Why do some people willingly avoid to become dad &mom?What are the real causes?

Hello LilyoftheThorns, Thanks verymuch for your response and and thanks again for not misunderstanding me like some people here, I never put a post to impose my own opinions or to make fun of others opinions but to update or to share my knowledges, but surprisingly I find some people really not interested in a healthy discussion with justified reasons or not interested in finding the real reasons or truth,I may be right or wrong but truth is always truth,the points you have written in your response is very realistic and makes lot of sense,I am not writting these words for you cause you have rated me positive but I think your explanations are very much realistic as well as transparent, and your response too deserve a positive rating.I have a friend ,he and his wife both of them love child a lot but were not sure if they can become good parents of their own child or not, or if they can raise a child properly or not, so they started mixing with the children firstly,then they adopted a four year old child, gained more experience and after that she became pregnant herself and gave birth to a cute girl child,and as far my knowledge is concerned they are living a happy famaly life.Also Ipersonally know a 60yrs old lady who was totally against having or raising a children and always lived a very fast social life, in 2004 she told me "I had so many friends in my young age, enjoyed a lot,two marriage breakups, every body is busy with their own life now, I feel so lonely I have nobody to talk with me, I really dont to live alone anymore." and she adopted a five years old girl child after few months. In 2007 I met her again and she told me"I will live another 40 years to raise this child, I was so wrong I divorced my second husband just only because he wanted children and I was against it , but he has married again and living a famaly life with his own son and daughter and I dont have the courage to face him for an appology,through out my life I lived like a selfish giant, I was so wrong." Please I hope nobody will attack aggrasively as I have shared this real life story not with intensions to impose any thoughts on anybody, every one has their own choice to live their own life.Thanks again.

Hello Cheerful_Beauty, Thanks for your response and yes ofcourse every humanbeing have the rights to choose.Yes if we think that we live only once on earth, wouldnt we want to leave someone our own in this earth, that unborn too has the right to live a happy life in earth?every normal human being is blessed with two hands by God, now if I say I will use just one hand and the other hand I will keep under pockets to avoid dirts and my soap and time consumption will be more, is my reason acceptable?Please Please dont take it as an attack on you,as every body of us here are friends and I have abosolutely no intentions to insult anybodies feelings, but I am only interested in discussions for the sake of uplifting my knowledge and studies. I will be happy if you share your thoughts with us.

Hello Clairec23, Thanks for your response and I agree with you that people should have rights to choose their own decesions in their own life but at the same time I am really surprised with your example as you have compared a human child with a tiger and also claiming to have two children, do you lock your children inside a room? I am sorry I am confused.

Thank you Claire! "People don't have to reproduce". The tone of responses to this thread is upsetting. Why do people seem to think that just because people "can reproduce", then they "should reproduce" or else something is "wrong" with their thinking, or they are selfish or fearful? IMO, to be judgmental like many people have shown here ... THAT is "wrong".

Humbleme, You SHOULD be sorry, but not for being "confused" as you "claim", for being ridiculously judgmental of others having NOTHING to do with you and your life, and for thinking the world should revolve around YOUR ideals. You should be ashamed at the uncalled for remark against Claire's response. It is obvious that Claire was NOT comparing a child to a tiger. She was stating that just because we CAN do or have something does NOT mean that we should or would want to. You have said that you think people should have a choice in this matter, but your posts do NOT reflect that at all.

Hello Angelwriter, Thanks for your response and sharing your thoughts with us. Thanks again.

Hello stella1989,Thanks for your response.I agree with you that may be for too much competetion to survive on earth could be a major factor, also thoughts, conceptions and ideologies are changing fast, some I try to understand instantly and some I take time to understand and I grab those in installments as I have a fools brain hahahahaaa

Who are you to say that people who don't want children need "help"? Why are they somehow lesser people for the simple choice of not reproducing? There is no law of obligation to childbearing, it's a choice.

Hello skydancer, Thanks for your response and sharing your thoughts transparently with us, and yes ofcourse you have total rights to follow your own decesions in life. Thanks again.

Hello Designinglife, Thanks for your response and interesting views.Dont you think we elect our own Government, we make our own soceity ourselves then do you mean that we are failing to teach the next generation our kids ,ourselves also the proverb "Charity begins at home" should be removed from our book?

Do you live in the US? We are told who we can "choose to vote for" among candidates they have selected for us. The entire political party is corrupt and has been herding us into totalitarian dictatorship for years. What does this have to do with whether or not people want to have kids anyway? You lost me on your second part of your response, sorry.

PS, Scientifically speaking, Humans are the only creatures proven to be self-destructive to their own kind rather than preserving of future generations.

So you think people only choose not to have kids so they can be sl*ts? How insulting. Also, you don't have to be married to have kids and you don't have to have kids if you're married.

Hello saraho, Thanks for your response.I agree with you that soceity is changing its views, thoughts, conceptions and actions thats reflecting in the life styles and what I dont agree with you on your suspicion that in past too many individual didnt want children, how much past you meant?according to my studies and knowledges the concept of living together without marriage or not eager to have childen has started with the popularity of hippie lifestyle from early 70s .Though popularity of hippie culture almost vanished from earth now, but some concepts from that culture has been adopted by alarge number of people worldwide, also I believe too much competetion for survival could be a major factor.I have no intensions to hurt anybodies feelings and I respect everybodies opinions . Thanks again.

Hello saraho, Thanks for your reply, life is easier today in which respect? do you mean easier in respect of our comfort, science and technology, then I agree.But what about our huge population? do we have enough job vacancy/ earning options in ratio to this huge population? fifty thousand or more apply for five vacant posts today,there are very few people who got a steady job, still insecured to loose it anytime, so much competetion every where can you deny that even forty years back people lived much more relaxed life than what we are living today?

Hello AeroChickie,Thanks for your response and also thanks for the reasons you have placed with out getting aggrasive like others here and I am always open for a healthy discussion.I have few question to you. 1.What made you think that most childless or child free people are very much responsible? Responsibility towards what? Secondly in my post I have completely removed the point of financial crisis and health issues regarding raising a child cause there are many people on earth who are financially sound 100 percent physically healthy still they dont give birth or never adopt a child. Thirdly you have written that enjoying hobbies,travelling keeping the life spontaneous are very ingredients needed for our life and I totally agree with you, but dont you think that these things can also be continued with a child boy or girl too? For example from the age of six or seven I have accompanied my dad and mom in travelling whole world during our school vacations, my dad's hobby is yoga sports and reading books on all subjects and my mom's hobby was to play piano and I have adopted all as my hobby and still now our family is very spontaneous full of life all the time, also I never felt myself or my dad or mom uncomfortable due to my presence!So how can you say life cant be spontaneous with children? Yes my dad and mom made sacrifice for me, couldnt travelled much, till I reached the age of six and if you talk about living a secret lifestyles is it healthy permanently?and if some one still interested and if the couple is intelligent they can make way out for that to keep out the reach of children .I will have fun alone,I will not sacrifice few years for my child, I will travel alone, I will eat alone,I will think about me and my choice only,I will live for myself only etc etc points, dont you think these are the signs of perfect shelfishness? if your answer is no then please teach me the defination of shelfishness? finally I consider mylot a discussionboard where I try to share my knowledges as well uplift my own knowledges through healthy discusiions, with proper reasoning and IF I SAY I HAVE THE RIGHTS TO CHOOSE MY OWN DECESIONS AND I WANT TO DIE,THEN I HAVE TO PUT PROPER JUSTIFIED REASONS TO ESTABLISH MY DECESION AND MY CONCEPTS OTHERWISE WOULD NOT YOU CALL ME I AM SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION FRUSTRATIONS OR I AM SELFISH MYSELF ESCAPING MYSELF FROM MY RESPONSIBILITIES TOWARDS MY FAMALY AND SOCEITY??? THEN PEOPLE WHO DONT HAVE ANY VALID POINTS THAT THEY CAN ESTABLISH BEHIND AVOIDING TO BECOME DAD AND MOM INSPITE OF FINANCIALLY SOUND WITH 100 PERCENT PERFECT HEALTH CONDITIONS, THEN WHY CANT YOU CALL THEM SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION FRUSTRATIONS AND SELFISH? ARE MY REASONS SOUNDING VERY UNJUSTIFIED?I AM ALWAYS OPEN FOR HEALTHY DISCUSSIONS WITH WISE PEOPLE AND ALWAYS READY TO RECTIFY MYSELF IF ANYBODY PROVE ME WRONG WITH PROPER JUSTIFIED REASONS.

Applause to Aerorchickie :)

Thanks for the response. It's good to hear different opinions and perspectives. I'll try to explain some of my thoughts further: I call a childfree person "responsible", because they have concluded that they should not be parents for whatever reason. To me this is a very mature decision. If someone does not have the time, emotional effort, or desire to raise a child, then it would be irresponsible to go ahead and have a child. If a person isn't willing to devote their life to raise a child, then they should not be a parent. A person who admits this and accepts this has made a responsable decision that they should not be a parent. It is with this reasoning that I say that childfree people should not be labeled as irresponsible. As for selfishness, I read an interesting discussion some time ago that has stuck with me. It listed reasons why people wanted to have children verses not have children. And interestingly enough all the reasons to have children were selfish, while many of the reasons to not have children were not selfish. Here are a few of the examples that I remember: Reasons people want children: 1)Personal experience - for the experience to be a parent 2)Personal pleasure - so they can play and have fun with their child 3)to carry on their family name and genetics 4)To have someone to take care of them when they're old 5)To have a "smaller version" of themselves If you think about it, those are all selfish reasons. Whereas many childfree people will present you with unselfish reasons for not wanting kids such as: 1)the world is over populated and over burdened for natural resources 2)they want to spend their time and money volunteering, doing charity work, helping people who are already here instead of creating a new life 3)they don't feel they'll make good parents (they are being unselfish by sparing a child an undesired childhood) 4)they don't have the time to properly raise a child All of these reasons are actually not selfish, because they are in the best interest of someone other than themselves. This puts an interesting twist on the common perspective that childfree people are selfish. As for keeping life spontaneous - it is much harder when you have a child. You can't just decide on the spur of the moment to go out and do something fun with friends or your spouse. Everything has to be planned in advance so that you can make arrangements for someone to watch your child. Also, certain peoples' travel destinations or travel styles aren't suitable for children - even if they are 6 or 7 years old. Kids take a lot of time and money to raise, which may prevent some people from pursuing their hobbies and passions in life. Some people choose to develop their skills and talents to the fullest, and get the most they can out of life. For some, this can't be done with children. Thanks for listening! Hope this shows you a new perspective of childfree people.