Dagger in the Heart

hello ambiepam:)!!!first of all i want to greet you gud pm since its already dark where i lived.i feel sorry for your sister!!maybe shes just jealous with you becaused of your relationship with your mother.the way i understand your situation, i assumed that your mother favors you more than your sister. don't push your self too much to your sister,if she doesn't want then don't.just let her know that you loved her and in time she will understand. the best way to do is pray for your sister and seek guidance with our God. i hope this will help you with your sister.

I hate to see you in so much pain .Dont' even bother with her ,she's not worth it.No matter what you do,she's gonna be nasty. Don't keep opening up yourself for heartache.AS for her being nice to friends and horrible to you,I can relate.I have family members that treat other people better than they treat me so I know how it feels

Wow, that's awful! You know sometimes we have family members which are just stinkers, and there's not much we can do about it. It's terrible that it's your sister! In my family my mom can be a problem.. but not as bad as your sister! And mom spreads her paranoia's around, instead of it always being one of us! I feel bad for you, and a little angry at your sister! But I think you should just know that it's your sister, she's way wrong headed in this, and just let go of it, knowing that one day, she will understand how silly and wrong she has been and will love you dearly! And marvel at your patience! Which will make her love you all the more! How do I know this? I just do! I could say whether in this life, or the next (what they call heavenly) but I think she will mellow with age.. or perhaps she will start receiving medication.. :)bless you!

Wow, you had a bad day. But don't take it personally. It sounds like your sister has some issues and she is the one with them, not you. Until she deals with them, she will continue to act like this. You can continue to try, but don't expect anyting in return. Just show her and the world around you that you are the better person and you are rising above her comments and antics. Mom was straight forward with you and that hurt, but the one that is really being hurt is your Mom - she must feel awful having a child that acts like that and your sister - she is losing you as a sister and a friend. Please try and have a better day.

That is really cruel of your sister, and I'm sorry that she did this to you. I have two sisters, and I know that we can also be cruel to one another, but we are generally kind to each other, and apologize for our cruelty, when it happens. I suspect that someday, your sister will realize that she's made a mistake in being so horrible to you all your life, but until that happens, she is probably not going to change. :(

AmbiePam, this sounds really as an awful expirience and not to be expected from your own flesh and blood, your own sister. I am alone and without sisters and brothers, but both my mother and father have brothers and sisters and they are very close to one another, so I am really feeling for you, and for your pain caused by this situation. I am not sure how I will act if placed in a situation like yours, because you have done pretty much all that could have been done from your part, and you have also given proove of your affection to her. Maybe it's some weird karma causing it, and the day will come that your sister will know how wrong she has been in your regards. You just keep as you are dear, and I hope the day that she will change is near by. God bless and have a great day and weekend ahead!

My first guess, or impression from what you are saying is to wonder if Mindy is not also bipolar, but undiagnosed, and untreated. I actually wondered this before I read where you said you were bipolar. One of my very best friends is bipolar, and she is not only a great friend, but is also a role model and inspiration. I cannot really give you any advice, other than to accept that although she is a wonderful person, she is also wonderfully cruel.Be yourself. Let her have her visits with your mom when she comes, and keep your distance. You do not have to be hurt over and over again. Hugs to you, Pam.

Im sorry to hear this about your sister. I understand she has been treating you like this all her life. Why do you stand for it? I dont understand why your mom would allow this to continue. Its really just so sad. I hope you can work this out before its too late.

its sad thats the way your sister treats you. too bad for a family, its not suppose to be that way. You know what? The way i see it, she is jealous with you. and she knows where to hurt you, shes is doing it intentionally! maybe with the attention your mom is giving you and she is always siding you whenever things like that happens. I think its best if you talk to her, not the approach she is always getting during previous conversations. In a person, no matter how bad she is outside, there is always a good part in her.

I think it seems in all families there's always one family member who just loves to get ones goat, knows how to really push our buttons, drag us down and plain make us feel like a piece of shat...my own mom was like that with me I really don't think you can hope that your sister is going to change, it seems from what you have said here this is her nature to love to pull you down--she knows your weaknesses and goes for the attack...I can't help wondering if maybe SHE has some kind of psychological problems I know it's easier said than done but really, try not to let it get to you....Just keep reminding yourself that YOU are a worthy person...how you feel and approve of yourself is all that counts, and everyone else can go to He!! LOL...Seriously...that's is the kind of attitude one needs to take in life..sure wish I had found this out years ago myself--it would have saved me a lot of anguish as well

I feel for you. It's sad when you desperately want a relationship with your sibling, but they push you away. I have quite a few brothers and sisters. None of them are exceptionally close to me, and it hasn't been for lack of trying on my part. There's only so much you can have control of in life, and unfortunately, the will of other people isn't one of those things. The only thing you can do is continue to be your sweet self and take it in stride. Do the words hurt? Of course they do, but if your sister is determined to make you feel inferior, she's going to try no matter what you do. My mother always told me, as it says in the Bible, when someone slaps you in the face, turn the other cheek. It may not stop the person's onslaught, but you know that you didn't let them know that they got the best of you. My sister also used shock tactics, maybe not to the degree as your's did. She too was jealous of me. I, like you, tried to dissect the reasoning behind it all, and the only conclusion I could come to was that I was the baby, and she had been dethroned, and was no longer the "little princess". Birth order is something that is totally out of your control. I see it with my sons. My oldest son is the middle child and was the baby until the youngest came along. From the very first the older of the two was at odds with the whole situation. My older son since 20 months of age has hated the fact that he was no longer the baby, and he seems to try to hold on to this hostility toward my younger son. He doesn't even understand why, he just knows that's the way it's always been. With your sister, it could be a similar situation. Many siblings get over this rivalry eventually, but some don't. Don't let her opinion of you lessen your self-worth. That's just giving her what she wants. With my own siblings, I acknowledge them, insomuch as recognizing them as my siblings. However, I no longer seek out their company. I don't try to have get-togethers and holidays. In fact, I try to keep my distance. I have been burned by them all, and don't intend to get hurt again in the same manner. If they have issues, let them deal with them on their own and don't put myself in a situation where I will get hurt, that's my outlook. And now, the only time I will see my siblings is if we are all invited to my mother's for holidays or something. Even then, I think about just skipping it and going when I know they won't be there. It's just easier that way. No, I'm not running from conflict or problems. I view it as saving myself a headache, heartache and trouble. I hope that you and your sister can work through things, but it may take some more time (years) for her to view you in a different light. I am not trying to be negative, but keep your expectations low, that way if she does have a change of heart, you will be pleasantly surprised.

I am sure it have to hurt, when you have to fight with somebody over and over.Plus it takes a energy from you also. it looks like your sister is very unsecure about herself and jealous of you.It looks like really hard to deal with.But at least I would try, it 's your sister and you would involved with her for rest of your life.I am sure it s very hard, but I am sure also you have a good hearth and tou are great person.I hope everything will be better between you and your sister.Just don't give up.

I'm sorry this happened to you, especially from a sister who is supposed to love you. She seems like a very very rude person !!! I for one, would not want to be around her. She's got alot of anger towards you. She needs to get some help. Good Luck to you!! Be Strong, and keep your Chin up!!

Sounds like she is the one with issues. I am not trying to down talk your sister but she must have a problem which getting her way temporarily solves. Myabe that is the only way she can feel wanted. Im not a shrink but I do have family members somewhat like your sis. What you have to remember is that when people act out they are the ones with the problem and the only thing you can do is to love them past their faults even if its from a distance. Sorry you have to deal with this but I am glad that you have a mom you can talk it out with.

I have had family problems similar to this as well. Someone very wise gave me some advice regarding this. They asked me, if this person causing me pain, was not a family member, would I put up with that kind of treatment? My answer was no. It was then that I realized that it is a matter of treating others with respect, family or not. If a person is constantly hurting you, no matter how many other great things they do, then you need to protect yourself, and put some distance between you and them.

Honey, I am so sorry that your sister treats you so badly. It sounds like she has some major issues that she needs to get over, and she is going to be the only one that can make herself come to terms with it. Sometimes younger sisters are jealous of the older siblings all of their lives, no matter how hard the family tries to convince them that there is no need for it. From what you have said, it doesn't sound like it would do a whole lot of good to even attempt to talk to her. I wish I could be more help to you. But I'm dealing with problems with my own sister....I haven't heard from her for over a year, and even before that, I always felt like she wishes she never had a sister.....especially one 18 years younger than her. I'm here for you though hon. If you ever need a shoulder, let me know. You are loved and wanted, and don't ever let anyone, including your sister, tell you otherwise.

I wonder, do you suppose that your sister may suffer from some variety of mental illness? I ask this because you mentioned you had bi-polar disorder and mental illness like other maladies (heart disease, high blood sugar, etc) can run in families. The behavior you describe is not 'normal'.

Amber, I know she is your sister, but she does not sound like a very nice person. I am surprised she is married. If you have tried to make things right with her and she continues to treat like this, it would be better to avoid her. She does this for a reason. It makes her feel very superior to think that she can mistreat you and get away with it. To lay down the law to her mother and say this is the way it is going to be. She may use the fact that you have bi-polar as an excuse because it makes her feel better than you. The important thing is you take care of yourself and take your meds. You seem very responsible to me. You think things out. You are nice to people. She is the one who is toxic. It is better to avoid her when you can. However, I would not miss any family communal dinners because of her. Your mother can tell her that if she wants to avoid you, she does not have to attend. Rest assured, people like you. I do.

the way i look at it your sister has far more greater issues to settle within herself then you. the way she sounded she is in need of help, her action is not of a 28 year old. maybe when you were younger you'll be fighting for your parent's attention but now you're older it's a different story. ask you're parent's help especially you're mom to talk to her, to seek professional help. and for the meantime you just be yourself and don't burden yourself with wondering why your sister treats you the way she does. you have better things to do. god bless

Its terrible that this sounds so familiar! We are 5 sisters, and recently we've had to separate ourselves from 2, because of the cruelty (mostly to our Mother!) and the jealousy (of these 2 for us and our daughters!) We can't figure out the cause, but we know it goes back a long time. It caused so much heartache that we decided it just wasn't worth it to keep trying to appease them... they are likely to never get along with any of the rest of us. If they could change their attitudes, we would welcome them back. But, sadly, I can't see it happening.