My ex fiance quit drinking now I think my boyfriend is jealous
By vicki2876
@vicki2876 (5636)
Canada
October 5, 2007 11:27am CST
I have remained friends with my ex fiance over 12 years. He became a heavy drinker after the sudden passing of his father. My boyfriend of over 11 years has always known of our friendship. Though I don't think he ever totally liked it, he asked a few times how I would feel if he was friends with one of his exes, he respected the friendship. I was always worried about my exes heavy drinking, and about 3 months ago he quit drinking. I quit drinking over 2 years ago and we talk a lot about our experiences. The other day I told my boyfriend that Darrell is still sober and doing well. I am very happy for him. My boyfriend still drinks and he knows I don't like it. He said "So, you're going to go back to him now?" I was surprised that he was upset. Am I wrong in keeping my friendship with my ex? Though my boyfriend and I don't fight over it, I think he is upset sometimes with it. Should he just get over it? It is a sign he doesn't trust me, so that is wrong and hurts me too. Could he be upset that we have been successful in staying sober and he hasn't? What do you think?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@THKOhio (329)
• United States
6 Oct 07
I think that respect in a relationship goes both ways. If I had a friendship with someone that upset my husband, and I knew it, but I continued the relatiohship, that would be disrespecting my husband. The same if he had a friendship and he knew that friendship upset me. So, I don't think just expecting him to "just get over it" is realistic. Try to find a way to compromise, and if you can't find one, then it might be a good idea to cut back on the time you spend with your ex.
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
6 Oct 07
Thanks for your feelings about it. Yeah I wouldn't want him to be hurt. He does come before my ex after all. LOL :)
@ilunice (946)
• Netherlands
6 Oct 07
I guess he has every right to feel threatened. Whatever be the cause of your separation with your ex, I believe you still have a very soft spot for him. And if your current one dare do anything stupid, it's very likely that you might prefer your sober ex. I believe this is the way your current boyfriend thinks. So you will have to work extra hard to convince him that you are loya to him.
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
6 Oct 07
Thanks ilunice. I probably do have a soft spot for him. I look at him as family and he does for me too so I guess that would be weird. I understood that 10 years ago but I thought my boyfriend would have known after all these years, my heart is with him. I guess with the changes I have made in the last couple years, quit drinking, lost over 60 pounds, lead a healthier life and now Darrell is starting too, it is a lot of change for him and maybe he feels like I'll leave him behind. Gonna have to show him I am totally loyal and not going anywhere. HEHE Thanks!
@thefortunes (2367)
• Netherlands
6 Oct 07
Hi Vicky, I do not think your boy friend isn't trusting you. He feels insecure and less than you and your ex. This must be hurting him, and I think it might help if you'll be for a while extra caring and sweet, and do not share anything regarding your ex in this time. I think it will blow over this way.
TheFortunes
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
6 Oct 07
I agree it will blow over and your right sounds like some extra lovin' is in oder. Thanks :)
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
5 Oct 07
I totally do! I love him very much. I am very close to my ex, (like family to me) but my man is my man. :) Thanks lilybug
