in trouble the very person who can ease the trouble in simplest way was the significant other or if they don't have at least the family first..it seems to be so unfair when you had done everything you can to ease their pain and when your in pain no one wants to be there with you.. i was in the same shoe, you,see i was dealing with heart complications and goiter..and nope, no family had looked after me when i was there when they are sick..i send them to check up when they feel something..i paid for it..if they have to be admitted i took care of them..needless to say i took care of all bills as well..i don't leave them as far as i am convinced they are totally okae and now what?! nothing! no one inside my family is looking after me now..no hi and hello..no knocking on the door..no one who can cook not even soup for me..no one to take care of my house chores for a while..no one..nobody..nothing..so i stop caring..so they would feel what i was feeling now..its sucks and it makes me sick..i am tired and no..no more of a nice girl..

I think it is absolutely unfair. I can not take such a behaviour from my husband. I think you should communicate all this problems with your hubby and make him realize his fault. I hope he changes. Marriage is all about helping eachother and being there for eachother. Best wishes to you.

Your husband obviously doesn't see your pain as being as important as his...plus men are so whiny when they hurt. Has he ever expressed an opinion about believing women should do the work around the house? If so, pop him in the head with a skillet and tell him to get over himself and clean the dang dishes.

Does he do this often? Do you have kids, young kids? Either he is (a) completely selfish and unlikely to change in which case you should leave him or throw him out or (b) he just doesn't understand that you were sick and needed him. In which case verbal communication should do the trick. If communication does not work, then (a) applies.

There's something terribly wrong in that picture. I can't imagine a husband like that. All he wants is leisure and no responsibility. He sounds like a teenager! To answer your question, no that is not fair.

Well its the job of a wife, you cannot say its fair or unfair life is not fair always.

I feel your pain. I know men are big babies (no offense anyone) when it comes to them being hurt or sick. Yet when it sticks us, they still expect us to do all the daily chores and then some. I have been through that in the past myself. I will have to admit and say that it ended in Divorce and now I am married to a guy that is so thoughtful and he helps me out when I am sick or have backpain. I suffer from arthritis of the spine. So I have a lot of days with backpain. It takes communication and letting the other know that you are in too much pain or are too sick to do it. They have to know what it is like for you. I will tell your husband that he is not being fair to you and you deserve more respect than that. Don't over do it, if you are sick, leave things dirty. He will either clean it up for you or it can sit there. I would tell him how this all makes you feel. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

hello! wake up everything it's wrong with that picture and you but only you are responsible for his behaivor you have to teach him and by doing that don't dishes dirty any more, i hope you are following this, first of all if you have kids make sure you cook for the kids and you eat before he gets home and clean the kitchen if he wants to be part of the family he have to help probably it sounds terrible to you but he would get the picture also plan a local trip and go somewhere for 2 or 3 days and the same day you get back go out do your nails and eat out. good luck