Stillborn Eulogy...Am I the only one who finds this sick?
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
United States
September 13, 2007 7:24pm CST
Okay, I get that people get sad over miscarriages and stillbirths. So before you get all prissy about me being a baby-hater or whatever, let me tell you that that is not what this is about.
Okay, so I was bored today and decided to play on youtube. For whatever reason, the "related videos" window on the one that I was watching listed belly-casting, so I clicked it, and from there I got a ton of pregnancy videos and so out of pure boredom, I started watching some of them. Then I started seeing the "RIP" videos and watche da few of those, realizing they were eulogies or stillbirths and miscarriages. I even thought a few of them were cute. They I found "Into the Arms of God". Okay...Wtf...It started out cute enough with one of those pregnancy photoshoots with the mom and the dad and the kids and yadda yadda...Then it showed the delivery room. Okay, understandable, that was the hardest time, being told your baby is actually dead. Then is just got plain weird. The baby, the *dead* baby, was being held...and held...and held...then it was passed around to everyone. Then it was actually dressed up in a pink blankie and headband. Then it was passed around some more. Then it was given to the little kids! Then it was passed around some more. The entire time, you could see it turning from that ambiotic pale pink, to grey, to blue, to purple, then it just started looking like a rotting corpse. How long must this have gone on for? How sick is it to subject your small children to a dead baby? That thing scared even me, can you imagine a little kid's reaction?
For your viewing displeasure, the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W3QW2D-eRg&mode=related&search=
So what to you all think? Am I heartless, or did these people go overboard?
12 people like this
15 responses
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
14 Sep 07
When a baby is stillborn they always let the families hold the baby, dress the baby and pass the baby around and even take pictures. Its a way of saying goodbye.
If I was pregnant and lost a baby like this, I would probably let my oldest who is 5, take a picture with the baby and maybe hold the baby, but then I would have someone take her out right after. But that all depends. I'm saying that now, but then agian it all depends on how the child copes. In some situations, it might not be a good idea.
I guess we will really never know until we are given that option and I hope that never happens.
All I know, is I can understand all the passing around and pictures being taken. It's a special moment and to them, it's not sick, its special.
I don't know abot kids being in the room, that is a hard one. Only a parent can make that choice.
4 people like this
@bonnielass (484)
• United States
14 Sep 07
i agree here before they used to just take the baby away and then u wondered and never got to say good bye
now the option is nice
3 people like this
@genuinesqueak (325)
• Australia
14 Sep 07
I guess i can understand where they are coming from, but i do agree that after a while it does get a bit sick. I don't agree that small children should be included in this. They should have just been shown a photo, and given a simple explanation about who it was and why it wasn't at home with the family, you know?
But i also think it's hard to judge something like that unless going through it yourself. I think it must be the hardest thing to ever go through as a parent. Carrying a baby for so long and then have them say "sorry it's stillborn". So i couldn't really say that i'd never do it. I don't think how ever that i would subject my other children to it though, i think i'd be certain of that.
3 people like this
@chertsy (3798)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I didn't watch the video or do I want to. I don't think it's ok to have your small children to hold a baby that passed away. That could scar a child for life. Plus I don't think this family should have posted this on Youtube. This is something private. I know a few women that lost a child and they might have the pictures but they didn't video tape it or anything.
So no your not heartless and if you are then I guess I'm just as heartless. From what you wrote, I do believe this family went overboard.
2 people like this
@lisado (1227)
• United States
18 Sep 07
I know that hospitals encourage the families to spend time with the baby so they can say goodbye. I have to admit, though, that the last 20-30 seconds of the video had me going "huh??". The baby was so dark in color, obviously gone, her little cheeks so hollow and gaunt. The smiles on the family members faces, though, were kinda creepy. Everyone was smiling like nothing was wrong. They all looked so happy I wanted to be sick. I gather that they are very religious, so maybe they were resolved that the little girl was in the Lord's arms since she couldn't be in their's, but still? I dunno. Maybe it was just me.
The video started out beautifully, though. The pregnancy, famly shots at the beginning were great. I loved those. That being said, I can't believe they posted something that personal on You Tube.
2 people like this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
18 Sep 07
That is exactly what I'm talking about. Thank you!
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
18 Sep 07
I think it was a little overboard myself, the end photos were not something people really need to see, especially not children.
I think if they wanted to do it that way, then the kids should have been the first to hold & then leave.
I don't know how i'd go in this kind of situation, i'm not sure i'd want to let go either - simply because of a growing attachment. Although, having said that, i think i'd have been ok after a little while but before the colour that infant turned to.
It was quite sick but that's how they wanted to do it i guess, i never would.
1 person likes this
@DesigningLife (903)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I don't want to watch the video and I've never had a stillborn child so I can't really comment on what is "acceptable", although it DOES seem a bit weird to me to pass it around as if it's alive or will magically come to life if enough people "handle" it, and to include children in this. If I told my children that "God took the baby", they would probably freak out wondering at what point and why he would decide to "just take THEM" too.
What IS really disturbing to me is that these people put this on the Internet. Blech.
1 person likes this
@livewyre (2450)
•
4 Dec 07
After you described it, I really didn't want to watch the video, people do the strangest things...
I guess we all show grief in our own peculiar ways, and honestly if that had happened to me, I don't know what I would have done, but I'm fairly sure a video camera wouldn't have been involved....
There was a time, when this type of thing would have been swept under the carpet and just not mentioned, now we have to shout it aloud from the rooftops and stick it on youtube - somewhere we overshot the mark of voicing our grief and turned it into a macabre circus.
I followed you from another discussion, I may not agree with you totally on that one, but as far as this discussion goes I think 'overboard' is probably an appropriate term.
@zenmachado (1617)
• United States
19 Sep 07
All I would say is that any time of mourning is always for the people to take care of their own personal feelings..
So they deal with it in their own way.. while I would personaly just become secluded and come to term with the passing of my child, without the inclusion of outside personas... I do respect other peoples way of mourning...
@msjigga (864)
• United States
19 Sep 07
Hi GloomCookieLex! I think these people are sick and looking for sympthy from the whole world. I dont mean to be heartless but people and babies die every single day and babies are born everyday. I was in tears watching this and am angry that people can be this sick and put something like this for the whole world to see.
I am shocked.
@stephanie78 (122)
• United States
12 Oct 07
I'm probably just echoing everyone else here but I do think that if it was me and my husband we might hold the baby, it would be really hard for me to take a picture but I ***might*** but never, ever would I let my young kids hold her.
@crazed_moma (1054)
• United States
14 Sep 07
HOw sad. That was a little morbid. Not having been there I can't really judge but how sad to have those people gathered for a celebration of life to have it end like that.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10534)
• United States
10 Oct 07
Well you aren't heartless Lex, at least in my view. At first I thought this thread was about people who silently mourn a stillborn with family. I was not expecting what you described and posted.
You may or may not have seen me comforting others on mylot who had to deal with stillborn situations. I think most people do their eulogies and memories respectfully. But that situation you shared... sorry I'm speechless.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
10 Oct 07
I've not seen those thread, but as I said, I was looking at other eulogies at the time that I found this one. Many of them were very sweet and subtle and well-pit together. But this was just..."what?!". I was totally taken aback.
1 person likes this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
4 Oct 07
Thank you. I'm glad at least a few people do notice that it changes colours.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
4 Oct 07
Lol, I've come to terms with my sick sense of humour long ago. I made a few jokes about it myself.
@3xfuner (1)
• United States
15 Jun 10
I suffered many miscarriages and false pregnancies before I conceived our son that passed away. He was going to join us in this world but just shy of 10 before the scheduled c-section he suffered from an umbilical cord accident. We lost him on the first day of vacation. We chose to come back and deliver by c-section which was the original plan and put our other children (8 year old and 10 year old)on vacation in the care of their aunt and grandmother. After delivery we held our son which to me didn't seem long enough but ended up being several hours. Our dear friend which was with us must of noticed the change in color and tried to urge us to let the nurses take him. No matter how long we held him in our eyes wasn't long enough. It has been two years and my children still are angry and upset that they were not allowed to hold and see their baby brother.
@cloud_kicker_32 (4635)
• United States
19 Sep 07
hello there cookie..i started to watch it..then i started crying so bad i couldnt deal with it anymore..I guess i would understand if they wanted to tape and keep it since thats all the memories they would have of the child..but i think its was disgusting and wrong on so many levels,,to have the other children hold the baby..can u imagine how tramatic it has to be fo rthem and the years of therepy they will probably under go?? and the fact she was passed around so long that u see it loses its color?? and then to POST IT ON YOUTUBE??? disgusting..wrong..insane..and breaks my heart someone would post such a thing on the net..i agree totally with you..this was heartless..not you..and they did go wayy over board!!! April
