Does this mean I am kindhearted or just a b**ch?

It doesn't mean you are a B&^$%! It just means you are human. Young and human. It seems as if there is a ton of history behind this, but if a family member has wronged you constantly, there is nothing wrong with having a hate streak here and there. You may not believe it, but there are even some parents who love their children dearly but can also hate them (the people they are). It works for kids to parents as well. Its very illogical, but thats also what makes it a human reaction. And believe me, there are some parents and family members who do laugh (usually internally) at certain members shortcomings and low points. Other family members are overt about it. They'll even help point out the shortcomings and low points of that member or members. Kind of sad, but true. Cait, don't be too riled over this. It seems like a difficult point in your life but you are young and human. People can hate and have disdain for those that wronged them. You should see my posts on exes ;p This happens, but you must also not let the negative drive you too much.

understandable and justified..i was just like you when i had this huge thing with my father..i won the battlefield and i saw him break down so bad infront of me and i was very fond of it i am smiling..at last he knew what is it like to cry and lose what he keeps on fighting on me..i also kind of fond when people i hate so much..people who just suck up my life..dang! i love to see them fall down and cry even if not on me..just hearing the people say it how they got mess up..shoot! i automatically turn into my evil side..

Honestly YES..! Its wrong to become that evil to laugh while the other person is crying. See caitbaby what I am trying to say is each and every person is unique and different from each other. They are different in almost every manner. And YOU should try to maintain that DIFFERENCE between each other.(just be yourself, don't try to become any one else) You projected you fathers personality as negative its ok as I don't know what is the reality, but you know that there IS a DIFFERENCE between you and your father isn't it?? But you erased that difference by laughing at him while he cried. NOw there is no difference between YOU and HIM. Know I don't know whether its "evil" or not!! but NOW there is no difference between YOU and HIM. DOn't you think its bad???

Okay, this discussion is really hard for me to respond too, simply because I'm your sister and I have been through this with our 'father' myself. Of course, I'm going to say good for you for sticking up for yourself to him. I know that you should have started doing that years ago. He's not anything close to being a decent human being, but a liar and cruel individual. I know no one here will ever understand the magnitude of what we have been through, or even how much of a terrible person he is, but NEVER back down from him. I lost all respect for him years ago and you know my piece on him. I'm proud of you Caitlin.

Hi Caitbaby, I understand your pain and also your reaction towards your father while by the psychologist. It was a very good moove of you to go there in the 1st place, and congratulations on it ;) From what I understand of it all, I think you need a liberation of the bad influence, and pain and sorrow, your father has given you and your family during many years. Until you are unable to forgive him, and his wrong doings you'll continue to be his prisoner, and hatred usually brings only negativity on your own heart, and self-esteem. I know how hard and difficult it could be to forgive someone who is acting as your enemy, and has hurt you, but trust me, once you forgive it - you are able to place it behind you, and you'll feel free ;) Once you are free, you could tell him to never show up in your life again, as you don't deem him worthy of your love, attention, and help. Try to balance your feelings my friend and forgive this bad person that happens to be your father, and once this is handles you'll feel much, much better and in peace with yourself, but most of all - freed from him. Bless you ;)

It IS your father, as long as he dident stab you with a knife or something you should do as he says, making him cry then laugh is not good.

Very sad to hear from disagreement and keeping heart together. Forgiving is the best policy. Some one may hate the father, but he never thought what he owned is not from himself making up. Hard things were from his father.

I feel really sorry for the trouble of your family. And I have the same probleme with my father when I was a teenager.so I totally understand the feeling that you are experiencing.Because I believe there is nothing happened For no reason. I think you need a real communication with your father.you are families. Believe me,he still loves you!