okay, so i was really mean to my husband on the phone tonight

Well girlfriend, it happens to the best of us. This is my second deployment with my husband and believe me these things don't get easier. It is hard not to resent them for having to leave and do this for so long. You know he isn't doing this voluntarily and he misses you as much as you miss him. You are human and this stuff happens. Just apologize to him and tell him your true thoughts and feelings right now. He needs to know that your not angry with him, but with the military. Your job is very hard, you have to be supportive, meanwhile taking care of house and home, the kids, and so on. It is ok that you are irritated and frustrated, but always let him know how you are feeling, so he doesn't get the wrong impression and hang up the phone with a burden. That's most important right now. Don't worry, I have done the same thing to my husband as well. We are all guilty of it!

Your words of "he is serving our country" really made me moved to positioned myself to your husband's side. The naughtiness of our mind sometimes that could not accept the reality that really made us mad and loneliness. The noble caring to our kids will be no longer a sincere obliged task once its hurt and forwarded as disputable issue with our life partner. Though blindness is confusing. To learn something new method for solution finding in your case and to soothe your heart towards your husband; I think you better listen to one song "Soldier of Fortune" by Deep Purple. Because in our life many parts of it we are the 'Soldiers of Fortune Life'. The word FORTUNE. And the link; http://www.youtube.com/watch?=VGHbzP96WWA Concentrate on these words, "Though blindness is confusing".

I've been there, however I haven't had three kids to take care of. Just a dog and already I'm bitter. All I can say is don't feel bad. I hope he's not like my husband and appreciates all you do. Mine makes comments about how he is "doing this alone" all the time and it's not like it's my fault I can't go with him all the time. Honestly I don't think you will be able to get rid of the bitterness any more then you can stop missing him. What you got to do is focus on not lashing out at your husband for being away, and that isn't easy. My husband and I seem to fight all the time when he is away. We just talk about our problems... one starts in and then the other adds and it just builds and being apart means on comfort on those rough days. It takes a strong woman to be apart from her husband for long lengths of time. I'm sorry I can't help you but I just wanted to say god bless your husband for serving our country and god bless you and your family for standing behind him. And we will all pray that this war ends ASAP and bring our loved ones home.

Dealing with a second deployment, you didn't say what the time-frame has been but a second deployment has got to be torture no matter what, hon! I feel so bad for you and your kids, as well as for your husband for you know he'd rather be with his family. I also feel very proud of you all! I know how it hurts when you see other couples doing stuff with their kids, I went through the same thing when my husband was in the military years ago, early in our marriage and he wasn't even out of the country he was just away from ME and our daughter and that was enough to hurt like hell! Please don't feel guilty and beat yourself up, just teel him you're sorry when you talk to him, let him know what he surely knows already, how much you love him and miss him! And please try to gather some strength in knowing that all of us Americans are behind both of you 100% regardless of our personal opinions about the war itself. I'll way a prayer for you and your entired family for you to all soon be together safe and sound. Meanwhile, while I know it sounds so cliche, hang in there and know you are loved and supported! Annie

My husband is on his second deployment as well. I know how hard it can be! I know it's hard not to take out all your bitterness and hurtful feelings on him - but he has it 100 times worse than you do right now. I know for a fact that he would do anything he could to be by your side right now. When my husband received his deployment orders the second time I was devastated and cried to my friend. You know what she said? She told me to stop pouting and realize how retarded I was being. I was hurt by it...but now I'm glad she said it. How many other wives can say their husband does something worthwhile? He's out there changing the world - he's saving lives - he's making America safe for us. I know it's hard not to be upset, but this is his purpose and behind every great man is a great woman - you are that woman! So support him - he deserves it! God wouldn't put us through something like this if we weren't meant to go through it. There's a reason behind all of this - even if it doesn't seem like it!

I am right there with you and know how you feel. My dh has been gone for over a year now and it is so hard I too have 3 kids and my oldest I even homeschool, no family here, and no friends really. So I have literally been by myself night and day. I would get so mad for little things at him then like an hour later I would feel so bad and write him an email. Just take it one day at a time and you might want to look into some playgroups or playdate type things in your area for you and the kids it will help take the stress away I bet. Hope things start looking better for you though.

My husband was in the Navy, so I have experienced your feelings of hurt, anger and resentment first hand. It always seemed that their squadron would deploy to some place warm and pleasant (we weren't in war at that time) during January when the temperature on base was below zero and snow up to our eyeballs. Not only were we wives depressed, but we had to cope with rotten weather to just get groceries. Our salvation was each other. You didn't mention if you are living on base with other military wives in the same situation. We wives relied on each other for comfort and to have a shoulder to cry on when needed. That really helps because we could vent to each other without taking it out on our husband. In the meantime, know that he loves you and understands. He's feeling the same way, but his duty and honor to our country has to be the top priority for the moment. Military life is extremely difficult. It is so full of highs and lows. Band together with the other wives, help each other out or babysit for each other to allow an afternoon or evening off. I just know that we as Americans are as proud of you as we are your husband for you are serving your country as well. God Bless You and Good Luck!

I am going to be going on my 2nd deployment in a few months, my husband is away right now at training and I totaly know what you are talking about, the thing that helped me was having a journal and writting down all my feelings in it so I would not take out my anger on him, also if you feel you need to talk to someone contact military one source they have the resources there to find you the help you need to cope.. Also venting to friends or if you belong to myspace even in a military group that you are in You can always send him a motomail or e mail in case you dont get a chance to talk to him and tell him how sorry you are. It's normal to feel bitter and angry you just have to take it one day at a time.. Hugs

Hi Asgtswife. Well, I understand the feeling, kind of there are millions of reasons to keep you cool but your feeling just fail to obey. But I mean when I read the line that "he is serving our country", it really makes me feel like "WOW, an army". He is doing something great and you are well proud and happy about that, right? You know your direction, you just need some times to get used to it. I mean we ladies will need companion and the sense of secure all the time. But you love the way he is, if he is someone that will leave the job and hugging you all the time, guess he is no longer the one that you love deeply, right? I hope you will feel better. Whenever feeling lonely and helpess, just post discussion, we MyLotters are really to give you companion.. Cheer girl! p/s: you are a great one, regardless in the sense of mother or lover.

You have every right to feel what your feeling, I can only imagine what it is like for you I don't have an Army husband I have a trucker fiance who I get to see once a month. For you however it is much harder and I am proud of you for being there for him and your children you need to be strong for them. I try to just get busy with life and try not to think about how much I miss him. I don't have any special words for you that will make it all better, but I can say you and your family will be in my thoughts and I wish for his safe and permanent home coming someday. All the best. -Amber

Although I don't know what you are going through, I feel that I need to remind you of something. Your husband looks forward to that call he gets to make to his wife. You. He anticipates being able to hear his childrens' voices in the background. Men over there get by day to day knowing that they have someone on the other end waiting for them to come home. I understand that you are lonely, and three kids can be a handful, but remember, you have kids and a family close by. He doesn't. Find a support group for women/men who have husbands/wives in the army, that might help redirect some of the anger.