Why do I have to hide things from my husband?
By bambi_doe
@bambi_doe (566)
United States
September 26, 2007 4:52am CST
I am always hiding things from my husband because I am afraid of what he will say or do. Is this abuse of some sorts? We have been married for 24 years and that is all I have been seeing and it is too the point of me having to hide even being on mylots or planning to do something without him up in my face. I have a job that pays well but was placed on medical from my doctor three months ago because I was brought home by my boss for having faunted in the break room. Ever since then he is like you have to go back to work - I have no money - when are you going back to work - that costs money - this costed how much - you can not do that or you can not do this. He even called my doctor because he did not believe me when I told him the doctor would not send me back to work - he told the doctor that he thinks I am faking this problem. I was told that I have diabeties and that my readings were that of a coma persons. He has never once asked how I felt or feel. I had to get inculin the other day and he said he wasn't giving me the money and that I had better go back to work if I plan on buying it. I went and applied for help and when I got home he flaired up about how it is an embarssment for me to have to go seek help. I just do not know what to do. I feel as though the only reason I am in this mans life is to support him with a job that makes 2 times his pay. What would you do in this case? hugs
4 people like this
7 responses
@thefortunes (2367)
• Netherlands
26 Sep 07
Hi Bambi_doe, I feel so sorry for you when I read what you are saying. This does sound like abuse to me, and I'd like to tell your story on my blog, and of course without naming you explicitly with name and personal info.
In your case, I would definitely not go to work if you are feeling ill, no matter what. Your doctor told you to stay at home because of your condition, and no matter what your husband is saying, you should not go. Is he only abusive with words or also physically? Because if he is also abusing you phisically you should go away from there, if possible of course. How can he deny you your medicine is beyond understanding for me, and also the fact that he has toldf your doctor that you are faking it. This guy does not deserve you my dear, that's for sure.
Please check this discussion about the Abuse issue and let me know if you would like me to cover your story for tomorrow
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1287701.aspx
Thank you
TheFortunes
3 people like this
@bambi_doe (566)
• United States
26 Sep 07
He says things to me that makes me feel as though the only reason he married me was for a tax write off - money tree - someone to go to work and come home and cleanup after. He keeps telling me that the medications are too expensive but when I tried to get help paying for them he said that it is a lazy mans way of treating the system. He has never physically touched me or threw any thing at me because I think he knows I would leave with out a doubt but I did tell him that if he was so worried about what everyone else in his so called high classed life would say tell them that he needs better pay or he needs a loan. I just do not get the fact that all he wants me to do is get back to work so I can start the same thing all over again to where I am the bread winner paying all the bills while he racks up more and having nothing to show for it. It is my fault there is no cable ( big deal) it is my fault there is no food in the house ( that is why I tried to get assistence) he has no medications ( no insurance while off work ) no money to golf - bowl - eat out every day with his family - buy lotto - and most of all no money to play all those pools they have every day at his work such as nascar - football - lottery - horse racing - ect. Well we don't have cable - no more eatting out - no more work pools - no more lotto - no extra money for sports and that is why he is pressuring me back to work. But if he needs to call the doctor every time I go instead of taking a day off from work so be it. I just think it would be easier if he just came out and told everyone that he is trying to hold down the fort for awhile while I get better and get back to work. Swallow his pride for once if you will. Yes you can post this on the blog for I would like to know if there is any one else with this problem. Thank you you may have helped others as well. Hugs
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
27 Sep 07
You may start find out who is the one he believes. Which friends, which relatives, or who he always share this out a lot. So you may know the root of his problem.
Usually, if both side had made a bad communication, there is always a third party who is willing to be listened or listen to. Good luck, dear.
@thefortunes (2367)
• Netherlands
27 Sep 07
Hi Bambi_doe, your story is online on my blog now, and I hope there will be some good and valuable reactions to the Blogging for Hope Day on the Abuse issue. And I hope so much there will be a solution to this problem, and your husband will see the truth and will change :)
TheFortunes
@amirev777 (4117)
• India
26 Sep 07
Hi!
really sorry to hear that ur husband of 24 years treats u such.its really bad of him to expect u to do a job when u r in such frail health.Since u r having diabetes u b very careful,coz u r fainting was due to u r sugar level going very high.if u go into coma and still recover,life will be very miserable and the least u can expect frm ur husband is support.GET UR BLOOD SUGAR TESTS DONE REGULARLY!follow ur doctors advice in terms of ur diet,medicine and exercise.If ur health improves u will not only b able to go to work and become independent-but u will also b able to face ur husband's abuse till he regrets.Good luck and take care.
@bambi_doe (566)
• United States
26 Sep 07
Thank you. Yes I have been watching my diet and excersising a lot. I went down to the FIA and applied for assistance for my meds and they took my info and now I am waiting to hear back. The doctor is giving me samples to take in the mean time so that is a releif. hugs
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
((((hugs))))
I hope that made you feel better, I fell so sorry for you..I guess you are being abused verbally and emotionally. You raelly ahve to stand up and talk to him about it,don't let him out you down..I can sense you are a strong woman but circumstances now is making you weak. I hope you can find ways and help.
I'm whispering a prayer for you. :)
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
26 Sep 07
"He has never once asked how I felt or feel."
I'm sorry but it's obvious that your husband is a pig who doesn't care about you or your family as a whole. He's irresponsible and selfish.
Let me put it this way: If I were you I would leave him. No point being married to someone like that.
For all you know, all the stress that you're going through could be causing your illness.
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
27 Sep 07
leaving family in a torn apart is the last action you had to take. But I think there are hundreds solution of this.
It's just the sticky good communication and we need to hit her husband's bull-eyes to know what is his psychological effect so he will act like that.
Some men owns bad temper, but with the right weak point, you can redeem the fire in precision timing.
Maybe we need to self-introspection first, or maybe something related to us that made him become like that. Because what, we are now only focusing on him, I'm not trying to defend the hubby, but there is always a cause that make him like that.
Another possibility is her hubby could be bring the temper since kid, where his parents educated him too hard, and that's what make him now. Not parents fault, just the man's decide the way in wrong time and wrong place, briefly wrong decision.
@shrutisharma (86)
• India
27 Sep 07
its very sad.
he is so cruel.
How are you holding on him?
Just get rid of that guy.
@quickinstinct (432)
• United States
26 Sep 07
He sounds like perhaps he is disillusioned and has the mentality of the husband role where the husband rules over everything and everyone in the home, maybe he is insecure.
Or he may just be overly worried about finances and your condition, he may not admit he needs you and thrives on your presence, but underneath the cocky, bossy exterior he may just be fearing the worst to happen. Some people can't easily express their true emotions, men especially (we tend to gloss over our emotions with a ston wall approach) so I would try to have a calm and cool discussion with him. Tell him your working hard to get back on your feet and accept your diabetes as well as using things such as MyLot as a way to vent, keep active, and find information. Be careful not to inflame his already touchy attitude with comments similar to what he is telling you; that will only lead you into a perpetual fight.
Good luck.
1 person likes this
@bambi_doe (566)
• United States
26 Sep 07
That maybe what he is doing I am not sure but I have seen a difference since I have been off from work. thank you I will have a sit down with his and discuss the matter this evening. hugs
@bambi_doe (566)
• United States
26 Sep 07
That maybe what he is doing I am not sure but I have seen a difference since I have been off from work. thank you I will have a sit down with his and discuss the matter this evening. hugs
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
27 Sep 07
This sounds like abuse to me as well hun. Eventhough it doesn't sound like physical abuse it does sound like emotional abuse and you should not put up with it. Yes you have been married a long time but you should be happy in your marriage not trapped. Has he always been this way towards you?
My mother was abused both emotionally and physically when I was growing up and that was hard enough so I pray you can resolve this and even if you need help just do it. It does not make you weak to seek help, it will only make you stronger.
If it were me I would tell him to get off his butt. It would probably stun him and who knows he may realise that he can't push you around anymore. I really hope you can make him realise that so you can be happy.
Good Luck hun.
Lots of hugs
