When people don't want to be hugged or held close, what could this mean?

Thank you for the cyber Hugs. That was very nice..Hugs to you too!

Ohhh...I fOrgOt........... ****HHHHUUUUUUUUGGGGGSSSSSSSS*** to you my friend! that one okay?? *smile* mwahugs!

I always have to remember to be careful around them, because i am the most affectionate person on Earth,lol. It sounds like you have a grip on where this issue comes from for yourself.Have you ever tried to get help or do you feel you need any?I am simply curious, because I never want to over step my bounds with the person I know, so,I like ideas on how to help ,if I can, she seems like she'd like to step out of her protective barrier sometimes.

I am on depression meds but I haven't seen a specialist. I almost think that I don't what to know and sometimes I do. I don't want the past to be my focus, I would rather look ahead. Counseling means going back to my past and I don't want to go there. I think if I could go there then I would get over this...I guess I am scared....Thank you for your response.

Thank you. There isn't any pain with mine. I think mine goes a lot deeper than that emotionally. What you said does make alot of sense to me.

this could be it for they are big and we are little kids they didnt realized it hurt and this is probably why ya cant stand to be huged. But hugs from me any how lol now that didnt hurt did it?

No big Aunts or smelly people. I did have an uncle that would tickle me and it actually hurt.

Nope, cyber hugs are just fine. Thank you so much..HUGS!!!

Hi there pea pod partner...*smiles*...In some ways I do understand what you are saying. It definitely is fear. I feel like I am suffocating. I get scared and want to cry.. Thank you for your response, and for being there for me..I lub you.

I lub you too sweetie.

Hi Blue, I do think that is a big part of it. How are you doing with everything? I hope that things are going good for you...

I am doing good now I still have a tendancy to putt away once in awhile but my husband 3 months ago prooved to me he is not going anywhere and he doesn't really intentially go out of his way to hurt me..We are really happy and really close we, when he has done something to bother me or I feel the need to pull away I will tell him how I'm feeling.

that is very possible hun you might have that fear deep down inside you and it's perfectly natural that when something happens unexpectly like that we do not know how to react when we find things or people that make us happy again.

Yes that does make alot of sense. Thank you for responding.

I do agree with you rogue13. Thank you for your response.

It is kinda hard to explain. I don't want it when I need it the most, like when I am sad. It is kinda weird but It is just the way we feel.

Thank you for your response TheCatzMeow1. This does make alot of sense.

I am so glad I am not alone. I would rather be left alone too, even when I cry. I have always been like this too..

I do believe you are right. I love my husband with all my heart and I want his attention but I just can't get myself to accept it. One time I tried really, really hard to let him hug me for a longer time than usual and I almost starting crying. I got so overwhelmed that I didn't do it again. Thank you for your response.

Feona I think that Whyaskq has is the right idea. That was the firts thing that came to my mind when I began to read your discussion. I think it's good that you posted about this and now you can see you are not alone and that others are experiencing what you do. I hope that you find some comfort in talking with those who are like yourself and maybe you can eventually find an answer or a solution. Best wishes :)

Sorry to bring back your past sad. Perhaps it is time to overcome the fear and enjoy the hugs. Hugs from loved ones can be theraptic in nature. Live to enjoy life :)

That is quite a traumatic thing for you to have gone through, and I can understand your logic in not wanting to hug as a fear of getting too close. Funny thing is, my wife who hasn't lost anyone as close as a hubby, checks me also, all the time. There are times I get a hug in the middle of the night, while sleeping, just cos she couldn't hear me breathing!

If anything, it's strange you aren't always hugging your hubby now, but as I said, I understand you're logic. You've both had it tough, but as long as things are going along good, albeit the pain, I hope it continues along happily!

We have a great relationship. It isn't that I don't hug him it is just very brief when it happens. I try very hard to hug him everyday...I just don't hang all over him...LOL...As long as I am the doer then it is okay..

Thank you abbamoney.

Thank you for your response. I am trying really hard to change this but I find it really difficult...

I feel bad that I am this way with my husband. He doesn't take it personally because he knows me. I have tried to change but I just can't. Thank you for your response.

I like the way you said, "I'm not without intense feelings and emotions just because I don't want somebody rubbing or grabbing me. I feel the same way. We have a King size bed so that is a good thing. I have alot of space and don't have to worry that my hubby might get too close. I love him dearly and feel really bad when he wants to hold me and I will let him only for a little while..It is nice to know that others feel like this..I didn't think there was anything "wrong" with me. My hubby doesn't take it personally, he knows that I love him very much. Thank you for sharing with me.

Thank you Windrunner. I do believe it comes from my past and knowing why would be good but reliving the past would be even more painful I think..Thank you for your response.

Thanks! I've come to terms and really couldn't start to really let go and get back to living my life as me until I learned to forgive both myself and the man (though he'll never know it) and now I find myself not just looking foward to one day having a total romantic relationship (as soon as they quit making men who think commitment is the boogie man that is, lol). Personal space is different for everybody and sometimes our bodies tell us things that our minds aren't ready to hear or acknowledge and it manifests (sp?) itself in various ways that often include our interaction with others. You mentioned your late husband, maybe, and I'm just saying maybe, if it started somewhere around that time then somewhere inside you, you must've felt like someone else touching you was an invation of his memory. And so a tiny bit of resentment formed at anyone who wasn't him, kind of like an "you can't take his place, how dare you try" to anyone who tried to console or comfort you. Nothing intentional or conscious but a reaction on a deeper level. Maybe? If that's the case then it is something that you can totally overcome if it bothers you. I really believe after everything I've been through that anything can be overcome once you have the right tools to do so.

I am really glad that I am not alone. I thought it was just me. I am not glad that you feel this way, just that there are others who feel the same way you and I do. I don't feel right about sleeping with anyone but my husband, even my sisters, it is awkward.