Marriage - or not

having children does not equate to being committed.,marriage in the point of view of the Church is a sacrament and covenant with God not just papers and anyting.,now if you don't believe in the sacraments and in God it's not bad not to get married except that your children can't use their father's last name if your not married to him.,and ofcourse once he lefts you for another woman or gets married to another his children with you would be illigitimate and that's very bad.,and because there is no marriage with the both of you.,then there's no security for you if ever he'll leave you.,and lastly if you want to live a moral life according to the Church then you should get married to the man your living with

When I read the discussion and the comments, one question ranged in my mind. Do you want to marry the guy? or are you contented of your situation? I don't mean to be judgmental but I don't think having children is a commitment at all. There are many people who have had a lot of children with someone but eventually left them for another. So is with marriage, there are many couples having divorces or partners cheating. So I guess it boils down to one thing. Do you want to marry this guy? If I am asked, I have always wanted to have someone who commit not just to me but to my family and to God that he'd do his best to take care of me and our family. The joy of walking down the aisle committing that this is the day I start to be Mrs. something. Committing to my heart that this is the man I'd spend the rest of my days with. It's not purely traditional, I guess, because after a few years the 'event' would remind you how you chose your husband and committed to him (so will the husband remember this). It's sort of a memorabilia that will forever be marked in your heart as a couple (regardless if there are kids or not). Well, that's just me. But the focus is on you, do you have the fantasy of marrying him? or is it just the contentment that you already have kids so that's enough? A marriage certificate is not the whole point in the marriage by the way, it's the commitment of publicly declaring the love not just with each other but with God and the family as well. Actions do speak louder than words, but we all need to hear the words once in a while to confirm such actions. :) But it really depends on you. What would you want in your life? Good luck. And hopefully you would not get irritated with people telling you to get married. They have their fantasy of seeing you and your partner as husband and wife ~ don't blame them for wanting to see that. =)

Personally, I think it's completely up to a couple to decide whether they want to "formalise" their commitment via marriage, and to me... marriage is simply that... a formality. Declaring that you are a couple with a commitment to one another. My fiancee's Uncle (and Auntie as I've always called her), have been together for 19 years, and engaged for 15. They have three kids together, and are only now getting married- the wedding is four weeks away... My partner's other Auntie has been with her man for 16 years, and it's fairly well known that they will never get married. They have two kids toegther, and just don't see the point. Scott, my fiancee, and I have only been together for about four years, and are plannin gon getting married next year. We have a child together, and another one on the way. Although we don't see it as "neccessary" to get married- if ya get what I mean- we want to. Sounds silly but I want to have the same last name as my family (married or not they are my family- my fiancee and my kids), and I like the idea of the "wedding" day..lol... Little girl here in big girl shoes lol... So, all in all, my point was that I think it's fine if you guys never get married. Marriage isn't always forver nowadays anyway. People get divorced. If you're happy, then people should be happy for you, in my opinion...

No you did not make a commitment to eachother by having three kids together you just made a commitment to the kids to raise them. If u didnt think it was wrong it wouldnt bother u so much. Its your life and you have to deal with the out come so y would what other people have say bother u unless......?

You are a classic example of a good and lasting relationship and proves that you don't have to have a piece of paper from the church or magistrates to stay together. My wife of 37 years and I have a piece of paper from the church, but that is not why we have stayed together nor for the sake of our children - they are messing up their lives all by themselves without any help from us! haha. No, we just get on well together.

legally speaking, it would be better that you get married so that your children will become legitimate, but if you dont want it, then dont do it, you dont have to prove anything to them.

Yes to some extend I agree. But please think of the legal angle also not only the social angle. Because legally one should be husband,wife then if there is any tussle between them your right cannot be ignored.

Depends person to person on how they thing.. I think its a pleasure to get married in all aspects of line.. Feel a bit responsible and be a complete person.

I totally understand where you are coming from Scorpio2111, though I find that this is happening less and less now, as more than 50% of couples here in the UK are living together rather than being married. But certainly in earlier years (my partner have been living together 20 years and 5 months now!), - we used to get it all the time. Fact is - marriage means nothing in our eyes - we are fully committed to each other just as I am sure you and your man are, so why have a piece of paper to prove it? Love is about sharing, caring and respect - you can have that whether married or not, and children that are loved and looked after by two loving, unmarried parents, are far better off than those who are born "in wedlock" and then see their parents go through a traumatic divorce a few years later. Please don't let these people get you down - as long as you and your partner are happy - it is none of anyone else's business.

So long as you love each other and love your kids, who needs a piece of paper. You have shown your committment by the mere fact that you have been together for such along time and raised three lovely kids. Who cares if you have a piece of paper saying you are married, you have already made your committments

You have obviously already made a commitment to each other if youve been together that long. I would just ignore what others are saying. A lot of people just say that a marriage certificate is just a piece of paper. And in a way i guess they are right. If you two dont want to get married then you shouldnt. Your obviously very happy just the way you are. I dont think it would change anything if you did get married. I would tell these people that your quite happy just the way you are.

Hi!Well, what are your personal feelings towards MARRIAGE? Leave the world aside. If ,you both seem to have a perfect understanding,what others say should not matter to you.If you want to have a security for children, regarding inheritance of property & other things, you may go ahead accordingly.This is something that YOU have to decide for yourself.Think well & do according to your satisfaction. ALL THE BEST!! GOD BLESS!! www.creatingcolourfulfuture.com

hi scorpio, congratulation you are together from long 22 years, I do not think now u need to get married. In my view marriage is an honest commitment with each other and you both are very well commited from long time and U both trust on each other.So with these three childrens you both are happy, I don't think u need a piece of paper ( marriage certificate) to certify your relations. You both are happily living ,It is just marriage without any certificate which is well accepted by both of U. SO keep going without any hesitation. good luck.

Marriage is also based from the couples' beliefs, values, education, culture. If both of you believed that you just have to be living-in together for so many years without a need for the marriage certificate, that's your choice. It is good for you if you live peacefully with your couple and kids, providing them their needs, being responsible. However, when it comes to legality, the surnames of your children would be followed after the mother's not the fathers. (depending upon the country's laws) If you have lived for a long time without the marriage certificate, these children are called illegitimate. If ever you leave and has lots of properties, their fraction or share would be half of the legitimate's. If ever your spouse would need to claim some benefits from the government (depending also in the country where you live) she cannot file for he/she has no paper, evidence to show that he/she is married with you. There are lots of legal perceptions to be considered and maybe you have overlooked those. Try not to bet angry with people who keep on telling you about marriage because they only care for you. Good luck to you!

I think they might be telling you for legal purposes. The present scenerio the legal bindings are a must for life. As you were under life past twenty years is not necessary. Of course you might be registered about you dependants with the government for i.d. purpose and passport purposes, this itself is necessary. My last wish is that whatever they the other people wordings be careful about not to split in and for your family . The olden day belief and astrology methods as such after twenty or twentyfive years a marriage occasion should be for the same couple, but it is an misbelief.

I can understand your frustration. Having a history of 22 years and three children is more proof of a commitment than having a ceremony and a license. People will always have judgments on how others should live their lives. If not being married is working for you and you are happy it shouldn't be a problem, especially for someone outside of your relationship.

see u need to tie the knot.that is the commitment which is required here i think.so do it fast otherwise they will comment more.who cares there should be valid docs here buddy!

It really depends on what you believe. There are people who believes that tying a not is more binding and solid. There are those that happiness and respect is enough to make them survive the partnership even without getting married. Me personally, i choose to get married. I am, acutally, in civil. But i wanted a church wedding.

Well that is up you.It is your life and you have every right to live the way you want. For me, marriage is a social institution. It is a necessary part of my life.

wow, 22years! congratulations!!! I don't believe marriage is not necessary to strengthen your relationship. It's just a license for you to use your partner's name legally, the right to be called Mrs.Yourhusband'sSurname. If these things doesn't matter to you, then you don't have to get married. I'm happy for you both :)